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All news – even real news – declared fake news by real fake news review board

STOCKHOLM – After months of rigorous study, discussion and thought experiments, researchers from Lebal Drocer Laboratories, a news analysis think tank, concluded in a white paper released Wednesday that “all news is fake news” under a revised definition of the term ‘fake news.’

Fake news is information that is not news, the conclusion states, because no one wants to hear it and it doesn’t bring clicks.

“The words fake and real are falling quickly out of fashion,” said leading news expert Angstrom H. Troubadour, a pioneer in the fake news field of study. “But I’ll tell you this right now, and it’s the truth: There ain’t no such as thing as real news. That real news is a lie. It’s garbage. It’s trash. It’s fake.”

Troubadour gently explained that readerships suffer from fake news, especially that found in print-online publications, where critical facts and narrative-altering details are ignored by TV entertainment news because they simply aren’t true, and have therefore failed to earn their place on the global stage among real news networks such as CNN, FOX News, MSNBC and The Drudge Report.

Because Journalism is the first draft of history.

And history is written by the victors!

USA! USA! USA! CNN! USA! USE! MEXICO! HELP ME OUT! OF MY LOW! SELF ESTEEM! USA! USA! NSA!

I said, damn, that’s good cocaine.

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“Now, I don’t need to tell you where to go for the real news,” Doc Trouble said. “I suppose since you’re listening to me, you’re already hearing it. You’re hearing the real news right now – better not be reading it.”

Jake Davis, whose name appears on the Lebal Drocer Labs paper, said fake news can come from anywhere, leading to real confusion.

“There’s fake news on fake sites, there’s real fake news on fake real sites, then there’s fake fake news on real fake sites,” Jake said. “If you can’t tell the difference between real fake news and fake fake news, you might be a victim of the real fake algorithms.”

After Facebook made it acceptable to label unwanted information, a cabal of fake news writers are determined to erode the little bit of integrity left in the journalism field. Even The Internet Chronicle has come under fire from hate groups that seek to tarnish your reality with differing versions of their own. Which reality will win?

Stay tuned to find out the answer to all this and more. Take your TerrorMax, and always be on the lookout for more real fake news from your favorite fake real news site, The Internet Chronicle!

Chronicle.su is brought to you proudly by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

We own everything that matters.

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BREAKING — @wikileaks e-mails show Mike @cernovich purchased several infant gorillas — but for what?

Is this the face of a man who thinks he can absorb gorilla souls through ritual?
INTERNET — New reports, first published by Julian Assange of Wikileaks, show documents containing details of illegal infant gorilla transactions during Cernovich’s “hunting trip” to Namibia this summer. The gorillas, referred to with racial slurs in coded e-mails, were not taken to zoos as promised. Investigators found that no zoos anywhere in the world received any gorillas from Mike Cernovich. The emails suggest the author bought the endangered infants for over seven million dollars, nearly half of the takings from his bestselling novel, Gorilla Mindset.

Monday, Cernovich tweeted accusations that all democrats rape and eat children as part of a widespread soul-absorbing satanism ritual. The self-described “journalist” similarly believes that acting like a gorilla bestows virile power upon practitioners of his belief system. Fans and haters alike wanted to know just why Mike Cernovich, a man who believes in the absorption of souls through rape and murder, is purchasing infant gorillas that have mysteriously disappeared from the market.

Criminal Psychologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters, “Isn’t it obvious? There’s enough evidence to convict him but they won’t, not now that Trump’s in power. This is a man who raped and then ate infant gorillas, an endangered species. He probably ate their balls raw in some protein milkshake after pumping iron. I mean we don’t know he did it, but he did it. I mean you know it. Or think about it for a bit, doesn’t it make sense? Doesn’t at least one or two bits of the mountain of evidence ring true? The creep thinks he has magic gorilla powers and can just accuse anyone of baby raping and get away with it. Just trying to cover his tracks, I say. Many are saying he even penetrates his ass with the gorilla’s intestines, full of gorilla feces, calling them ‘hotdogs’ in his twisted e-mail code. He grills them and eats them afterwards. Disgusting, eh? I’ve read his e-mails, all of them. You and I both know WikiLeaks has never, will never, simply cannot tell a lie. They’re vetted. They’re Real News, not Fake. And let me tell you, if it is true, he’s one sick fucker. This is the kind of behavior that even Freud couldn’t analyze. If there is a hell, this creep is going straight to Harambe for an eternity of justice.”

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Peon masses kneel before EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON

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TerrorMax is approved by the world's leading doctor.
To everyone’s pleasant surprise, EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON took control of the entire world Tuesday.

NEW YORK – Inhabitants of planet Earth knelt before the omnipotent ruler of everything Tuesday, EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON, our new benevolent master.

EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON is pleased to announce the creation of a SPAWNING POOL from His dimension, which experts believe will play a crucial role in the new, mandatory 60-hour work week scheduled immediately.

New bylaws introduced by Arbiter of Order EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON restrict unpleasant behaviors such as thievery, busking or begging.

All criminals are now subject to the correctional brutality of a furnace of rotating gears, shafts, cranks and pistons that grind these toxic people into dust and reconstitute them into poison gas for healing the rest of our planet of dangerous biological impurity.

Citizens fawn and celebrate their beautiful New Leader, entertaining not so much as the thought of resisting Him.

EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON warmly greeted an audience from atop his throne of rare pygmy bones, and consumed his strongest supporters with fervor and grace. Applause ripped through the auditorium and surged across a sea, flooding Haiti.

Haiti resolutely sacrificed themselves in His Honor. EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON uttered his catchphrase: “DEATH TO ALL NONBELIEVERS!”

Thank you, Haiti.

HAIL EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON

This article is brought to you proudly by EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON. Death to all nonbelievers.