The unprovoked attack appeared as part of routine bullshit called Microsoft feature roll-up, a process during which Windows 10 users’ machines do hidden things with implied consent, “like magic.”
In the latest update, a pop-up briefly explains that it has been a while since you paid Microsoft for something, so the Fall Creators’ Update is offering users a choice between premium digital licenses to kiss Bill Gates’ fuzzy, wrinkled ass, or else go fuck yourselves and downgrade to Home Edition for free.
A sleek, modern update portal now lets users subscribe to a random kick in the dick by simply doing nothing. Uncheck a box, or agree to recurring charges, because you deserve it. The first update’s on the house!
Have your credit cards ready, because these Microsoft Windows 10 updates don’t fuck around.
4 replies on “CHRONICLE.SU MONTHLY RANSOMWARE ROUNDUP: Microsoft Windows releases Windows 10 update demanding payments by credit card”
We’ll kick in dick for 5 bills. Might be a wh0r3$, but painful we ain’t cheap.
them ain’t a sentences
Bill Gates is trying to turn the third world in an empire of corporate nation states. His latest invention, the “waterless toilet” allows him to de-prioritize plumbing and other essential infrastructure plans in order for him to develop a global network of privatized water monopolies,
he’s tryna take our water :(