INTERNET — According to a former intern, Anatabloc, now understood to be a highly addictive tobacco-derived amphetamine, may have been at the heart of the McDonnell administration’s “very aggressive” road construction plan on endangered wetlands which cost Virginia taxpayers $250 billion and evaporated into the hands of several foreign companies who refuse to comment.
The intern’s story is reprinted here in totality:
I was addicted to Anatabloc and encouraged to offer it to anyone I met in a social setting. I thought it was safe. It amped me up and made me work hard for the governor, and everyone in the administration was taking it all the time, every hour on the hour, and we had this intense work ethic because of it. I still love the idea of him, of building up jobs for the people, but how did it go so wrong? I know that corrupt son of a bitch snatched tens of millions in taxpayer money with that 460 boondoggle but I can’t prove it. What I can prove is that the Anatabloc Administration was much darker and more corrupt than the cowardly Virginia press can bring itself to document.
Before he was inaugurated, Bob [McDonnell] was already stacking Anatablocs, and I mean like a champ. The day he took the oath he took a big handful of them and choked them down with Jack Daniels. I saw his teeth chattering and his eyes roll back and I was afraid he might have overdosed, but then he was talking about resurrecting the Confederacy, outlining a plan that he carried out immediately upon entering office. He cut out the customary bit about fighting discrimination from his oath and immediately declared Confederate History month. I admit, I was impressed with the power of Anatabloc and started stacking them and handing them out too. It was supposed to be a new age.
The 460 project was an idea Bob hit upon the night he discovered crushing and snorting Anatabloc. The high was intense and beyond anything I’d ever felt but lasted only a few minutes. We went through a three weeks supply of Anatabloc that night and I could tell that Bob was just rational enough to realize the shit wasn’t going to last. The next morning Bob met with Jonnie, our Anatabloc supplier at Star Scientific, as well as the heads of what would become U.S. 460 Mobility Partners. When they left the governor’s offices they all had that weird combination of daze and rage that fills the eyes of someone totally gripped by Anatabloc.
I don’t know what secret deal they may have worked out, if at all, but Bob threw away all that taxpayer money and no road got built. Whether it was just his clouded mind or more purposeful scheming to secure a supply of incredibly expensive drugs, the people of Virginia were hurt. I thought Bob was going to bring Virginia jobs by downsizing government, not fill his nose with highly synthesized tobacco speed. I hardly remember the hellish months of withdrawals as I watched his trial unfold.
They say that each bottle of Anatabloc contained an acre of tobacco, and it may well be that the farmers keeping the McDonnell Administration hyped up on that nasty stuff were the only jobs the governor actually supported.
Bob’s a liar, “Right to Work” is a lie, Confederate History Month is racist, and the Commonwealth of Virginia deserves better.