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Never ending Duck Dynasty comments drive man to shave beard in public

Bearded Men are complaining about getting too many "Duck Dynasty" comments in public.
Bearded Men are complaining about getting too many “Duck Dynasty” comments in public.

INTERNET — Increasingly, bearded men claim they have been “inundated” with comments about Duck Dynasty by self-proclaimed “clever” strangers in public.

“‘Oh I just love the Dynasty,’ the cashier told me. She said it slowly taking up lots of my time, as if I also loved the Dynasty, and I was offended. Just because I have a beard doesn’t mean I love Duck Dynasty. I wouldn’t know about it if I didn’t have a beard and sometimes I just feel like shaving it all off, just to get away from these Duck Dynasty comments,” said Jake Earl, 28 year old musician from Carlston, West Virginia. “But I can’t! I’ll lose all my ‘mountain’ cred and nobody will come to my bluegrass shows.”

Jake Earl found fame after a video of him shaving his beard in public went viral on YouTube.

Earl told our correspondent in Carlston, “I just felt this pressure building up, something like one of these mass shooters maybe,” Earl said, “I just couldn’t take the way I was being viewed by the world and everything just came crashing down on me. I felt a strong compulsion to cut it off in public, and I’m very sorry for throwing my hair at police officers.”

Authorities detained Earl but did not arrest him. Earl’s psychiatrist refused to give our reporters his diagnosis, but told us “Earl is feeling much better.”

Other local bearded men have stepped out of hiding to support Earl. Fred Dershowitz told reporters, “What Jake Earl did was heroic. I mean my beard is not even similar at all to Duck Dynasty. It’s cropped short! But still, every time I go to the grocery store, some slack-jawed idiot points at me and says ‘Duck dahnasty, yall! It’s a beard!’ and I felt the same urge Earl does. I think I’ll just shave mine off in public too.”

8 replies on “Never ending Duck Dynasty comments drive man to shave beard in public”

bearded people r creepy. bearded people haz somfin 2 hide (usually a monstrous overbite). bearded people in the neighborhood lower the property value. im not sayin that all bearded people r perverts, but they r all perverts and make me fear 4 the children. its time 4 the authorities 2 act. round them up, put them in camps, think of the children.

finally, some sensible comments on here. I wholeheartedly agree with you Sal Chica. Furthermore, I was a bearded man once, for a while. And I can tell you from experience, these people can NOT be rehabilitated.

A word of warning: A bearded man who shaves his beard is STILL a bearded man in a disguise. Trust no one.

Also cocks or faggots or faggots with cocks …. & hatesec is just jelly Billy Goat, he still can’t really grow a beard. And pubic hair doesn’t count Frank, js.

Sorry I neither support mouth raping of a14 yr old girl/boy or Barrett teh Insane Clown …. NEXT!
Ps-How’s your childbride Frank ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

sneaky bastardz thatz wut they r. depraved! like billy. did u no that billy made a homeless guy (also bearded) drink his pee from a fancy soda can and put it on utube?

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