Barrett Brown released from Prison — What has changed?

barrett brown diesel therapy tour bit train

Barrett Brown, who famously transformed into a spider and attacked Anonymous Anthropologist Biella Coleman while in the midst of a torturous Diesel Therapy, is set to be released from Federal Prison on Tuesday. Here’s a small list of the important facts he should know before tweeting plans for a legitimized, legal revolution.

  1. The largest Anonymous accounts are now in the hands of an anarcho-fascist fake political theorist, Heather Marsh. She writes crappy books and has the most inflated and bizarre wikipedia page of all time — even compared to Brown’s, which was propagandized in repeated edits by members of Brown’s Project PM. Read: Nobody really cares too much about Anonymous and it’s basically dead. Any operations done in its name can generally be filed under “fake news” and tend towards fascistic terror.
  2. Wikileaks is now a fascistic propaganda operation highlighting leaks that inspire right-wing fantasies of a Democratic party pedophile cabal (see “Pizzagate”). This parallels Heather Marsh’s Harry Potter fantasy operation #OpDeathEaters, which hilariously sought to rebrand pedophiles as pedosadists, because etymology determines the meaning of words (lol).
  3. During the election, the quasi-Mormon science fiction propheteer Christopher Nemelka donned the Guy Fawkes mask, declared himself the sole voice of Anonymous, promised to continue the neoliberal economic policies of the United States, and garnered millions of views in a viral youtube video that was nearly an hour long. Hit him up if you’re looking for a hit of Advanced Horse.
  4. The Anonymous-affiliated ‘Team Poison’ hacker Junaid Hussain, known as Tr1ck, was killed in a drone strike after joining ISIS.
  5. Sabu, the FBI snitch who Brown defended, has returned to twitter and can be trolled at @hxmonsegur.
  6. Andrew Aurenhemier, also known as Weev, is not just trolling and is an “actual” nazi. He peed his bed when it was reported that he is now a terrorist and consultant for ISIS. The so-called alt-right is a “race realist” white-nationalists-in-denial movement that throws out exuberant sieg heils at meet-ups “just for the lulz.”
  7. Andrew Breitbart’s ghost now haunts the white house, depriving Michelle Obama of sleep.
  8. Alex Jones’ right wing fantasia is a real, actual place where @realDonaldTrump is president of the entire world and that’s a good thing. The long expected revolution has finally happened, and now future terror attacks will actually not be false flags.

Trump to star in ‘The President’ a new Reality TV show on Fox

“Ye fyad”

TRUMP TOWER — Donald Trump announced he has assembled a press pool, in a move that shocked reporters. Traditional print and television journalists will not be given any access to Trump. Rather, he’s assigned several teams of reality television filmmakers to document his presidency.

Trump said, “I want to communicate with the American people. I want them to see the tough decisions I have to make and why I make them. That show will be The President on Fox, and it’ll start on the day I’m inaugurated. And on the very first day, you’re going to see. I’m going to be firing a lot of people. More than ever. It’ll be great tv and it’ll be a great America — just tune in and see it. I’m gonna Drain the Swamp.”

Other filmmakers will document his personal and family life. “Melania’s talking to Food Network. She’s a great cook. Wonderful. Another show, First Family, will air on NBC, and you’ll see the other side of me. I am a warm and caring father, and Melania’s just perfect. We’re good people. You’ll forget about all the lies of crooked Hillary. You’ll see.”

Come on down to Hole-Suckers on Southside and get your hole sucked

Tonight only, come get your hole sucked at Southside Hole-Suckers on Williamson Rd right next door to the Civic Center Arena!

hole-suckers

Hole-Suckers on Southside is now fun for the whole family. Get your hole sucked on Southside while the women watch. Hole Suckers on Southside is where Timmy becomes a man! Southside Hole Suckers – Get your whole hole sucked by the mouthside, on the Southside!

“I took my church group to Southside Hole Suckers and we had a lovely time. The staff were very friendly and treated us all (even the you-know-whos) like family.”

“I visited Hole Suckers on Southside for my buddy’s wake. It was depressing, because of the way he died, but that was through no fault of the good people at Southside Hole-Suckers.”

“I took my prom date to Southside Hole-Suckers – because we’re kind of the weird kids at school – and even though we are both virgins, my girlfriend is now pregnant. Thanks, Southside Hole-Suckers!”

Americans ripped from fantasy world ‘like babies from a womb’:

Donald Trump: Grabbing Pussies

ROANOKE, Va. — FBI agents claim two stoned American white men were “ripped like babies from a womb” following Tuesday’s election results.

Investigators who have been working on the case since Wednesday said the men appeared paranoid and terrified, as if they had seen some horrible aspect.

troubadour-delivers-baby

“It was like they were just seeing the world for the first time,” the agent said. He called it “the 9/11 of their time” – a point of reference in their timeline of social consciousness beyond which no innocence can be returned.

One of the guys was passed out in police custody, because he’s a pot-smoking CRIMINAL, but the other one was cool because he didn’t have weed on him, so he told Internet Chronicle how his world view changed:

I thought we’d come farther than this, man. I actually really thought we had come so far, we could get a career criminal elected into office over Archie Bunker. Turns out, I was wrong about a lot of things. Next time, I’m voting with my heart: I’m going Gary Johnson. Now he has a plan!

“They’ll never forget how they remembered America’s paranoid, racist history extending as far back as the 1970s, when white nerds killed disco, for which we have already apologized profusely.” federal agent Smith said. “Nor will they forget how flimsy a candidate can be, who deletes subpoenaed emails on command for her corporate power-lords.”

Internet Chronicle linguistics analyst and hate philosopher Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour believes in front loading attribution, and that blatant misuse of language itself led to the seemingly eternal crisis of political misunderstanding between the so-called Left and so-called Right.

“The words ‘liberal’ and ‘conservative’ don’t even have denotations anymore. They mean what people want them to mean,” Troubadour said. “These words are to be avoided at all cost.”

makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money’s for the words.

[Editor’s note: Remember Trump’s CRAZY response when the 60 Minutes lady asked him how many more tax dollars would be spent drone striking weddings?]

Donald Trump promises to pardon Snowden, Assange, and Manning

Donald Trump pardons American Heroes
Donald Trump pardons American Heroes

THE SWAMP — Sunday evening at a Republican fundraising dinner in Washington DC, Donald Trump promised to pardon Edward Snowden, Julian Assange, and Chelsea Manning.

Speaking to the group of neoconservative elites, Trump said, “These are people who have done good things, heroic things for America. Heroes. Meanwhile the Mexicans are rewarded with citizenship for having babies on our land, illegally. I think we need to change things around a bit, deny citizenship to all Mexicans forever. But first thing’s first, we’re going to build the wall.”

Trump even suggested he is considering appointing Snowden and Assange to positions in his cabinet, saying, “These are smart, smart people. Just look at what they’ve done for us already. Why are we going after them, rather than asking for their help? Think about it. If we spent as much time going after ISIS as we spend on them — well there wouldn’t have ever been an ISIS. I might hire them.

“Hillary’s emails were a disaster. Total. Disaster. That’s why I’m going to get Snowden be my Cyber General. I’m going to go to war on hackers and secure our computers. Don’t get me wrong, I love computers. But ISIS uses computers a lot, and we must be vigilant.”

“Assange, he knows so much. So so much. If anyone can help me to drain the swamp, it’s Assange. I think he’d make a great secretary of state.”