Herman Cain: Trolling America

Sexual harasser and Black Republican Herman Cain has brought himself as much publicity as possible with his fake presidential campaign, selling hundreds of thousands of books each time he utters “999.” But is a truckload of pussy and book money all that all he hopes to gain by running for president? In his latest ad, an image of a man dragging a cigarette is followed by what can only be described as a trollface.jpg. See for yourself: . . .

#OccupySuburbia on October 31st

This video of police state brutality has created a nationwide grassroots backlash with more unrest to come. On October 31st, millions of unsatisfied American families will march on suburbia wearing masks in a show of support for Anonymous. This march is planned to last from 7pm until midnight, and like #OccupyWallStreet, protesters can expect to be fed by neighbors sympathetic to their cause. . . .

#OpCartel threatens to out gangsters

Grim music plays as Anonymous lays down what might be its most serious threat to date. The Zetas should have expected them. As Anonymous says in this video, wait and see. Just a few months ago, Anonymous was going after the border police, releasing their personal emails. Now they target the gangs! Anonymous is just that nihilistic. . . .

Thanks for ruining #OccupyWallStreet, Michael Moore

For some reason Occupy protesters love to chase off politicians, but not Michael Fucking Moore. Have they lost their minds? Nothing would convince me sooner that Occupy Wall Street is liberal astroturf than Michael Moore’s involvement. Michael Moore is fucking pissed off that he couldn’t get a moneyshot with cannister-skull Scott Olsen in the hospital while getting flashbanged by a fake Hollywood cop. Michael Moore took his private jet to Oakland just for that opportunity to ruin everything for everyone forever. He looks like Jabba the fucking Hutt! GTFO!!!! . . .

THE CHRONICLE.SU IS YOUR KIND

After many focus groups, Lebal Drocer understands you want diversity in your news. Sorry, but we only trust white people. . . .

The Lebal Drocer, Incorporated

Who is that, man? . . .

A call to the Tea Party: Clean up #InfestWallStreet

The Occupy (Infest) movement has taken its first serious blow in Oakland, California. Tuesday morning, peace officers protected the city from this Infestation by firing off tear gas bombs while the Marxist sinners slept, sedated by heroin and marijuana. This destructive and hateful element was removed from the streets and arrested, and if there was any justice in this country, they would face capital punishment for high treason. Mayor Bloomberg should take a lesson from the inspired leadership in Oakland and clean the rats and cockroaches that look like humans out of Zucotti Park. These disgusting dregs of “humanity” are not exercising their freedom of speech, they are abusing it. If Infest Wall Street got what they wanted, everyone in America would have free food and access to illegal drugs. America is becoming the next Sodom and Gomorrah. . . .

Why the internet hates Presstorm.com

A few months ago, Presstorm.com consisted of a group of mostly well-meaning writers commenting on topics that were purportedly too hard-hitting for mainstream media. Some of these writers were serious journalists and some wrote meaningful editorials. Now there is nothing left but the pedantic opining of Jamie Jo Corne, although no one knows what her real name is. Incredibly, Corne has lost nearly 900 followers on Twitter in the past two weeks. She is truly a desperate outcast. Jamie Jo Corne is an ex-con with a history of personality and mood disorders and also the mother of a very old man’s children. That’s a lot of cannon fodder for the trolls of the internet, but it’s definitely not enough, on its own, to justify the level of hate the internet has for Corne. In all frankness, Corne has the internet’s worst case of Unwarranted Self Importance, a subject the writers at Chronicle.SU hold several doctorates in. We teach a class every other Tuesday at Virginia Western Community College, if you’re interested. . . .

Tea Party bombs Occupy Maine, threatens to Stab Occupy New Mexico

Sunday morning, jacked up on a fresh dose of religious indoctrination, two men affiliated with the Tea Party attempted acts of violence against the 99%. In Maine, a chemical bomb was detonated in the camper’s kitchen areas. In New Mexico, a man drew a knife and asked the occupants, “Who wants to be first?” These events follow a fatal spree-killing of Occupy DC protesters earlier this month. No protesters were hurt in the latest attacks. Analysts have suggested violence against protesters has taken a steep climb, and the protesters may just want to go home now if they value their lives. . . .

What 1984 taught us

I remember back when being gay was a sin. Those were the days… before the Islams and the Muslims started chopping off our heads! . . .