Hacker Commander X loses Twitter account to Rustle League

Commander X begs for donations to build his media empire, which has been stolen by rivals in the Rustle League

INTERNET — The homeless hacktivist Commander X, who was believed on the lam in Canada from hacking charges in America, has been stripped of his last vestige of dignity as rival hackers, known . . .

McDonald’s unveils McBox technology

McDonald’s has a new machine which can flip burgers faster than John Henry can drive steel.

This weekend, McDonald’s unveiled a new device which CEO Donald Thompson promised will revolutionize the fast food industry. Taking its cue from Redbox, the vending machine for movies and video game rentals, McDonald’s developed a vending machine . . .

Julian Assange Dead at 41

Julian Assange passed from complications due to a burst bladder in the confines of the Ecuadorian Embassy.

LONDON — Fans mourn the loss of Julian Assange, who was found dead in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London after suffering a burst bladder. Assange was known for “accidentally” publishing trillions of documents containing scandalous details . . .

Bilderberger: We’re genetically engineering our children

The power to engineer super-intelligent children has arrived, but at what cost?

“The children’s life expectancy could be a thousand years, if everything works out as planned.”

It has long been well known that the world’s richest businessmen and most influential political leaders meet at the annual Bilderberg conference in an attempt to . . .

Big Government

WASHINGTON–Joe Biden bargains away civil rights to defense contractors.

This government doesn’t love you. It doesn’t want to protect you.

This government wants your vote so they can fucking hurt you. They lie to you, making vague statements like you don’t fucking know better, like you don’t fucking know . . .

Fascist Zune Conspiracy Exposed

The Zune Reset Management Tool has been wiped from Microsoft Servers because hackers used it to subvert Digital Rights Management (DRM) built into its devices. DRM is known by libertarian software activists as “defective by design” because Zune software removes tracks without alerting the user.

This Reset Tool was the last recourse for struggling people . . .

Rihanna Illuminati imagery sparks controversy

“When you open your mind you allow demons to take over.”

INTERNET — The April and Wayne Show has revealed the true meaning behind Rihanna’s hit pop song Diamonds, which draws heavily on biblical imagery and is indicating the path to Buddha-Consciousness with the lyrics like, “Shine bright like a diamond,” and . . .

America Heralds Permanent War

Obama Administration spokesman Michael Sheehan said they are “pre-emptively” calling any future administration that tries to stop the Authorization to Use Military Force (AUMF) “treasonous” for aiding whoever the enemy is by then. . . .

ELFWAX affiliate unearthed after years of abuse

The following video was extracted from an archive of federal repossessions and returned the chronicle.su office late last year.

“Years of systematically abusing oneself while praying to Charles Manson leads a person to create music and imagery like this. And in one dark night, it can all disappear. With one murder, all your work can . . .

Current events protester has no idea what he’s protesting

“Do you know what’s going on in our country?” asked 20-year-old fagatronic nimrod Dale Shelton of Roanoke, Va.

Shelton said he is fed up with the direction American politics are heading. He said the decisions being made at the top affect everyone, including children.

“They’re raping our rights,” Shelton said, “like we raped the . . .