Lil Wayne death hoax fooled millions of fans, Friday.INTERNET — Friday, millions were fooled by an Illuminati psy-op targeting fans of Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne visited the hospital for a prostate exam, and the paparazzi working for TMZ falsely reported he had suffered a ‘sizzurup overdose’ leading to a gruesome death by seizures.
TMZ has not redacted their false and dangerous reports, and Lil Wayne’s handler’s reportedly confirmed his safe condition using his Twitter account while the doctor checked his prostate for cancer. Lil Wayne has been a target of the Illuminati in the past, although he has defiantly stood up against their plans.
Inspired by Dennis Rodman, Lil Wayne planned on visiting North Korea, drawing the ire of the Illuminati. It is said that the leader of the Illuminati, a 35th degree freemason, can kill his enemies with a mere thought. Considering the incredible danger Lil Wayne must pose to the Illuminati, it is astounding he is still alive.
INTERNET–Sue Brasko, that insane woman staring at you from behind her macbook in the corner of Starbucks, filed a lawsuit against Internet Trolling Radio Host Vinceinthebay. Brasko stated, “This man hangs out with aliens, known to the internet as The Rustle League, and they have no human empathy whatsoever. He was abducted by them, injected with their DNA, and now he is like them. That’s why I’m suing all of them.”
Pressed for more details, Brasko cackled evilly for our reporters and then sneered at us like a witch, “I’ll get them all! All of them! Free Aaron Socio! Free Aaron Bale! The Rustle League are feds, aliens, satan-worshipping demon-summoners!” She slammed her fist on the table as she screeched, “DANNY DANTALION HAS PUT A CURSE ON ME, BUT HE’LL SEE HOW THAT WORKS OUT!” Brasko then started typing random, insane commands into a unix terminal on her macbook as if she knew what she was doing, mumbling mantras as her bloodshot eyes bulged rhythmically.
Vinceinthebay, responding as we replayed this video of Brasko incantations, said, “Fact check your own blog, amateurs . . . You people are addicted to kittens and bacon . . . We got people pretending to be journalists who are just tweeting lolcat memes.”
Hi, I’m Jim Ficks and this is Wal-Mart. At Wal-Mart, we cheer every morning, working ourselves up into a ravenous furor in the name of the great one and only, the provider, the destroyer – Wal-Mart of America. I’m Jim Ficks, and I have a job now. You Don’t. I’m Jim Ficks. My job is to rally employees working for $8 an hour, to rally together and “cheer” on our company name as audaciously as though they were speaking the unspeakable name of Yahweh himself.
Oh, HA HA. Don’t kid yourself! The Wal-Mart cheer not your typical high school cheer. At Wal-Mart, our morning cheers are actually the wailing song of abandoned hope, tinged with self-hatred the likes of which you never knew existed. That is, until our corporate overseer stated, in a company newsletter, that every morning from now until the end of human civilization will begin with a light-hearted climaxing chant, grow to a dull pulsing roar, and finally explode into a fireball of frenzied rage. Sweet, profit-maximizing rage. Don’t just watch – but focus – as the bald one they call “Joey” bristles with tension before snapping free from his hate-filled fervor, ready to seize the day like the throat of his enemy. Ready for blood, ready to stock shelves.
YOU LIKE THAT, YEAH YOU LIKE THAT DON’T YOU WAL-MART
WE HATE NIGGERS FOR YOU, WAL-MART. WE HATE OURSELVES. WE JUST WANNA COME IN THERE AND BUY YOU $2.15 CORN DOGS WAL-MART. WE NEED YOUR NITRATES IN OUR TOXIC BODIES TO MAINTAIN EQUILIBRIUM, WAL-MART, LEST WE TIP THE BALANCE OF HATE IN THE DEVIL’S HONOR. DACTARAI!!!!! FOR YOUR LOVE, MINE PRINCE OF PURITY. FOR YOUR PROFIT! Erodium Purus Nosferatu! MY PALE, FLUSHED FACE WAL-MART IT BURNS WITH SODIUM IODIDE, WAL-MART. WWWWWAAAAAAAAALLLL-MAAAARRRRRRRT!
