RICHMOND — Chemtrails were proven to be fact and not mere urban legend after recent Snowden revelations, as photographers around the country captured proven weather modifying chemtrails and shared them on Social Media web sites. However, debate still rages on as to the purpose of chemtrails and as to just who “they” might be spraying the chemtrails.
Darryl Cox, 42, said the skies over Roanoke, Va. were “literally criss-crossed” with poisonous chemtrails – jet plumes, or “contrails” emanating from the exhaust ports of military and commercial jet-liners – and said he no longer feels safe living in the Shenandoah Valley. Cox describes Southwest Va. as a “hotbed” of chemical testing activity.
“Do chemtrails exist? Yes, they do,” said Cox. “But what is the government doing, and is it really even the government? My opinion is and always has been that these damn chemtrails are the work of the airline industry to engineer the air for the benefit of their fuel economy. I figure it don’t take much sprayin’ so’s that the part of the atmosphere they fly through would calm down real quick like. I mean they got control a everything, I tell you.”
Va. Governor-elect Terry McAuliffe (D) said he “does not intend” to constrain commercial air activity over Va., adding that the airline industry is a large source of revenue for the conservative state.
Cox explained that “lizard-people,” like McAuliffe, must eventually answer to the public for their transgressions against the well-being of the electorate.
“I swore to God that I seen them sprayin’ out here just the other day and I’ll tell you now, that was no ‘contrail.’ That there was my death at the hands of the lizard people. Ain’t you never heard about them lizard people? They’ll look just like anyone else, maybe their face a little slack-like. I seen ’em every damn day. Every damn day. They doin’ this, you seen ’em breathe it on in like they like it. Like it’s a nice fresh day outside, when chemtrails are rainin’ in.”
It is perhaps no coincidence, then, that Gov. McAuliffe resembles a lizard.
Still others, so-called ‘preppers’ for the coming food shortages, are sure the Chemtrails are yet another precarious link in the oil industry keeping starvation at bay. Bernie Myers, of Afton, says ending the collusion between food manufacturers and jet fuel companies will be the key to understanding and ending the secret weather control programs.
“It’s funny how the jet fuel industry seems to be cooperating with the food manufacturers to control the weather. No one knows about their secret operations, but it’s real. Snowden even said so. Weather modification is the only logical reason for cloud seeding, and if you do any research at all, you will find out the truth. It’s Monsanto. It’s Boeing. It’s Lockheed Martin. They’re doing this and the government has no idea.”
Cox assaulted Myers after he spoke these words, screaming, “It’s the government doin’ it, I mean who else has the money? Hey, they take my taxes. Obama’s got these chemtrails rainin’ down on us and it’s a part of the Muslim extermination plan, I tell you what. Either that or it’s the faggots. God damn, we all already dead. Could be tomorrow they lay down the last layer, the catalyst that will burn all of our bodies.”
Myers then claimed he saw Terry McAuliffe playing with his family in the acid rain after a heavy day of chemtrails, “He was so happy, like I’d never seen no lizard man before. It was like they was gettin’ some type of manna from heaven. In a way it was kinda touchin’, but I seen it myself. He’s a lizard and no doubtin’ it.”
Half-Black President Barack “Hussein” Obama is a strong supporter of McAuliffe, and recently vacationed in the dubiously-acquired Hawaiian Islands. Mr. Obama refused to lie about the existence of chemtrails Sunday, and has said nothing to deny the dangers of their existence.