Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 spotted at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport

INTERNET — Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, thought lost over the South China Sea, was spotted on the ground at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport. Witnesses saw “hooded figures” entering and exiting the plane, which glowed with an unearthly blue light.

Jeremy Sancrusty, a janitor at the airport, told reporters, “It didn’t take off or land. It just materialized in a blue flash. Then I saw hooded figures step off the plane, their faces all covered in shadows. Some more of them boarded, and with another flash the plane was gone. I think it was some kind of a teleportation technology and them people on it, I have no idea who they were. Didn’t look like aliens. Looked like some kind of secret religion to me. This is pure speculation, but maybe some religion out there’s incorporated all the beliefs of science and has leapfrogged over science itself.”

Expert in comparative mythology the occult, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, said, “Mr. Sancrusty’s claims are in line with current understanding in my field. It is non-controversial that there is at least one occult tradition with far superior technology, possibly capable of teleportation and space travel. We don’t think they are in any way associated with the Illuminati, but are rather a similar organization from southeast asia known to some as the Wudao. Their influence around the world is tremendous, and I would not be at all surprised if they have already found Perfect Language, long sought in the west by hermetic traditions. Some call it the philosopher’s stone, or the holy grail. It is thought the powers and knowledge Perfect Language can bestow are limitless.”