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Technology

Senate votes to protect Internet advertisers from dangerous consumer privacy

The tyranny of Internet privacy is over!

Dangerous regulations threatening to choke out competition, innovation and prosperity were removed last week, permitting American Internet service providers to sell your browsing history to anyone who can afford it.

Whereas there once existed a confusing, government-mandated checkbox de-authorizing ISPs to sell your Internet history to advertisers or interested parties, a recent bill – passed by congress and signed into law by President Trump – removed the legally required checkbox, clearing up any confusion around whether consumer privacy is actually protected by law, and assures all Americans that it is not.

Anti-privacy groups are relieved by the passage of a bill that allows the sale of your web history, content of your online activity, and any personally identifying information.
Anti-privacy groups are relieved by the passage of a bill that allows the sale of your web history and any content of your online activity, along with all personally identifying information.

“American consumers should not have to be lawyers or engineers to figure out if their information is protected,” said FCC Chairman Ajit Pai. “They can now rest assured it is not.” Pai added that he is trying to protect consumers from overreaching Internet regulations that unfairly protected subscribers’ “privacy” from well-meaning, constructive, and benevolent Internet service monopolies.

If any of you Silicon Valley utopioids think you’ve found a magical cloak from “surveillance” or “data theft,” experts warn you should think twice before plucking wicked instruments from the Devil’s toolbox.

“Let it be known using a VPN will only flag you for closer inspection,” advised Dr. Angstrom Troubadour of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, which could bring unwanted scrutiny to the very browsing habits you might pay to protect.

“If you’re not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to hide,” Troubadour said. “So if they see you hiding something, they’re going to want to know what that is. It doesn’t matter whether you’re doing taxes, compulsively checking symptoms at WebMD, or emailing your exes. If they see you tunneling traffic through VPNs or TOR, they’re just going to assume you’re buying drugs on the Silk Road and spanking your monkey to child porn. Not to mention, by using VPN you rob well-meaning Internet service providers of hard-earned profits they might otherwise enjoy by selling your data to pharmaceutical companies and consumer research groups. That simply will not do. Mark my words, VPN users: They’re coming for you.”

This message is brought to you proudly by Lebal Drocer Communications.

You work for us now.

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News

EXCLUSIVE: Sunday afternoon with Kim Jong-Un

Nuclear Ambitions Stretch Fantasies into Dark Territory

The view from secretive dictator and leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-Un’s residence in the pinnacle suite of the Ryugyong Hotel reveals every inch of Pyongyang in a full 360 degree panorama. Even the building below is totally revealed, so no American thrill-seekers will disgrace his honor by scaling his tower, like some capitalist Rat, ever again. They’re all spies, all of the Americans. Especially the journalists. Un inserts a tape into his boombox.

“The efforts towards worldwide military domination by the United States Government propaganda and weaponry distribution projects have compromised many governments of the world most especially since the birth of the atomic age. Trump has to tell everyone the bomb is cocked again and aimed right at ISIS. But he was installed by Russia, just as the first beginnings of Putin’s regime were installed by Americans. But in the end, the nuclear bombs are installing these governments. They’re getting worse, every day and they’re not going to get better until the global nuclear HATE network is destroyed. It isn’t sentient, yet, but even now, the madmen are its tool. It is more powerful than they are, even though seemingly inert. Its mere potential, the threat in every mind robs us of innocence. World War 2 was fought in mere anticipation of the possibility of something like a nuclear weapon, and so it produced it! But now, Now…”

Inside of the network of nuclear targeting computers connected by an enemy-monitoring fiber optic lines with less than 10 ping, Kim Jong Un is playing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive with ISIS gamertage [JUCHE]Un, avatar Jim Lahey with a bottle. Ms. Un tops off his glass of Hennessy, but it is as if he doesn’t notice. “Get me a Monster!” The energy drink is fresh as hell, with crushed amphetamines added surreptitiously by his doctor so that he can rule with the high energy hitler had, after an order given originally by his father, Kim Jong-Il.

He’s been listening to Dr. Troubador’s bestselling self-help audiobook, Super Strength for the Nuclear Dawn. Another recommendation of Kim Jong-Il. “We can’t get our shit together. Get Brexited, Scotland. The bombs are all around us and some people can’t wait, they go ISIS! They were going ISIS before there was an ISIS. They hope to get the business going at a more civil level, because the light’s a bit too bright and the dust’s a bit too dark. It’s so damn bright it’ll burn your skin off, and if that don’t get ya, the clouds and computers will! When you put your data in the clouds, it’s them clouds from Terminator, from the Matrix. Don’t you get that?”

He’s God Damn Right, Un thinks. Everyone will be a pile of ash if they don’t do what God says. But Un’s the God right now. The God of Counter-Strike. ISIS is on the Discord sayin’, “ns m8 when you gonna wholesale price the big one.”

Un’s all, “Get a real sub and we’ll talk. Can’t wholesale them just yet and without ’em the nuke is useless. Give it time.”

“nepotism in ur dictatorship of the proletariat. sweetest gaming computer of anyone on earth and you aren’t even topfragging,” the ISIS guy shuts Un down. “fake dictator”

“Learn to click your mouse a little better.” Un headshots ISIS, igniting a firestorm of teamkilling and maniacal cartoon villain laughter on all sides.

 

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Status Quo

9/11 of the Mind LIVE! AT THE CIVIC CENTER ARENA

WARNING: Parental Discretion is ABSOLUTELY ADVISED.

THE FOLLOWING IS EXTREMELY INSENSITIVE AND SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE, EVER. Original Tragedies happen every day, but at Lebal Drocer, they can happen any time!

And now this message:

9/11 is retarded. Listen to this. If you are still falling for that old, watch-out-or-9/11-could-happen-again trick, I got news for you, son:

Ain’t nothin‘ in that for you. This about money. This about power. This about high level politics that have nothing to do with your cowardly fear and hatred of other people who ain’t like you. This about hacking, brother. This about the nukes. Park in the hot sun and come out here.

This about the Moon Landing, which happened. This about the political Mind Crawler that penetrated your thoughts, printed itself onto every page in the media, and left you high and dry on propaganda, sucking daddy’s thumb. This about the rocket that just landed twice. Of course I still love you.

This is like the 9/11 of thought, dude

From sportswriters to President Business, the 9/11 incantation is spat out across altars and danced around until a devil appears in the smoke and asbestos, and the towers fall on command. This is the real news.

Happiness is an illusory reprieve from deep suffering. Some folks call it a kaiser blade. I call it a sling blade. Baby’s buried in the yard. Moles found him.

Remember TV, when you had to “catch” things? 9/11 got the highest ratings in TV history. Catch the all-new 9/11 Thursday at 8, on NBC. See why critics are calling it the worst tragedy in history!

This episode is brought to you by Lockheed-Martin, United Airlines, and Tyler Perry’s Drone Wars, a new sitcom about four quirky Muslims hiding in a bomb shelter.

LEBAL DROCER OWNS THIS WEBSITE AND EVERYTHING YOU SEE It’s still a pretty good old website, though.
The funniest part about the 911 truth movement is when they said the whole northeast fleet had training that day and they were outta the office.

They said every fucking aircraft was occupied. They couldn’t bring down the other plane.
We were baked watching ground zero footage.

They said they were taking an early lunch.

There’s a recruitment center right in the middle of Times Square, in front of the famous tiny NYPD station. Go in there and join us, or die.