INTERNET — President Biden, beaming at Washington DC policymakers through dark Ray-Ban aviators, announced Sunday at a special brunch that his administration has found decisive proof hundreds of thousands of fentanyl overdoses in the US can be traced to a single pharmaceutical operation in China.
“Their days are numbered,” Biden smiled, as he sipped on a mixture of lemonade and iced tea, better known as an Arnold Palmer. “Either China can cease all production of Fentanyl, or we’ll smoke ’em. We have new capabilities that can reach anyplace on earth, instantly.”
Biden pulled away from the brunch in his Porsche Panamera, squealing his tires and laughing.
Marjorie Taylor Greene was briefly seen shouldering a table full of croissants and pineapple slices, doing squats and screaming, “Impeach the Biden Crime syndicate now!” However, the media’s strange fascination with her freakish Neanderthal-like antics seemed momentarily broken by the revelation of actual news.
Speculation raged through social media, and with the viral analysis of Chat GPT 4.0, the mass consensus was that the US Space Force has fielded an orbital microwave beam that can instantly destroy any surface facility on earth, igniting metals and boiling human beings from the inside out.
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador reacted to the sudden craze of conservatives microwaving Fentanyl in an attempt to disprove Biden’s resolve to destroy the facility with a strongly-worded warning: “Do not attempt to destroy Fentanyl using your microwave ovens. This may lead to the release of deadly Fentanyl fumes, which would only be giving China what they want: More dead Americans.”
Conservatives continued to microwave the Fentanyl, with Leeroy Flagstaff of Highland Park, Maryland telling reporters, “Science ain’t always right.”
2 replies on “President Biden threatens attack on Chinese fentanyl factory”
:::Plants a 💣 at the Chronicle.su Offices:::
Pardon me, I meant ORFICES … SPREAD ‘EM BOYS