Internet Chronicle

INTERNET — They’re known as Black Knights and they’ve got a message for serial abusers of women on the internet: “We’re going to hunt you down and kill you in your sleep.”

The alarming new internet trend of trolls and doxxers has caused thousands of suicides of young women and girls. The abuser, or troll, becomes addicted to stalking, harrassing, and targeting a woman, ruining her life in the process. But now, vigilante Black Knights are fighting back.

Unlike so-called White Knights such as the famed knightsec of the hacker collective Anonymous led by Deric Lotsgutter, Black Knights are out for blood and are definitely not revealing their identities. A Black Knight known only as NotAnonymous told reporters, “No one knows we exist. No one knows who we kill. No one knows when we kill. But if you’re ruining women’s lives for fun on the internet, we’ll kill you in your sleep.”

Feminists contribute to bitcoin pools on the darknet, an encrypted “underground” of the internet accessed with Tor software, and the Black Knight can collect payment by placing a bid on the abuser which correctly predicts the target’s time of death.

NotAnonymous refused to elaborate on the mission of the Black Knights. “We don’t have any identity. We aren’t doing this to get laid. Most of us don’t even do it for the bitcoins. We do it for the same reason the abusers do it. For the lulz.”

REDDIT — The Nigerian Electronic Army, now in possession of a deadly “zero day” exploit for Reddit, has defaced several popular Reddit subforums with demands they be paid in dogecoin and bitcoin in exchange for release of the exploit. Among the defaced sites are a forum for Android smartphone users and League of Legends gamers.

Styling themselves, perhaps, after the infamous Syrian Electronic Army (SEA), the Nigerian Electronic Army’s (NEA) choice of targets seems far removed from the political or tactical targets of the SEA. The NEA’s defacement was somewhat reminiscent of LulzSec’s prank on PBS, but without the jokes or publicity for their Twitter account. LulzSec earned well over $180,000 in bitcoins with their antics, but only one of the hackers remains on the lam. The group disbanded after only 50 days.

Until Nigerian Electronic Army can increase the humor value of their defacements and grow an audience on a major Twitter account, they will probably find themselves in possession of only a very few dogecoins or bitcoins.

INTERNET — Workers on the set of of Neil deGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos reported what some called a “demonic possession” which overtook the pop scientist.

“He was frothing at the mouth, his eyes opened wide. I saw pain shoot across his face, like he was being whipped. Neil declared something like, ‘I am the source! I AM Dark Energy! I AM THE DARKNESS! The white man’s voice is the demon. I am the demon,’ and he flung himself at the camera crew, smashing one and giving a cameraman a black eye,” said one anonymous witness, who added, “He didn’t specifically say anything about the devil, but I was afraid for my life. He passed out and when he woke up he had no memory of what he’d done. He’s never used that voice before or since.”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, expert in psychology, dismissed the episode as meaningless, saying, “Tyson was under a lot of stress from all the compromises he had to make to appease producers who wanted the show to be more entertaining. The hot lights of the studio have long been known to trigger such episodes, even in the most mentally healthy and stable of us. Anyway, there’s no such thing as demons.”