Michele Bachmann believes Elvis is still alive

On Wednesday, Michele Bachmann declared that Elvis was still alive and wished him a happy rebirth. A recent study showed that Republicans are just plain wrong a shocking 93% of the time. Analysts noted this figure is somewhat inflated because of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, whose wrongness creates an impossible mathematical scenario which relies on imaginary numbers.

Welcome to BizarroAmerica

• Michele Bachmann is the prominent constitutional scholar in Congress
• John Wayne and John Wayne Gacey are the same person
• Tractor drivers in Texas need a commercial license just to cross the road
• Elvis was reborn on the day he died
• John Quincy Adams is our founding father
• Thirty percent of medical workers quit their job when Obamacare passed
• Lexington and Concord are in New Hampshire
• There are 3,400 people working for the Mainstream Media, and they all work for Obama
• John Huntsman thinks Michele Bachmann is a hottie
• The camera is over this way, Michele
• The swine flu only occurs under democratic administrations
• President Obama wants reeducation camps for young people
• Gas prices are up because Obama decreased domestic energy production
• Paul Revere’s famous ride warned the British of their imminent failure
• The US government wasn’t going to default
• Rick Perry isn’t white enough to be president

Before you rush to Wikipedia and rewrite history, think about what the real purpose of all this wrongness is. We can only assume that Michele Bachmann is purposefully wrong as much as possible, capitalizing on those who correct her. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is sadly just that dumb. Female politicians in the Republican party get ahead with wrongness, drawing on the sympathy of their male constituents who all love and control the votes of their wives. Recall the scene from Sarah Palin’s Alaska, where she desperately clung to a rock wall for 45 minutes in a panic. Upon overcoming her fear, her husband climbed the cliff within 10 minutes and then laughed in her incompetent face.

This gets votes.