The film you are about to see may shock and disturb you, especially as a DPRK national living on US soil (God help you).
It is the sad duty of [ALL SOVCHRON EDITORIAL STAFF] to fulfill the wishes of Our Dear Leader who shares the opinion that there is simply no other alternative than to illuminate the hidden perils of the Western Imperialists and their pernicious threat to our glorious nation.
You may feel compelled to look away during certain moments, but for the Glory of God do not avert your eyes!
These revelations are the direct result of the miraculous visions of Our Eternal President who, in his eternal wisdom, commissioned intellectual observers [spy nationals] to Seoul for evidence collection of this threat against the DPRK and innocent citizens worldwide.
GOP SECRET FUND ENABLED GADHAFI SLAYING FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT
New leaks reveal hate-filled war financiers are mainly YOU
Even Bill Maher supports the extrajudicial murder of ousted Libyan leader Colonel Gadhafi. Who supported murder when Robert Kennedy was shot? Who supported Murder when Martin Luther King was shot? Who supports war when protesters are maced and beaten and arrested by the hundreds for sitting in parks to make a statement? Oh, that’s right. THE GOVERNMENTS OF THE WORLD DO SO THAT CORPORATIONS CAN PRETEND NOT TO. Is it because the police are the only guaranteed union left in every state in America?
“Shut up, liberal hippie ass communist FAGGOT. Go listen to All Along the Watchtower and shoot up pot so the adults can work, OK? Thanks.” -Raleigh Theodore Sakers President, Lebal Drocer, Inc.
Their money comes directly from mega companies to protect them. It used to be they only had to pay the politicians. This time they had to go to the Chiefs of Police. Let ’em. Every arrest goes into a national total and unlike your vote, folks, these count. The rapes don’t, though. The following never occurred:
“There was a finger went in my vagina during a search. I applied for therapy recently, and they rescheduled my intake. They said with all my problems, it’s going to take longer to get me an appointment with somebody, and that was my fault, they said.”
We got Gadhafi recently.
Found him in a hole. NATO and U.S.-backed forces shot him like you’d do an oppressive dictator that you find in a hole.
In a spontaneous celebration of the death of all respect for International Law, black-and-white thinkers everywhere hailed the private assassination as the finest-looking murder and cover-up to take place since al-Awlaki.
More on this as the Pentagon allows us to report it.
Why? Why is chronicle.su this hateful black enterprise I can not even stand to look at anymore? Why do I no longer like this place?
Seriously, I’m about to pull a Geo because there are just too many bad vibes around this hate hole. I’m sending up a distress flare because I don’t know what else to do anymore. I’m no longer funny, this website isn’t funny, we are just hurtful abusive people with no respect for dead children or their grieving families.
I used to think chronicle.su was a bottomless source of ironic lies but now I’m not so confident in that assertion. Sure, there are 35 people staring at DEAD LIL WAYNE at any given moment, but it’s not like they can read anyway or else they would already know he is “alive,” whatever you take that to mean . . . But I’m not talking about just trying to make the a sound for apple and pronouncing cat, but really reading – and comprehending – the world around them.
Literate individuals don’t fall for LIL WAYNE DEAD and park on the webpage all day, and spread it around without checking other sources. Okay, dying AIDS-infected Africans were crossing the Sahara to register their grievances at the metropolis internet cafe. So what chronicle.su has proven to me in the last nine months is worse than anything I could have ever imagined without performing this experiment for myself:
1. There are more stupid people than statistics could possibly account for, and yet I’m astounded by the numbers.
2. I am a toxin. If there’s anybody I can think of besides our last fourteen presidents who deserves brain cancer, it’s Lady GaGa for making anti-intellectualism appear sexy and appealing, and yet I am the one who made people cry announcing she has brain cancer.
But since I did it anyway, check out this video of the some little girl freaking out about it or something. Or don’t. Just go the fuck away now.
Lady Gaga! She wants to be like you when she grows up. A vapid, expressionless sellout! GOOD WORK, WHORE.
Nothing is funny anymore. Nothing is surprising. Anonymous is dead, and even that is kind of sad because it was so funny to watch internet losers migrate the handle from DDoSing Hal Turner, to blocking up a fake swimming pool in Habbo Hotel, to Scientology, and all the way back around again to DDoSing bank websites before finally getting arrested en masse. Yummy yummy honeypotty! Now we’re wasted, now we’re screwed. Now I’m bored. So what the fuck is next?
ANSWER: I don’t give a shit. I am going to lay it all right out for you. I know by now we have some fans (people who hate us are “fans,” too, by the way) and for some reason you keep coming back here to see if I replied to your meaningless comments, to see if your shitty, grammatical atrocities are making a difference on my own fake opinion (they don’t), because you might feel that you’ve somehow caused a tree to fall in the forest – and for everybody who heard it, no one paid attention. Not even me. Especially not me. And I am writing now to inform you– no, to ask of you– no . . . I am just writing. And that’s how it’s going to be. That’s what I’m laying down.
I’m a cunt sliver . . .
If you ever once came to this website and thought I was writing to you, for you, about you – even if I was – I don’t want your feedback. I’m a cunt sliver away from turning off all the comments, globally, and firing material into your blank eyes with NO POSSIBLE RECOURSE. ZERO. Because I’m tired of you. I’m tired of the pressure. I’m tired of this broken, hateful website, and I’m tired, most of all, of hating this place I (ironically) designed to be hated.
I’m DONE with it. I’m done with you festering, stinking maggots who sallow each article. I’m done with your cute usernames, multiple IP addresses, multiple fucking usernames, and every combination inbetween. I’m done with your tired little surmises. I’m done with your discussions. I’m done with the chat room, the radio show, and most importantly – in case I haven’t yet made it clear – I’m done with you.
FUCK THE READERSHIP. ALL OF YOU. MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, MY LANDLORD – ESPECIALLY MY LANDLORD, HE IS A THIEVING CHARLATAN like the readers. I DON’T GIVE A FLYING HAT TRICK WHO YOU ARE. I AM FINISHED WITH ALL OF IT, AND THIS WEBSITE.
Geo Gillenhall, abandonment enthusiast, left chronicle.su again Tuesday after Kilgore Trout insulted his favorite drug abusing author, the legendary Hunter S. Thompson, famed author of Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972 and Hell’s Angels – the book that got his ass beat.
Upon learning the news, Kilgore Trout pronounced all sacred cows sacrificed – especially Geo, who is given up for sacrifice on a routine basis, beyond comedy, beyond usefulness, beyond what attention he might even reasonably be owed, which is already nothing. It’s just senseless, really.
The roulette wheel, if it spins, could slip any number of sacred icons into the proverbial gallows: Charles Manson, perhaps, or Media Mogul Rupert Murdoch – or even Topiary.
A ghastly apparition spawned within your heart and exited through your eyes, heating your face along the way. Hot with rage, your butthole tightens at the mere possibility of reading something negative about Lil’ Bitty Topiary, the sacred jewel of the butthurt 99% Fagsec and Fucksec, Childmolestersec, Freesec, Sucksec and Dickseck anonymous.
Sweet Lord Baby Jesus have mercy and cast no furtive eye upon the innocent and holy and non-credit card-mining Topiary of LulzSec Heavenly Christ.
Geo is scheduled to silently return by the end of tomorrow’s article, unless something comes up like the screening of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at his religious bible study school independent film group, to which he does not belong because extracurricular activities are for fags and Geo’s a winner.
Houston–SlaveTech Enterprises office monkey Harold Strafford the Third opened fire on his colleagues Wednesday after contracting a rare, unseasonable case of the Mondays.
Mario Kline, 32, described the gripping moment Strafford decided to murder his colleagues. Strafford stepped Kline’s wounded body just before succumbing to a hail of gunfire by responding officers.
“He strafed down aisle after aisle of cubicles, pumping a frenzy of lead into anything that moved – and all the computers. Especially the computers. It was horrible. I had all my porn on there, and some people are dead.”
Shotgun blast after shotgun blast, Strafford killed four people and injured seventeen others. Among his victims were two office clerks, a member of upper-middle management, and the secretary who greeted him at the door. Each victim was shot in the mouth.
Strafford’s attorney, Leo Steinbrenner, told reporters his client was “under a lot of stress” Wednesday, and had no patience for people constantly asking him what was wrong. “He was just having a case of the Mondays,” Steinbrenner explained, adding, “Sure, my client acted out of line; sure, you can call it a murderous rampage. But in a bad job market, my client is a maverick. [emphasis added] You can’t say he isn’t thinking outside the box! Try to look at it this way: my client is a job creator.”
A note found on the gunman’s untouched desk exhibits total loss of control as Strafford ultimately succumbed to the will of his unsuppressed rage, and urge to create jobs:
USELESS ENVisioning a pick-axe in your fucking face of raw bone pure fury hatred “Bella Mew. Monday. Wednesday morning murderhate.” Little faggot daughter suck a dick find a man, try to escape this loveless land, I dare you little whore– Try to escape My murderous hand.
“Old Brutus,” SlavTech custodian, said Strafford confronted him in the middle of his killing spree. “He looked me in the eye and said I’ve got a lot of work to do – ‘after all this’ – cleaning up blood, and guts, and stuff. He said he had no hard feelings toward me, mostly because out of all the weed he ever smoked in his life, he said just about all fifty pounds of it came from me and my people.”
No word yet on how the family’s victims will cope with today’s brutal tragedy, but sources are already reporting intake of marijuana, alcohol and barbiturates to ease the pain of losing a father, a brother, a son, a daughter, wife, a sister, a close friend – all beloved office drones – all sacrificed at the hands of a case of the Mondays.
Our prayers and the prayers of Lebal Drocer, Inc. go out to the SlavTech Corporation whose untold suffering won’t be felt until Monday, when Human Resources must undergo the arduous task of listing several job openings on the Internet date rape site craigslist.org.
A picture “allegedly” of famed Anonymous escapee hacker Commander X sitting in the streets of Montreal appeared three days ago randomly from an “ănonymous” source. All exif data has been cleaned, so there is no way to possibly verify the eyewitness account confirming his identity or the image itself existing at any date or time. The image shows a city that could be any city at all, so law enforcement will be sure to track him right the fuck down in no time flat.
So there you go! This data is about as useful as a shit and the elderly homeless hacker roams free, yet again. Where are you batman?
Hunter S. Thompson was a human being until he wrote himself into a hero myth. It’s not that he wasn’t a great writer, he certainly was. His problem was living some thin fucking bullshit persona until the popularity of that lie killed him.
Thompson surrounded himself with sycophantic admirers and in going after “bastards” became increasingly like those “bastards” until his end. The man got complacent, and died as a fucking self-absorbed tragic cartoon on a neverending quest for women and fame.
Although an American icon for bad journalism, Thompson left a hateful trail of idiosyncratic beliefs that haven’t aged very well. In the audio commentary for Fear And Loathing, Thompson continually lets out screams from snorting Amyls as he spews homophobia. I’m sure he thought it was very funny at the time, and shit, he was the king of funny! The decider! In the documentary Breakfast with Hunter, the coot bedevils Fear and Loathing writers, chasing them from his “compound” because they wanted to turn his cartoon story into a cartoon. There is nothing more pathetic than an angry old cartoon persona crank raging out over the despoliation of his sacred work. At least the geezer had the balls to do it himself.
I’ve only read a single book by Thompson, or more accurately, I’ve only listened to the audiobook of Fear and Loathing because everyone made a big fuss about him being some kind of godlike writer. I laughed some, and was forced to watch all the documentaries, but in the end he was just another drugged out self-mythologizing lunatic on a power trip from hell.