WAL * MART — Communist elements The great Senator Joe McCarthy once purged from American Society have resurfaced at the helm of the world’s largest Capitalist institution, Wal Mart. Wal Mart now offers its employees healthcare plans, locking these people into an anti-Libertarian nightmare fueled by Ayn Rand’s Objectivism turned inside out. How could they have slipped it by us? Is the Invisible hand of the Free Market Economy broken?
The Communist elements, as is well known, solidified their power in America after McCarthy outed them. They took total control of the News and Entertainment Industries. This is the only reason Liberal presidents, or Nigerians like Obama can possibly be elected. No matter how many women they sexually harass or how many freedoms of ours they steal, these Liberal Presidents will get away with it all. And anyway, Obamacare forces people to buy healthcare on the “free” market, which is infinitely better than being locked into a Wal Mart company healthcare plan that isn’t even a plan at all. You are paid nothing and told that the drugs are a lower price because of this, at Communist Wal Mart. That’s exactly how the Soviets ripped their people off.
Did you know The Tea Party consists of 90% Wal Mart employees who are being paid by Big Tobacco companies to put on fake protests which justify something nobody actually wants? (Government Shutdown.) Communists have always paid shills to put on fake protests so they can get their way. Don’t believe what you see on Television! It’s all Liberal lies, even when it doesn’t look like it! Even Fox News and Sean Hannity!
I Believe in The United States Constitution and I Love this Land, but I am Sick of Tea Party Stealth Communists, and Weed Smoking Libertarian Whack Jobs taking control of My Republican Party and shutting down MY Capitalist Government which only wants to stimulate the Health Care Economy. Republicans made the plan up, and it was a damn good plan that would create jobs! Then the Democrats called the damned thing “Obamacare” with their false-flag Fox News shills and everyone else picked up on that term. Suspicious? Only a Communist could shut down such a rabidly Capitalist congress.
INTERNET – In 1994, critics led by Tipper Gore called for the rare Adults Only ESRB rating of a controversial videogame that encouraged gamers to hack fictional government mainframes and turn over data for points.
Gore’s fears were not misplaced. New evidence suggests Snowden grew up playing certain games against all caution, such as Dissent, for Playstation 1, and Bureau Kombat.
With technological advances vastly exceeding the predictions of Murphy’s Law, gaming has evolved. Whistleblow Auto V gives players realtime access to actual top-tier government agencies using Antisocial Club, the in-game hacker interface connecting gamers to stocks, politicians’ emails and realtime Skype conversations to destroy political enemies before they can react.
As a result of exposure to the influence of violently helpful videogames, Snowden later downloaded what he could en masse, and hand picked the journalists he wanted disseminating it. He chose Laura Poitras because of her hyper-violent access to the mainstream press.
Poitras profited heavily from the Snowden leaks he stole while working as a contractor for the CIA. And as far as Poitras goes, the US Government doesn’t know whether to prosecute her for publishing leaks, or to turn her into the poster child for American capitalism.
As long as The Truth sells, people will buy it. What would we do without access to absolute reality the mainstream press is selling? What would you do without an imagined baseline of morality? What would we do with the truth?
These are all questions Whistleblow Auto V purports to address under the guise of “entertainment.”
New fears of youth organizing have arisen of EA’s proposal to develop Sim Militia, which EA said will be released in a painful series of full-priced DLC that slowly opens new territory and an innovative hate tree similar to the tech trees of Starcraft and Civilization.
McComb, MISSIPPI — After Britney Spears seemingly failed in her latest Europop-style comeback single Work Bitch, the singer died from complications resulting from Dibetus. Spears reportedly went on a dangerous eating binge which triggered the diabetic attack. Work Bitch has since skyrocketed on the charts, earning the Britney Spears Estate 20 billion dollars overnight. Family has promised to donate the proceeds of the album to the Childhood Dibetus Foundation. Spears suffered from childhood dibetus, an illness which robbed her of insulin and at times caused her to shave all her hair off.
Make-shift shrines were erected across the country, and fans have left flowers and hand-written notes in remembrance of Spears. “I’m going to work so hard I’ll be the next Britney,” said one crying teenage fan, adding, “And all the haters just need to leave her alone! This bitch will work until they’re all dead.“
INTERNET – The Associated Press is in a buzz over a controversial new review of Soda Shaq, the popular beverage that took the sugary drink market by storm over the summer. CNN called the video “reprehensible” while FOX News ran various clips from the 17 minute video on their morning show Fox And Friends, who praised the closing five minute reading of Glenn Beck’s bestselling classic The Overton Window.
Joey’s World Tour has yet to come forward with their promised shout out, but the undeniable fame of the second installment of The Internet Chronicle drink review of Vanilla Cream Soda Shaq is widely expected by critics to produce unique and satisfying results, including the possibility of a shout-out and Type II diabetes.
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour recommends a tall can of Soda Shaq to assist in extended play throughs of the popular new murder simulator Grand Theft Auto V. “I’d even say that if you’re going to stay up all night checking in-game stocks, that you just have yourself a mini-fridge full of the shit,” Troubadour said. “It’s all natural, which, that’s just everything nowadays.”
SODA SHAQ VANILLA CREAM SODA REVIEWED
“I’m Dr. Troubadour, and I approve this website.”
Dr. Angstrom Troubadour
Dr. Troubadour is a real doctor committed to improving well-being and sense of self. Dr. Troubadour, who has your best interests in mind, does not want you to worry about the small stuff. He does not want your money. He just wants you to drink Soda Shaq and chill out, dude.
Dr. Troubadour has helped out on a lot of abortions and is usually pretty cool about it. He does not look his customers in the eye during the process, but sometimes it can’t be helped. He won’t tell your friends or family what you did, and he tries to keep it to himself.