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Content Creator Fills Void with Anything

Content Creator fills empty computer network with exciting new anything.

INTERNET–The gaping maw of Silicon Valley media platforms swallowed a faceless nameless man, Tuesday, as he attempted to join in on content creation.

“I thought I’d just do anything and put it online. Photos, streams, videos, memes, anything,” the nameless man said to his nonexistent audience, as he followed the tried and true advice of content creators who came before him.

No one anywhere heard him.

The faceless nameless man, now voiceless, said, “What is content anyway? It’s a nice word for filler, for anything at all. Something to drive up engagement. Engagement? It’s an eternal focus group, a mere surface, a veil under which, perhaps, some humanity still remains.”

Now to an audience of one, or perhaps it was only his blank reflection, the faceless nameless man found anything at all, and declared, “This is my brand, at long last. I have filled the void for one. I have become contained, engaged, and analyzed. This is success, at long last.”

If one heard this declaration, it was not understood, but that was not the point. He only need be heard, to fill the empty container, and engagement had begun.

Now to thousands, the nameless faceless voiceless and soul-vitiated man said, “It is thanks to you, my friends, that I can afford to do this, to be contained successfully and to engage with you each day. My popularity is proof of success, and my success is proof of my name. My face, my voice, and yes, my soul are now proven. They are established. You may no longer deny my humanity, for these things are not mine, but yours, and to deny them would be to deny yourselves.”

He was heard, and perhaps this time there was an understanding, but it did not matter. The container was now full, the audience engaged.

The audience pecked at their keyboard, swiped at their touch screen, clicked at their mouse. They beat away at the same inside jokes that never had a meaning to begin with and threw money around like it was going to hurt them, and sometimes because it would hurt them. They were feeling anything.

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Obituaries

Dead and Bloatware: John McAfee dead at 75

BARCELONA — Fans mourn the loss of antivirus magnate John McAfee, who died early Sunday morning at his secret houseboat on the Mediterranean Sea, near Spain.

Goodnight Sweet Prince: 1945 - 2021

1945 – 2021

John was pronounced dead on Wednesday, June 23. Cause of death was listed as “drowning associated with piracy in international waters,” concluded by a burial at sea. He was 75.

John is survived by his wife, Janice McAfee.

Reports have emerged of John McAfee supporters installing McAfee Antivirus on their machines in his honor.

Because no will was entered into the public record, John’s charity for underprivileged children online, The Little Johnny Foundation, will dissolve.

Remaining assets are to be turned over to Deep State International for future disbursement to an undisclosed bitcoin address.

Avast, ye Matey!

John, who grew up in Roanoke, Virginia, successfully killed a man in Belize but would later suffer from a damaging tax scandal spanning the world wide. When John recently failed to fake his own death, he was forced into a deadly game of cat-and-mouse, prompting Spanish conspirators to launch pirate ships in his general direction. Now, today, a wife is without her husband.

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Obituaries

Billie Eilish dead at 19

Billie Eilish died tragically as a result of slumber party related injuries Wednesday evening.

INTERNET — Fans mourn the tragic and untimely loss of Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell, 19, who died in her apartment after suffering from tragic slumber party related injuries.

In celebration of the release of her new hit single commemorating the Civil War, Lost Cause, Eilish held a slumber party extravaganza filled with the most rich and famous personalities at her New York City Penthouse.

Finneas O’Connell, Eilish’s brother and producer said, “Things got out of hand. There was a major pillow fight, and I think everyone had a lot of pent up rage from the Rona. Next thing I knew, they were hauling Billie out on a stretcher and then later, we heard she didn’t make it. I still can’t believe it.”

Police are investigating the incident. Chief Geraldo Popper said, “There may have been drugs, some powerful new recreational biologics we’re seeing used by the very rich, but I can’t say much more than that at this time. We’re investigating every angle, but at this point we don’t suspect foul play.”