Categories
Law News

Police Gang-Rape and Tase Autistic Quadriplegic Black Child with Down Syndrome

HOLYFUCKINGSHIT

BILOXI, MISS. – Livestreamers at Occupy the Bayou captured the gang rape of a wheelchair-bound child who was beaten for laughing at riot police. The autistic quadriplegic is now in intensive care at Biloxi Regional Medical Center, and no charges have been filed against the officers identified in the footage. Anonymous released the “d0x” of suspected officers, and they have been inundated with endless phone calls and pizza deliveries, weak justice for such a terrible offence.

In the footage, which is too graphic to post, the officers clearly did exactly what everyone on Twitter is saying. Behind a cloud of tear gas, the laughing retard child is kicked out of his wheelchair, beaten, tasered, stripped naked, and then raped repeatedly by a group of officers. The police then showered rubber bullets and beanbags on the livestreamers with complete indiscrimination, and Twitter rumors confirmed they confiscated and destroyed all cameras before similarly raping the rest of the Occupiers. A witness commented the child did not stop laughing and did not lose consciousness until paramedics administered sedatives.

Police Chief John Miller said to our field reporter in Biloxi that none of these wild accusations are true and then raped him repeatedly. “Rape jokes aren’t funny. It’s a real thing that happens commonly to all sorts of people, and you are empowering rapists by making these kinds of jokes,” said one naive radical feminist who was then gang-raped by the executives at Lebal Drocer, Industries. Frank Mason, faked-death shadow CEO, commented that the raping was “just no fun without a taser.”

Categories
News

James Holmes, Batman killer, MIND-CONTROLLED BY WESLEY WILLIS SONG

Aurora Detective Jeffery Balzac said, “Upon investigating James Holmes’ laptop, left in his vehicle at the scene, we found this video had been viewed thousands of times.”

Categories
Entertainment

AMERICA CAN’T LOOK AWAY! Trainwreck Sensation Little Honey Boo Boo Empowers Market With Fearless March Toward Diabetes

Move over, “Toddlers & Tiaras!” Because there’s a new girl in town. . .

Fresh from the impaired minds of The Learning Channel executives who brought you “What Not to Wear,” “Randy to the Rescue,” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” comes little Honey Boo Boo.

Tune in this fall as fat Michelin-man shaped rednecks flop into a mud hole repeating Larry the Cable Guy memes, until you think you just can’t take it anymore. Then, wait for Honey Boo Boo to win back your heart with cute emotional avoidances, like, “You better redneckocgnize!”

“Redneckognize” is a play on words which combines all the ignorance brought to mind by the euphemistic racial slur “redneck,” with the word “recognize,” or to consider again; literally, to identify something or someone previously seen, such as the degradation of educational cable TV stations.

And if you learn anything from this corporate-induced delusional exploit, you’ll learn Little Honey Boo Boo is hardly the meanest one, or the baddest of the bunch. Indeed, much of her family is being paid and encouraged to reinforce every stereotype television helped create. WATCH IT EVERY NIGHT FOR ALL I CARE!

Watch for producers to inject new cutesy catch phrases, such as “Where’s mah insulin?”