WASHINGTON DC — Insiders at the Trump administration leaked details of the Trump Administration’s plans to pardon Ghislaine Maxwell, Wednesday. Details of the plan include a significant hush money payment to Maxwell, possibly in the billions, and paid out by the Department of Homeland Security.
Reporters questioned Trump while he was golfing at Mar-A-Lago, who appeared to confirm the pardon. “There was no list, no trafficking, aren’t you people tired of this? But I can tell you, what’s going to happen in the coming weeks will be a major surprise. Major.”
“It’s Stormy Daniels 2.0,” Political analyst and legal historian Dr. Angstrom H. Trouabador told reporters, “Except this time, Trump has turned his personal, private, and political vulnerability into a taxpayer expense, all in the name of National Security.”
Joe Rogan, conservative podcaster and former Fear Factor host, got up out of his chair and threw several haymakers at his training bags in a rage. “I’m responsible for this, for having Trump on the show and covering for these sickos, and I’m just having a hard time living with myself for the past few weeks. It sucks man, it sucks but it’s true.”
Alex Jones challenged Joe Rogan to a “fight to the death” after declaring that the Epstein story was a “hoax” by the Democrat mafia in Washington, echoing a similar challenge which landed the “Liver King” in prison, last month.
The state of Texas issued a warrant for the arrest of Alex Jones, who has been accused of making Terroristic Threats.