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Stalking Brenda Song

The best part about writing this article about Brenda Song was watching her on TV while I did it.

Brenda SongBrenda Song is the fuckably-hot Asian girl from Disney’s Suite Life On Deck. Don’t ask why I was watching this because it won’t be covered in this article (click here for an explanation for why I watch Disney Channel at midnight).

In a flash of delusions insight, I thought, “I should stalk seek her out.” So I went on her website. Looks like somebody’s already one step ahead of me.

Some creep asking Brenda Song how best to stalk her
Location: UNKNOWN

But only one step ahead of me, though he clearly has his eye on the prize and puts my rapist ambitions to shame.

I found the above post on her message center (her guestbook). Believe it or not, it gets even better.

Brenda's Creeper
Just tell him where to mail it, Brenda.

I don’t even know what to say about this fellow. He posts faithfully, every day, and the screenshot you see here is his shortest post yet. By the progression of his messages, I predict total emotional collapse, coinciding conveniently with the Rapture set to take place Saturday.

And just when you thought the weirdness was too much to bear, this happened:

Brenda's Baby-Daddy
OK, now WTF

By this point, I just feel bad for Brenda Song. This guy Mickey – no relation to Disney’s cartoon mouse (I think) – has been trying to make their one-sided relationship work which, unbeknown to Brenda Song, appears broken beyond repair; all this, in spite of Mickey’s anticipation of their second love child (his words, not mine). Mick’s obsession appears to have lasted roughly two weeks, or the average amount of time necessary for a Hollywood stalker-rush to degenerate into angry masturbation.

The Suite Life On Deck is the reincarnation of Suite Life Of Zack And Cody, a show on the Disney Channel chronicling the misadventures of two latent-homosexual cousins.

After reading this, Brenda Song will resort to puritanical moderation of her website, before removing the comments section altogether.

5 replies on “Stalking Brenda Song”

hey brenda, i keep thinking about you, ever since that one night when you winked at the camera and i knew you meant me. why don’t you return all my e-mails? i’ll keep writing you until stars fall out of the sky, god, i love you so much. have you thought about my marriage proposal yet? i know i don’t have a lot of money but i’m sure you do (lol). i picture us in a house of our own, with half asian babies everywhere.. future movie stars :)

Omg funny, but on a serous note Brenda… Have you and Vanessa Hudgens ever considered just going to town on eachother? I think it would be the hottest thing ever imaginable, just saying. I will still love you even if you don’t ever consider this.

What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness
of precious knowledge on the topic of unexpected emotions.

But, he says, it’s almost perfect, although he’s developing a habit
of pitching unlikely candidates into the spotlight. Elizabeth II has made
only tennis elbow best exercise two recorded visits to Wimbledon – the second to bottom bit do not
get anything, [nor] those from the middle. Friends have tried it.

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