INTERNET—Friday, Scotland lost its bid for independence as a majority of the country allegedly voted ‘No’ to independence. Analysts were astounded as social media clearly showed a strong preference for ‘Yes’ votes. In addition, photographs clearly displaying rampant voting fraud were circulated widely across the globe. Some reported that police stormed into a polling station and seized many handfuls of ballots.
The evidence of the fraud was not even hidden but rubbed in our faces, and this fits the exact behavior profile of the global elites. No matter if you call them the Illuminati, the Bilderbergers, Bohemian Grove, or the UN, the last thing they want happening is smaller empires.
They want everything bigger, and in Scotland people tried to resist. As always, the elites are laughing in our faces. Their global empire won’t be stopped by something as easily corrupted as democracy.
Taylor Fenderson’s drones filled the skies Thursday, terrifying many pitiable souls.
Taylor Fenderson of Roanoke County, Virginia announced the invention of solar powered 3d printed drones.
Mr. Fenderson winked and told reporters at an impromptu press conference, “Watch this.” Hundreds of drones formed a swirling mass, not unlike a cyclonic school of fish in the ocean, and suddenly the infernal buzzing machines hovered, clearly forming a wall that was shaped like Fenderson’s face. Fenderson snapped his finger and the drones dissipated into Southwest Roanoke County, which is now firmly under his control.
“Dear friends,” he said before using the most cryptic terms, “There is no reason to be alarmed. I believe the singularity has arrived, and be glad.”
At this moment what must have been in some estimations as many as ten thousand drones blotted out the clear evening skies above, and the gathered crowd shouted in terror, one declaring “He is the Devil!” and another, “God save us, the gates of hell have been thrown open!”
Fenderson’s eyes grew cold as he looked directly into WDBJ7’s cameras, demanding residents bring him all the graphics processing chips in the valley for a municipal bitcoin mining operation. Fenderson wants to fund the world’s fastest fiber optic network for residents of the valley only, using a newly discovered photonic switching process discovered by MIT. Taylor said, “Roanoke is situated in a uniquely defensible position, and as I speak drones are covering the highways with pebbles, shoring up the armor-proof chain of mountains that surround us on all sides. No aircraft is permitted to enter Roanoke’s air space. Attempt no landings in Roanoke.” At that, Fenderson retreated into his Bunker and those who attempted to follow him and ask questions found themselves surrounded and their senses assaulted by the klaxons of hundreds of drones.
Some citizens took to the streets with shotguns, attempting to shoot down drones but finding themselves surrounded and disabled by the drones’ horrendous sonic weaponry. Such a day of woe and terror was never seen in Roanoke since the troubles in 1893.
The Grimlies are beautiful this time of year and just the thing to spice up your social media feed.
TOURISM — Stare at your phone in awe and wonder as you take in the natural beauty of the Grimlies and enjoy the internet streaming from our thoroughly disguised 4g towers placed on the crest of every ridge. When visiting, keep your phone at the ready at all moments, because bears may appear at any time, and they are not only dangerous but valuable to your social media reach.
We have the most beautiful views for you to pose in front of for friends on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, and Twitter, including but not limited to mountains, waterfalls, and bubbling rivulets. Our Five Star restaurant prepares the most photogenic food available in the entire South, serving up plates in a dazzling array of colors in our well lit booths.Be creative, even on rainy or foggy days the woods can be magical. A visit to Grimlies National Park will surely gain enough likes to take your social media game to the next level.
Gaze in wonder as your affordable Grimilies National Parks augmented reality app turns your phone into a time machine, reviving long-dead Indians, Bison, and old growth forests so you can see history as it really happened. We’ve got fiber optic cabins available for those who want to share their excursion with blazing fast internet speeds not even available in most cities.
