Rust clan loses 10 boxes of AKs

INTERNET — “It’s not the AKs, it’s the mindset.” Trainwreck, the top podcaster fumed at his Rust clan. “We just take the most shortcut way to success and then fill boxes with so many AKs so quickly that what used to be fun about Rust is no longer fun anymore.”

Even though wipe day was just hours away, Trainwreck’s clan had fallen into complete burnout and disarray after they were wiped leaving oil.

The gamers began teamkilling and getting grubbed for M2s right outside base, displaying an unhinged and careless attitude, the typical signature of clan death. Some even turned on Trainwreck for bringing down the mood, accusing him of copying Hasan Piker’s act.

“You’re all addicts for the next rush of adrenaline, the next big risky play,” Trainwreck charged. “We had so many boxes of guns you couldn’t count them all and now we’re down to just a few AKs spread out all over the base.”

The agitated Trainwreck began asking for Blazed to join, both to regain the lost composure of the group as well as to share wisdom about the ongoing dilemma of clan life and death in Rust. Blazed is highly respected as the world’s top Rust guru, understanding every aspect of the game with a calm, Buddha-like insight. [Editor’s note: An Internet Chronicle writer was featured in Blazed’s most popular YouTube video, I went deep on a streamer]

Following Blazed’s suggestion, Trainwreck then meticulously analyzed the farming statistics for each team member, trying to weed out the leeches and PVP addicts who were too lazy to contribute  cloth to the base.

Blazed, calmly allowing Trainwreck to reach his own conclusions, only smiled as the team’s suggestions of reverting the recoil, increasing clan sizes to forty players, and purging casual content creators from the scene washed past him, temptations that could not begin to affect his meditative and enlightened state.

“We’re O for six on raids,” an exhausted Winnie laughed after the team powered through their sunken morale to fail on one last raid. The diminishing returns of fun dipped into the negative as a garage door enclosed the dead body containing all the boom.

As the heroic efforts of Blazed and Winnie to maintain control of the inner peekdowns were seared away in a hail of dragon’s breath shotgun blasts, the light in the clan scene of Rust itself seemed to flicker. The defenders of the raid spawned in naked and showed bad sportsmanship, sore winners, and thousands of viewers were left contemplating whether Rust was ever a reasonable choice of a game for esports to begin with.