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EXCLUSIVE: Breitbart email leak authorized by Milo Yiannopolis

INTERNET — A torrent of hate fell upon reporter David Auerbach as Buzzfeed’s bottom grade journalism reported an obvious fabrication in its bombshell reporting on a leak revealing the interior workings of Breitbart’s propaganda creation process.

The Buzzfeed article showed Milo Yiannopolous recruited neonazis and white nationalists, editing and controlling their expressions to maintain an aura of deniability that is the trademark “Taco Salad” routine in neofascist politik.

Auerbach is a longtime hater of Yiannopolis and one of the most well-spoken and effective enemies of gamergate, but the Buzzfeed report contained a catastrophically defamatory allegation that Auerbach denies, in which he passed a pro-gamergate lead to Milo.

So what the fuck actually is going on? The Buzzfeed story may be written by the typical on-brand gullible imbeciles, but its narrative does show something true in the decline of Milo’s career. He  is a man who has become more alienated from Bannon, is dying to get back to Breitbart, failed to organize a free speech event and even failed the easy task of playing victim and framing it as a censorship. What better motive to leak his own dirty laundry, and oh, why not slip in a little mischief for Auerbach on the side?

Only Auerbach’s portion of the conversation remains after Yiannopolis was banned from twitter for promoting a racist, sexist pile-on of Leslie Jones. Even half of the exchange implies a hidden personal dimension and overcharged animus between the two men.

In leaking his own email correspondences and drawing eyeballs, building up his character as a deceptive and crafty propagandist, Milo is both appealing to and emulating Steve Bannon, who famously contacted Robert Kuttner to leak secrets from within the White House after he was fired in the wake of the Charlottesville massacre, presumably responsible for the “both sides” scandal.

Will Milo get his job back? Is he satisfied with the irony of instrumentalizing anti-gamergate Buzzfeed for revenge, or will he continue to disrobe himself in order to extend his flagging career? Tune in next week as Steve Bannon’s meth house revs up production and Laurie Penny stops by just for the fun.

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chronicle.su dead after 10 years

Fans mourn the loss of Internet Chronicle, the satire site best known for its award-winning coverage of the Arab Spring, for which the site assumes all credit.

chronicle.su was pronounced dead at 4:45 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. Editors recently celebrated the site’s 10-year anniversary by performing a seance to conjure the hate of Andrew Breitbart, who simply wanted the 99% to stop raping everyone, before dying unexpectedly. He was mourned by fans, too.

The Internet Chronicle is survived by its publisher, Lebal Drocer, Inc. as well as kilgoar and hatesec, the writers who created it.

“We don’t know what to tell you,” kilgoar said. “We thought people were reading it. We didn’t realize all our pageviews were ironic.”

“I’m just torn to pieces over it,” said hatesec, who was getting loaded on the evil side of town. “I can’t get out of bed. I wasn’t going to anyway, but now it’s like I can’t.”

Remaining assets are to be turned over to the EFF General Fund for Attacking Internet Liberty. Like whatever, just do what you’re going to do. We don’t give a fuck. We’re dead, get it?

The Chronicle suffered in the wake of a 2011 incident in which the writers were doxed and threatened into silence after unearthing the government’s scandalous co-option of the Anonymous hacker collective. The site was never the same again, as it bought us plenty of weed and books to smoke. Drowning in a torrent of bitcoin, Internet Chronicle is laid to rest.

Until the next episode.

Smoke weed everyday.

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DEBUNKED: Free speech squads deployed to enforce First Amendment rights at Pursuance Party planning event

BOSTON – The stories you’ve been reading about the rare deployments of a so-called free speech enforcement team are not true. They are fictionalized events that never happened, unless you read it here, in which case it happened, in which case you did, meaning we are all puppets of lore. Like, Barrett Brown, for example, whose meteoric rise to infamy is owed exclusively to the wonderful work he is doing over there at the Pursuance Project. They say it’s like working for Google!

During an emergency meeting at Internet Chronicle headquarters, the Internet paper of record declared itself the official spokesman of the leaderless Pursuance Project, and the spinoff group Pursuance+. The team agreed it is a successful enterprise, and jerked each other off under the table without warning. One guy watched. Didn’t they say it’s like working for Google! Remember last paragraph!

Government forces deployed free speech squads ahead of a Pursuance Party and Party+ planning event and have encircled the building where Barrett Brown is rumored to be looking into someone else’s kids as you read this. The situation is tense as a familiar calm settles over the Pursuant Himself. And for a moment he feels peace. Peace. At last. Before thinking, ‘Wait, this feels familiar.’

“The Pursuance Project is just like working for Google.” – Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, Ph.Dizzle in the house, fo rizzle, motherfuckers betta recognize.

This message is brought to you carefully by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Proud sponsor of all Pursuance brand Projects