Neil DeGrasse Tyson, the Token Public Intellectual Rage Comic Character

Let’s face the facts if we’re going to be a bunch of rational Scientist Atheist fanboys, okay? Neil DeGrasse Tyson is no Carl Sagan or Slavoj Žižek.  I’m a cultural critic now, because I watch a lot of Slavoj Žižek, so I’m going to “deconstruct” the hell out of this situation for ya.

I know this is stinking disgusting, hell, it’s racist of me to say this, but it has to be said. White Guilt is the biggest reason Neil Degrasse Tyson has become an internet celebrity rage comic source for Athiest hardons.

Hell, White Guilt is the biggest reason Obama got elected. You won’t see me over with the “Birthers” tellin’ you Neil Tyson’s some kind of a Manchurian candidate raised to this holy pulpit of Scientific-Atheist-Hero-Myth-Religion by the Muslim-Satan-BLUEBEAM-AncientAlien-Agenda, but I will tell ya this. He’s not famous for being smart. Okay, well, he is famous for being relatively “smart,” but we can’t even begin to put him in the same room as Sagan, Žižek, or even that Anarchist Bastard Occupy Cultist Chomsky.

Carl Sagan’s central role and massive contribution to “Space Science” cannot be overlooked.

Sagan was Dir. of the Laboratory for Planetary Studies and David Duncan Prof. of Astronomy and Space Sciences at Cornell University. He played a leading role in the Mariner, Viking and Voyager expeditions to the planets and was a recipient of the Pulitzer Prize for literature. He died in 1996.

Slavoj Žižek stands on equally “hollowed” ground, and is even compared to Jacques Derrida on “WikiPedia!”

He has made contributions to political theory, film theory and theoretical psychoanalysis. “One of the world’s best known public intellectuals” according to John Gray[2], it has been said that “Žižek is to today what Jacques Derrida was to the 80s: the thinker of choice for Europe’s young intellectual vanguard”.

So what contributions, what great scientific advancements, what major accomplishment is Neil DeGrasse Tyson known for most?

As director of the Hayden Planetarium, Tyson bucked traditional thinking in order to keep Pluto from being referred to as the ninth planet in exhibits at the center…this decision has resulted in large amounts of hate mail, much of it from children.

Every time the following glyph is posted to the Internet, Black Tinkerbell loses her wings. But that’s right! Faeries are rarely Black except in fanart. Oh there I go mentioning the race thing again. Wouldn’t it be better if no one ever talked about the undercurrent of racism so it would just disappear from your sweet insulated whitebread suburban internet life?

This is actually the best reason to hate Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Look at how his skin is white here, even though his clearly African features have actually been emphasized by the graphic artist. Freddie Mercury’s rageface is blacker than this (because he’s gay).

Yes, you are dealing with a badass over here. Why doesn’t the Internet understand Tyson is “apart” of the bottom-tier of Public Intellectuals?! He says a few things about Atheists, and all the Atheists who have never even CONSIDERED serious theology or philosophy turn him into some substitute holy man. All hail Neil DeGrasse Tyson, the guy who took Pluto out of our Planetariums!!!1 Bitch, we want MORE planets, not less! Can’t you understand this!? I’d LOVE to have 1,000 planets. WTF is an exoplanet? As if Pluto’s somehow not a part of our god damn Sun’s Timespace Gravitywell. Sheesh! Get outta my Rage Comics, I hate ’em enough already!

CHRONICLE.SU ABANDONS GOOGLE ADSENSE

CHRONICLE.SU EDITOR MEDIA MOGUL SAID GOODBYE TO GOOGLE SUNDAY FOLLOWING A DISPUTE OVER PAYMENT OF “ASTRONOMICAL PROPORTIONS.”

GOOGLE INC, THE LARGEST CRIME RING IN HUMAN HISTORY, DEFENDED THEIR SUSPICIOUS CLIENTELE OF TACO HUSTLERS AND PRO-LIFE AGENDA FROM LITIGATION SUNDAY AFTER CHRONICLE.SU PARENT COMPANY LEBAL DROCER, INC. DEMANDED PAYMENT FOR ADSPACE FROM THE 1% ON THE LEGENDARY HATE SITE CHRONICLE.SU.

CHRONICLE.SU IS THE WORLDS FIRST ANTI-CORPORATE INCORPORATED NEWS SOURCE

MEDIA MOGUL REPORTEDLY SAID, “FUCK IT!” ADDING, “WE’LL DO IT LIVE,” WITHOUT ENDORSEMENT OF ANY KIND.

“TOO BAD WE GOT MORE PAYMENT IN IRONY THAN THEY COULD EVER GIVE US IN CASH,” SAID CHRONICLE HATEMONGER KILGORE TROUT.

“WE AREN’T QUITE SURE WHAT WE’VE DONE,” REPORTED FRANK MASON FROM HIS DESK IN HAWAII, “BUT SOMEHOW WE’VE PERPETRATED AGAINST THE ONE PERCENT.”

THEY FINANCED TERRORISM.

CHRONICLE.SU HAS OFFICIALLY LOST THE SUPPORT OF MASTERCARD, VISA, AMAZON AND THOSE GUYS THAT FUNNEL GUNS INTO THE HANDS OF NEGRO CHILDREN WHO STILL CAN’T READ.

  • CHRONICLE.SU
    • TERRORIST NETWORK

AFTER GOOGLE COMPLAINED OF THE “ILLICIT CONTENT” [OF TRUTH] FOUND AT CHRONICLE.SU – AND WARNED THEY WOULD PULL FUNDING FROM THE PROJECT UNLESS CHRONICLE.SU CHANGED COURSE – LEBAL DROCER, INC. DELETED THE CODE FROM ITS SERVERS AND FAXED THE JEWS AT GOOGLE A BLACK AND WHITE COPY OF FUCK YOU.

LET THIS BE A STRONG WARNING TO THE REST: YOU’RE NEXT.

THE POWER OF THE VIRGIN REVOLUTION

Dear citizens of the world,

For far to long have we have been socially rejected. For far to long have we stood by and watched seemingly attractive people who aren’t awkward actually get the opportunity to talk to a girl. For far to long have we seen people get profiled based on wearing a piece of plastic on their face. It has been to long since something has happen that has changed the world. Getting laid and seeking employment is long overdue and I am here to introduce the start.

Many people have been protesting in the streets of New York, and they’ve gotten beat by police for being hippies, LOL. The only problem with the spreading is it wasn’t very well organized to begin with because we actually have no idea what we’re even protesting about. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea and think I am taking away from progress, because this is certainly true. I support the new “occupy” movements and will take part in my local occupy, and gladly get my ass kicked by cops, which will be streamed, and will be fucking hilarious.

What I am suggesting is something more or less on the lines of Global Protest Day except a bit more organized and planned. So here is what I am suggesting.

On the first Monday of April 2012, we shall march to every capitol to demand more money because work sucks, in your local governments, to your countries government, we shall avoid vaginas and social acceptance EVERYWHERE.

This shall be launched on a time schedule. Starting with the first timezone to hit 9 a.m. on that Monday morning and then working its way through every single timezone, except Africa.

Think about it. Every hour a new protest launches in another place and cops waste their time kicking some hippies ass when they could be home with their family or destroying their wife in bed. More people every hour and the cancer would spread globally. There would be no chance for a media blackout. And there would be no chance for oppression, because, we don’t have freedom to say what we want in America, although we do, we ignore that and say we don’t. This is the age of hacking, which we seriously have no idea what the fuck that even is. Legs spread faster than they ever have, and we still can’t get pussy. We can still do this.

This is not a final draft, because if it was I’d be pretty embarassed. This is something I want to spread and get feedback. I want this to work, because I don’t want to, I like handouts. I want the power of the virgins to be that. THE POWER OF THE VIRGINS. WE ARE HERE. WE ARE ANGRY. WE WILL NEVER BE SOCIALLY ACCEPTED. BUT NO MORE. AWAKEN, TIME TO TURN AMERICA INTO A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY.

WE R ANONYM0ZE
WE R LEEJUN LOLOLOLOLOL FB
WE DO NOT FORGIVE THE EVIL BIG BAD CORRUPT BAD BIG GOVERNMENTS
WE DO NOT FORGET THE CORRUPTION OF BIG BAD CORPORATIONS OF WHICH WE STILL BUY PRODUCTS FROM
EXPECT NOTHING, SERIOUSLY, BECAUSE WE AREN’T EVEN A THREAT. WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO HACK, AND WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE’RE EVEN DOING

Love always.
@anonymously37

How to make a “better” Occupy: Part 4-7

This is parts 4-7 of “What Occupy and Anonymous are really about but what they don’t want to admit to,” where we take all the parts before and put them through the lens of possibly the worst crank ever, Machiavelli.

This bastard is written of accurately by Legions of armchair scholars on Wikipedia:

To retain power, the hereditary prince must carefully maintain the socio-political institutions to which the people are accustomed; whereas a new prince has the more difficult task in ruling, since he must first stabilize his new-found power in order to build an enduring political structure. He believed that social benefits of stability and security could be achieved in the face of moral corruption. Aside from that, Machiavelli believed that public and private morality had to be separate in order to rule. To do this required that the prince be concerned not only with reputation but that he be also willing to act immorally. As a political scientist, Machiavelli emphasizes the occasional need for the methodical exercise of brute force, deceit, and so on.
Scholars often note that Machiavelli glorifies instrumentality in statebuilding – an approach embodied by the saying that “the ends justify the means.” Violence may be necessary for the successful transfer of power and introduction of new legal institutions. Force may be used to eliminate political rivals, to coerce resistant populations, and to purge previous rulers who will inevitably attempt to regain their power. Machiavelli has become infamous for this political advice, ensuring that he would be remembered in history as an adjective, “Machiavellian.”

Machiavelli’s instrumentalist approach to power is similar to Sorel’s “ethical myth,” in that the ends are so important that the means should be forgotten. In the throes of Baudrillard’s death sprial, the power which is most able to assert itself is that which presents the most hyperreal (Disneyland) image. That is, the Tea Party’s simulated “protest” was so appealing despite its hollow and meaningless beginnings, but that very meaninglessness was by design necessary for its success. In this world, it would never do to try to expose “truth,” unless such “truth” is so watered down with Sorelian “ethical myths” and built, by design, as a patently hollow symbol. The kicker, of course, is that Occupy seems to have purposefully opposed all these pitfalls and actually emulated them through projection of the self, as Hofstadter concludes. The only winning move to avoid oppositional emulation seems to be opposing everything from behind the thin veil of irony. “Genuine” opposition will often break this barrier silently and without warning; this is how 4chan trolls become “heroes.”

So, taking all this in the light of Machiavelli’s instrumentalism, I will boldy project myself onto Machiavelli as I did with Sorel in “part 1,” and come up with a strategy that consciously looks at all of these imaginary mechanisms in a purely fictional post-structural metaphor. Trust me, the ends justify the means.

The bastards from the General Assembly hired a film crew that was used to shooting documentary footage in the African Savannah. They brought in their own “protesters,” hired actresses, the whole lot of them impossibly cute hippie chicks. The group decked themselves out in standard Occupy garb, but it was somehow cleaner, like they weren’t the type of people who would ever do drugs. A dreadlocked pair of “Lesbians” seemed to be the most restrained in their style, but also the most eye-catching.

The film crew had paid for a permit and rented Zucotti Park for the day. Of course, it had to be Zucotti Park, and they had to have complete control. Beaming, the actresses raised a flag in a moment that was choreographed to resemble the iconic scene at Iwo-Jima, and the film crew captured it expertly, purposefully inserting “realistic” camera jostling to complete the illusion. The director stood up on a park bench, nodding with satisfaction at the scene.

A team of set-dressers then converged on the park, tents were carelessly set up, a quaint “library” materialized, and some nonthreatening homeless were corralled to a “kitchen” where a buxom “protester” served up carry-out from a cold pot set on a camp stove that was not operating. The weary old men, forgotten by society, were then given a wad of cash by the director and left the “camp,” their false tears now transformed into tears of real joy at the liquor they had just scored.

The group of beautiful faux protesters gathered in a drum circle, which they had heavily rehearsed, and former “real” Occupy protesters were given books from the “library” and told to “read” them in the background, so the park would look more “Occupied.” It probably wouldn’t be possible to tell what books were being “read” on film, but I saw one copy of Twilight and a few Star Trek spinoff novels used as props. The scene was impossibly serene, a halcyon moment of pure utopian bliss. The “Lesbians” with dreadlocks stage kissed like any soap opera couple.

The cameras were turned off as a black-clad group that authorities could never prove were in any way affiliated with the film crew converged on Zucotti Park. As quickly as they had shown up, they melted away, and the camp was in post-apocalyptic ruins. A trash can burned, the flag was torn down, and all the actresses were individually giving testimonies to the camera in front of this tightly controlled backdrop. Oh, they gnashed their teeth about the vicious, unfair attack from the police and the heroic defense put up by the Black Bloc. God Bless Them, holy defenders of Liberty Park’s Sovereignty. The trained voices strained in fear of the next assault, which would surely be the final end to the dreams of Liberty Park.

At this point, the real-life members of the General Assembly went through their usual human microphone rage, but this scene was framed later in editing from the point of view of the small group of women that had dramatically raised the flag. They joked viciously, called it cultish mind-control, and remained completely aloof during the whole Assembly. This ironic scene later played well with audiences, providing a well-needed comic break.

Soon after, real riot police showed up in response to the vandalism, visibly confused about the presence of the film crew. In the highly edited final footage, none of these confused moments were allowed to destroy the illusion. All that folks at home saw were a group of sterilized hippies bravely sitting on the shore as a tide of Black Stormtroopers crashed on them with zip-ties, pepper spray, and nightsticks. The crew got amazing boom shots, impeccable audio, beautiful composition, and everything top-tier Hollywood production demands. They got away with their work, too, unscathed by the beasts of the city.

Later, the filmmakers would interview “police” in their homes, so as not to make this “documentary” too one-sided. The police generally would let out a sigh, and say that they were just doing their jobs. The police, most of all, hoped that somehow these kids would find a solution using new technology and the Internet.

 

Giorgio Tsoukalous secret agent for Raëlist agenda, Project Blue Beam

Raël is a CULT leader who attracts CHRIST PSYCHOSIS NUTJOBS from all over the world with the promise of SEX. Let’s face it, you were BORN OUT OF A FUCK! But at the beginning of that recursive chain of 50 trillion FUCKs, you were in a test tube from an alien. Everything was. That’s right, they’re the Angels and God is their leader. Every simple superstition you’ve ever believed is now PROVEN BY SCIENCE! How does it feel to know you were right about Jesus? Praise Jesus, Muhammed, Einstein, Buddha, and STeve.

Well, Giorgio Tsoukalos and his famous APophasis states that He’s not Sayin’ It’s Aliens but it’s Jesus.

That’s fucking right. It’s Jesus. Just like Raël said, but you know what? We’re ALL half Elohim and Jesus walks amongst ye, Paratars! You have at least 10,000 different entities controlling your “conscious” decisions and JESUS CAN WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus also has a dual nature! He is himself, a paratar. In fact, there is an infinite regression towards meaninglessness of identity because of the Contological Paradox, but fuggit… We don’t have TIME for infinite recursion. We live short lives, can’t even absorb 1/39328th of the world’s entire knowledge in one lifetime. BUT YOU GOTTA TRY!

See, the problem is we’ve got too many Jersey Shore experts and not enough SEX experts.

That’s where PROJECT BLUE BEAM COMES IN. They’re trying to create a new Christ out of Giorgio Tsoukalos, the pseudoscientist who’s valid enough for the History Channel. Just put an “Ancient Alien theorists believe…” in front of anything and it’s not a lie!

Fuckers.

Pretty much every Science Fiction Author ever is a part of Project Blue Beam trying to create a new religion that is more suited for the modern day than that Neophilic 2,000 year old shit. It ain’t cutting-edge, it ain’t a WINNER.

WHELL WHY IN THE FUCK IS IT WINNIN’?

Hell, I don’t know. It ain’t got crap on the Prometheus storyline, basically I think Philip K. Dick told our good friend Ridley Scott the secret answer to the Universe and the meaning behind his famous factual fictional novel, VALIS. This is where the story line of Prometheus was derived. Spoiler alert: It’s kinda maybe actually probably more related to Alien. Which sucks, by the way. I just have this lame nostalgia for Prometheus cause I saw it a day before Alien.

“NOW You’re JUST FUCKING WITH ME!”

“Steve”

“Steve” is a terrible salesman, fond only of shoving Lack down the throats of idiots and rubes. Everywhere “Steve” goes, he leaves a trail of jokes that are so bad they’d be funny if any other person delivered them. But “Steve” is not really a person, only an idea created by the right Reverend Doug Smith, a thin persona of Philip Ivanovich III. “Steve” is nothing more than a modern hero myth aimed at exploiting the very heart of post-scarcity Lack.  Lack is all that “Steve” has, and everyone knows it. Every waking moment, “Steve” embodies a train wreck and flails around wastefully, but somehow it works for him.

Religions like Raëlism and Scientology are obvious jokes, taken seriously by adherents in a desperate bid for Lack. Scientologists spend tens of thousands of dollars and years of phony auditing only to find out that it’s all kooky science fiction about some alien named Xenu. Still, the only Scientologist laughing is L. Ron Hubbard.

Reverend Doug Smith doesn’t laugh about “Steve,” only his followers do.

I have tried like hell to be like “Steve,” and I still don’t know whether I’m an abject failure or a total success. “Steve” is famous for destroying cults simply by infecting them with terrible jokes. Hell, he caused the fall of Paganism by telling Constantine that a dyslexic Zeus sold his soul to Santa.

As a new follower of “Steve,” I took the cult-destruction mission very seriously. It seemed to be one of the most important messages of the Book of “Steve.” I set to work undermining Reverend Doug Smith, that bastard, because HE was the one responsible for “Steve” in the first place. If I was going to destroy a cult, it had to be one I really believed in.

“Steve” usually stole good jokes and delivered them so badly they were no longer funny. I took a slightly different approach and stole all the bad jokes from Reverend Doug Smith in a vain attempt to make them even worse. I started my own religion and based it off of a guy named “Bob.” “Bob” was this crazy Reverse-Turing Test that had gained sentience and could identify individual personalities, even when they were trading off sockpuppets. “Bob” became wildly popular, but Doug Smith was not impressed.

Reverend Doug, I think, commanded his legion of “Stevies” to taunt me with sockpuppets. They hit me from every direction, infiltrating any area of the Internet I regularly visited. They both encouraged me and threatened my life, strengthening my resolve to destroy “Steve” at any cost. Over several months, I explored every crack in Reverend Doug’s evil cult that had so presumptuously invaded my brain, but there was no exploiting them. “Bob” had brought the sockpuppet torture, and “Bob” had to die. I killed “Bob” simply by not talking about “Bob.”

At this point, the mixed messages stopped coming from Reverend Doug’s sockpuppets, but instead they came from Reverend Doug himself. He and his evil cabal were dropping hints about how I was both terrible and heroic. I had finally become “Steve.”

Each year, Reverend Doug and his cult celebrated the beginning of a new world by camping out in city parks. I knew I had to show up, just to show him how much like “Steve” I really was. Being “Steve” on the Internet was easy, so I had to show up to prove that I was really the best “Steve” there had ever been.

On the long drive to the city, I got so lost in thought about how to best embody “Steve,” I swerved into the shoulder and nearly died several times. I arrived an emotional wreck and put on the Red Robe of “Bob,” preaching TransHuman madness to nobody in particular as I wandered around the city lost in “Steve.” Looking back, it was analogous to Jerusalem Syndrome.

I never actually found the camp of “Stevies,” but I did get arrested for shouting in the face of police officers. They told me later that the crowd following me was an illegal assembly and I needed a permit for that sort of thing. Reverend Doug was in the cell next to me, rambling on endlessly about “Steve” and Lack. By next year, I knew I’d finally figure out the True meaning of “Steve.”

UGNazi, “diversity of tactics,” Anonymous, and Occupy

This is the third part in the seven part “Why to make Anonymous an objectively better thing is a silly joke” series that aims to give people a Wikipedia level knowledge about social theory, cutting-edge philosophy, and historical analysis.

The following quote is from Richard Hofstadter’s The Paranoid Style in American Politics:

It is hard to resist the conclusion that this enemy is, on many counts, the projection of the self; both the ideal and the unacceptable aspects of the self are attributed to him. The enemy may be the cosmopolitan intellectual, but the paranoid will outdo him in the apparatus of scholarship, even of pedantry. Secret organizations, set up to combat secret organizations, give the same flattery. The Ku Klux Klan imitated Catholicism to the point of donning priestly vestments, developing an elaborate ritual and an equally elaborate hierarchy. The John Birch Society emulates Communist cells and quasi-secret operation through “front” groups, and preaches a ruthless prosecution of the ideological war along lines very similar to those it finds in the Communist enemy. Spokesmen of the various fundamentalist anti-Communist “crusades” openly express their admiration for the dedication and discipline the Communist cause calls forth.

Average Anarchist kooks employ the “diversity of tactics” argument disingenuously to defend actions which mirror those of their governmental enemies. It is not surprising whatsoever, in light of Hofstadter’s eloquent conclusion, that Anarchists who are defiantly anti-government would tend towards mock governance. Occupy declares sovereignty over a city park, creates a General Assembly, employs medics, and respects the Black Bloc for providing “necessary” defense from those who would not harm them but merely take away their sovereignty. While governance is explicitly what Occupy is opposed to, in reality it is all they have done.

Anonymous falls into the same trap of emulating that which they collectively oppose. In response to perceived government surveillance, Anonymous may respond by dumping unredacted e-mails that are highly personal. In response to government censorship, Anonymous may respond with DDoS attacks intended to disrupt communication and temporarily censor opponents.

Oppositional Emulation by the paranoid is justified by the ever-present threat of the enemy. Chomsky says: “Anarchists try to identify power structures. They urge those exercising power to justify themselves. This justification does not succeed most of the time.” Most social theorists consider Chomsky a crank, but he is incredibly important to many Anarchists simply because he’s quite popular. The tactics employed by the Black Bloc are the fundamental mechanisms of power employed by any repressive government. Violence (property damage) is the sole tactic which “diversity of tactics” refers to, as no other tactic is controversial save cooperating with “enemy” power structures. Fundamentally opposed to power, it is little wonder many Anarchists find Black Bloc tactics distasteful.

Here is the popular embodiment of evil juxtaposed with the giant, attractive eyes of an Anime babe.

UGNazi is an interesting splinter group of Anonymous which uses a cutesy rendition of Hitler for its heroic icon. Similar to LulzSec, UGNazi successfully employs irony in an attempt to divert attention both away from and towards their own crass exploitation of power.

UGNazi attacked the sacred Wounded Warrior’s Project, which Conservative hacker th3j35t3r has used to draw sympathy for his hawkish agenda. Before th3j35t3r could retaliate, UGNazi had already taken down 4chan, the sacred birthplace of Anonymous. UGNazi clearly used their power to blur the imaginary line between good and evil. They may still fall in the same trap LulzSec did, which literally became a sting operation within days of removing itself from the world of irony and morphing into AntiSec.

In a very real sense, ironic and self-aware tactics like those of UGNazi and LulzSec recognize that “activism” has become increasingly theatrical as the descent into Baudrillard’s death spiral accelerates. The refusal of a “serious” message and forced intention indicates a postmodern bent which is infinitely more appealing than the paranoid emulation of “enemies.” But is the artful, appealing deployment of power justified simply for being “cool” or “funny?” Ask Hitler!

Simulated Discontent

This is yet another Wikipedia-level Philosophical musing on today’s trendy politicized cultural events. Part two of the seven part “How to Build a Faster Occuponymous” series which just aims to make rules for everyone.

Excerpt from Jean Baudrillard’s Wikipedia page:

Simulation, Baudrillard claims, is the current stage of the simulacrum: All is composed of references with no referents, a hyperreality. Progressing historically from the Renaissance, in which the dominant simulacrum was in the form of the counterfeit—mostly people or objects appearing to stand for a real referent (for instance, royalty, nobility, holiness, etc.) that does not exist, in other words, in the spirit of pretense, in dissimulating others that a person or a thing does not really “have it” — to the industrial revolution, in which the dominant simulacrum is the product, the series, which can be propagated on an endless production line; and finally to current times, in which the dominant simulacrum is the model, which by its nature already stands for endless reproducibility, and is itself already reproduced.

It is no use to tell the believers in the Tea Party that their message was cooked up by a focus group, the initial protesters were not protesters but paid actors, or that the single driving intent behind the whole movement was to strengthen Republican power. It did not matter that there was a solid body of evidence supporting these facts because the simulated discontent was so emotionally satisfying to participate in. This was a forged moment of catharsis preying on the emotional tilt from the Republican loss in the 2008 election, spinning a wildly effective Sorelian myth designed to catalyze the Right. Tea Parties sprang up all over America like McDonald’s franchises for people who didn’t need hamburgers but instead an outlet for Conservative rage. Participating in the Tea Party, a person knew exactly what to expect because he or she had been familiarized with it through television. Tea Party was a franchise defined not by a counterfeit moment, but by one which was a model designed specifically for reproduction, specifically to incite the Republican vote.

It is less easy to speak of what crystallized Occupy, and it is not fair to simply call it a reaction to the Tea Party. Like the Tea Party, Occupy has become a kind of reproducible franchise with local versions sprouting up globally all from the same mold. Several different groups appear to have contributed to what is “Occupy,” including Operation Empire State Rebellion, US Day of Rage, and AdBusters. Similarly, there is no single demand or set of demands, but take look at the thing itself rather than the stated intentions, and there’s clearly a unifying theme. Occupy is an unconscious response to the proliferation of simulacra in general. The oppositional dynamic at play is interesting, as that which Occupy opposes most has become its primary weapon. The Occupiers may not be aware of it, but they have refused to be anything more than theater. That is surely not to say that theater cannot be culturally meaningful but only to highlight the absolute disbelief Occupy has in representative power. The core of the Occupy myth is that democratic representation is itself a simulation. In vainglorious attempts to best the kabuki theater of American politics, Occupy has created their own mock political bodies in which participants go through all the motions of directly representing themselves in policy making. These “general assemblies,” of course, hold no such power, but it would never do to tell that to believers. The most “militant” actions of Black Bloc “activists” associated with Occupy are not truly militant, but simply increasingly dramatic. These attacks on random property hold no tactical or strategic value, nor do they conform to a single set of corporate or government targets. This property damage is fetishized as revolutionary to adherents even when no rational hope of a violent revolution exists. The commitment to fantasy of Black Bloc and the General Assembly participants is truly beyond that of the “Birthers” who simply believe a lie and do not act on it.

Baudrillard’s death spiral is in full effect. The rational response to this is not to plummet to deeper depths of disingenuous “ironic” fantasy, or to pray for a paradigm shift that will never come, but rather it is Hari Seldon. Let’s escape to Mars and leave all the idiots behind. Who’s with me?

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