Brave cat returns to rightful owner Julian Assange after incredible journey

LONDON–Immediately following an incredible journey of courage, adventure, and friendship, Embassy Cat returned to the arms of his one and only friend, a publisher who seemed down on his luck, and imprisoned like himself.

Embassy Cat was forcibly separated from Assange in Act I by ruthless Ecuadorian gangsters. Disney Films

The cat would often stare back at onlookers for long periods of time. This confused Embassy Cat, because he could not figure out why people were constantly looking in his windows. But he never felt scared, because just on the other side of a curtain was his best friend, Julian Assange. Then, when Assange was arrested and forcibly removed from their embassy suite, Embassy Cat faced the world alone, for the very first time. Over the course of his journey the cat learned that a true friend is worth fighting for.

Known for his simple charm, Embassy Cat loved collecting his own shit. He kept so much shit, it was kept in a box. Some even spilled over! People complained, but protected by Julian, Embassy Cat’s collection grew like subsidized corn. Now, the first thing Embassy cat noticed about his new owners, is how they would enter the room unannounced, regularly emptying his beloved collection from something called a kitty litter box. This sent Embassy Cat into a blind rage, triggering a cross-country odyssey sure to delight kids.

Embassy Cat could not face the television during Julian Assange's arrest.
Embassy Cat could not face the television during Julian Assange’s arrest.

Taking advantage of lax security protocols, Embassy Cat snuck aboard an outbound flight on 9/11 Airlines, and got checked into a posh Airbnb after being mistaken for a sexy skunk. The distinguished Frenchman he met on the plane booked their entire trip through Lebal Drocer, in two clicks of a mouse button.

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Following an awkward 4 a.m. conversation, Embassy Cat escaped from the rental, made friends with a crow, and just in the nick of time, the two gained access to a hostile prison courtyard. There, he said goodbye to the crow, and enjoyed a heartwarming embrace with Assange, who quietly picked leaves and barbs from the animal’s coat, reunited at last.

Now his shit collection, grown to new heights, threatens to draw the attention of the guards patrolling their new home: Belmarsh maximum security prison in London. Assange and his cat are awaiting trial and extradition for narcissism.

What’s next for Embassy Cat and Julian? What lessons do they still have to learn about each other (or themselves)?

This re-imagining of a classic will use needlessly realistic CGI to show you what it would have really looked like if a cartoon Embassy Cat set off on a fantastic voyage to meet someone he met online.

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By Hatesec

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