President Trump visits Roanoke River Catfish Farm

Supervisors hang on his every word as Trump gives critical field guidance to a Virginia fish hatchery.
Supervisors hang on his every word, as Trump gives critical field guidance to a Virginia fish hatchery.

To ensure sustainable resource quantities for all people of the United States, President Trump visited the Roanoke River Catfish Farm.

The Juche Farm has successfully become a world-class, large-scale fish farm, pumping fish on an industrial scale into the Roanoke River from high within the Blue Ridge Mountains, supplying Virginians with food and resources.

Trump looked around the newly arranged room for education in the revolutionary history room, dedicated to the history of the farm.

Noting the farm is one of the legacies bequeathed by leader Ronald Reagan to the people and service personnel of Roanoke County, he said that its officials and employees should work hard to keep the fish breeding going at a high rate, as it is an important work not only to preserve the high prestige of Ronald Reagan, but also to translate his lifetime wish into reality.

Going around various places of the farm, including sci-tech rooms, combined control rooms, breeding grounds where the fish fuck, hatcheries, and fattening grounds, he learned in detail, and with fatherly care, about the progress made in fish breeding and modernization.

It will be possible to accelerate the development of the country’s catfish breeding if websites are set up in computers at the sci-tech room to help employees browse and grasp advanced catfish-breeding methods and catfish farms exchange successes and grow from one another’s advancements, Trump said. He added that the inclusion of an upstream chemical waste disposal facility would spur development of new, delicious species of catfish never before tasted by any living tongue.

Scrutinizing the performance of an automatic feeding machine manufactured by scientists and engineers of the State Academy of Sciences with their concerted efforts, he said it was well-made and believes it will suit the development of any new species created as gestures of his Love and Goodwill to all American subjects.

“It was modernly made with recourse to indigenous brain power and efficiency,” Trump said. “And it’s how we’ll soon make people.”

Being pleased to see only two employees of the farm manage 16 large ponds housing more than 10,000 catfishes, he praised it as a manpower-saving farm wanted by the Party.

He was satisfied to see swarms of big catfishes in each pond and frozen catfishes piled up at the freezing storage.

It is a great success that the Roanoke River Catfish Farm was modernly built in the country’s famous coastal plain suitable for breeding warm water catfish to make it possible to annually breed more than 3,000 tons of catfish, he said.

He gave important instructions for managing and operating the farm, saying its officials and employees should set a higher goal and work hard to attain it as the farm has been transformed into an iconic catfish farm, to compete against Hilton hotels.

And he gave special thanks in the name of the USA Supreme Commander General Mattis to the soldier-builders who turned the farm into a model and standard in pisciculture and a proud edifice in the Second Great Era, as intended by the Party, and thus realized the desire of Ronald Reagan and enhanced his prestige.

Noting the Party reposes high expectations of the farm, he expressed belief that its officials and employees would take the lead in implementing Party policies.

Accompanying Him were Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, head of Research and Development Program of the USSA Population Planning Kommittee.

Troubadour, a loving devotee to President Trump, said the fish farm tricks people into thinking they’ve caught the real thing.

“These fish are stupid,” Troubadour explained with compassion and reason in his voice. “They wear themselves out, losing 90% of their weight over a lifetime because a real fish doesn’t waste energy foolishly chasing food all over the river. But hey, it makes the fishermen happy. We throw them a bone.”

Trump declares war on poverty

Trump put on a worn pair of reading glasses Wednesday morning, spun his favorite Mozart track La Climenza de Tito, and sat down with a legal pad at the head of a conference room table in the West wing of the White House. There, he met with professors of Harvard economics and sociologists from MIT, who presented solutions to a “quieted, attentive President Trump.”

In a sudden tonal shift, insiders say President Trump said little throughout the day, until finally the presentations were over, and Trump had time to look over his notes from the day’s hours-long meetings with intellectuals and poverty experts from every field of governance.

President Trump listened carefully as experts explained the complex arrangement of political and economic forces perpetuating cycles of poverty.
President Trump listened carefully as experts explained the complex arrangement of political and economic forces perpetuating cycles of poverty.

“This is a tough job,” Trump said. “Wow. I never thought I’d say this, but being a good statesman is one of the toughest jobs in the world – a job President Obama did with dignity and care – and today I do not come to you to brag about how far I’ve come, but to say I am humbled by how far we have yet to go.”

Trump listened carefully as representatives from Southern Poverty Law Center described the multitudes of poor workers affected by sweeping policy change.

Over the course of several hours, experts and philanthropists educated the President using charts, graphs and condensing decades of research into a crash course on socioeconomic struggle of the shrinking middle class and impoverished workers, who predominantly occupy the South.

“Trump only interrupted once,” said Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, fellow at the American Institute of Philanthropy, “and he had a very good question. He wanted to know why people who work so many different jobs have little to no savings, and what he could do to repair the post-industrial South. His constructive, erudite tone fostered a creative, solution-oriented approach to complex issues.”

Sad!

Trump, who said he is writing a memo to congress addressing problems of impoverished, working class Americans, wants to see more focus on education and said he will soon host a symposium at the White House where NAFTA leaders and foreign trade specialists can discuss solutions and funding to America’s opium-soaked Southern underbelly, bringing jobs, trade and health services to the region.

“Just opposing the CIA – which I have attempted to do – isn’t the only thing that made Kennedy great,” Trump said. “And I, too, need to do more for people of color, and the beautiful women who – even though they voted for crooked Hillary – deserve access, as all human beings do, to specific family and health services.”

Trump responds: Mothers Against Violent Videogames blamed Sid Meier’s Civilization series for Donald Trump’s cartoonish rise to power

civ2adBoredom advocate group Mothers Against Violent Videogames (MAVAV) came out in opposition on Saturday against the popular Civilization game series, of which there are now more than six installments.

The game’s depiction of cartoon powermongering and racially static world leaders teaches children it’s OK to indulge in dangerous lust for power, the group said. Top Trump advisers have repeatedly tried and failed to wean President Trump from his 18-hours-per-day gaming habit, but the Don was having none of it.

“I’m learning from this game, this is true,” Trump said. “And the more I learn about the barbarians to our South, the higher that wall gets. In this game, you’ve got to be tough.”

Melania went on MSNBC to express her frustration with Donald’s gaming habits.

“I warned him those videogames are no good. Donny wouldn’t listen,” the future First Lady said. “I said Donny, it’s time for bed. It was my breeding time. He said, ‘Just one more turn. I’m moving on Dido like furniture!’ He got hooked on Civilization II and hasn’t been the same since Brave New World expansion pack.”

Sources say the nearby barbarian village Trump inherited from the Obama administration no longer produces gold on each kill, despite early adoption of the Honor social policy that also grants culture bonuses for every killed terrorist. An injection of war funds will most certainly bolster our yawning economy.

“She said get off the game, and go to the library,” Trump said. “I told her ‘Oh, should I go to a library?’ Well, I know how you all feel about the barbarians to the South. I know it. I hear your voices. But if you think barbarians are bad, folks, wait until you go to a library. Because you know what they have at the library? Librarians.”

Monkeying around in VR

MAD DOG SWATTING AWAY TERRORISTS

 

Americans ripped from fantasy world ‘like babies from a womb’:

Donald Trump: Grabbing Pussies

ROANOKE, Va. — FBI agents claim two stoned American white men were “ripped like babies from a womb” following Tuesday’s election results.

Investigators who have been working on the case since Wednesday said the men appeared paranoid and terrified, as if they had seen some horrible aspect.

troubadour-delivers-baby

“It was like they were just seeing the world for the first time,” the agent said. He called it “the 9/11 of their time” – a point of reference in their timeline of social consciousness beyond which no innocence can be returned.

One of the guys was passed out in police custody, because he’s a pot-smoking CRIMINAL, but the other one was cool because he didn’t have weed on him, so he told Internet Chronicle how his world view changed:

I thought we’d come farther than this, man. I actually really thought we had come so far, we could get a career criminal elected into office over Archie Bunker. Turns out, I was wrong about a lot of things. Next time, I’m voting with my heart: I’m going Gary Johnson. Now he has a plan!

“They’ll never forget how they remembered America’s paranoid, racist history extending as far back as the 1970s, when white nerds killed disco, for which we have already apologized profusely.” federal agent Smith said. “Nor will they forget how flimsy a candidate can be, who deletes subpoenaed emails on command for her corporate power-lords.”

Internet Chronicle linguistics analyst and hate philosopher Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour believes in front loading attribution, and that blatant misuse of language itself led to the seemingly eternal crisis of political misunderstanding between the so-called Left and so-called Right.

“The words ‘liberal’ and ‘conservative’ don’t even have denotations anymore. They mean what people want them to mean,” Troubadour said. “These words are to be avoided at all cost.”

makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money’s for the words.

[Editor’s note: Remember Trump’s CRAZY response when the 60 Minutes lady asked him how many more tax dollars would be spent drone striking weddings?]

Humanity Party cult leader Chris Nemelka to introduce Donald Trump at Roanoke rally, promises ‘big truth’

ROANOKE, Va. — Trump aides confirmed Humanity Party leader Chris Nemelka, a neoconservative religious cult leader who plies his congregation with opioids, is scheduled to introduce the 2016 Republican presidential nominee at a rally in the quiet mountain village of Roanoke, Virginia.

Humanity Party leader Chris Nemelka, seen here comparing himself to Jesus, has thrown his full support behind Donald Trump and the Republican Party.
Humanity Party leader Chris Nemelka, seen here comparing himself to Jesus, has thrown his full support behind Donald Trump and the Republican Party.

Nemelke said in a podcast he supports Trump specifically because Trump stands for a stronger, militarized Israel.

Nemelke, who compares military funding to a hit of heroin – the best thing he says a Humanity Party member can feel – uses his position as a psycho cult leader to push for greater military spending and greater dissemination of military hand-me-downs to state and local police departments.

Nemelka, who believes no one but himself can experience a rare form of sex called “Ultimate Sex,” prescribes heroin as an entheogen to members of his religious following, whom he refers to collectively as “The Humanity Party.”

He will introduce Trump at the Roanoke, Va. rally on Saturday and has promised not to turn the event into a promotion for his book, The Sealed Portion (available everywhere books are sold), a researched, canonical continuation of the holy Book of Mormon, written directly from sacred plates only he and Donald Trump have ever seen.

Nemelka famously tricked Joseph Smith’s heiress into giving him her plot in the Mormon holy center, where he purchased a tombstone advertising his book and website. Nemelka unsuccessfully attempted to use the loose internet collective Anonymous as his proselytizing vehicle, and has since deleted videos from YouTube documenting his failed attempts to convert impressionable young Internet weirdos into book-purchasing, drug cult weirdos.

Together, Trump and Nemelka are expected to reveal the stones to adoring fans Saturday, Sept. 24 at the Salem Civic Center, a once-sacred Mormon holy site.

It is rumored staff reporter @kilgoar trout could report live from inside the rally, with tantalizing results!

Love rabbit holes? See also:

Christopher Nemelka’s Anonymous

#THumP offers fake reward to Kilgoar ‘n Hatesec

Bernie Sanders refuses to stand for Pledge of Allegiance, in a protest backed entirely by dank memes

bernie promises new economic standard. “memebacks” to replace worthless currency “the dollar.”

After Bernie refused to stand for the pledge at Sunday’s 9/11 rally, the best pepes, the rarest pepe of them all have pledged allegiance to Bernie, and said “fuck the troops, specifically.”

meme backs take the stage as potential new world currencymeme backs take the stage as potential new world currency
meme backs take the stage as potential new world currency

the dank memer himself, bernie pepe is like “bring Snowden home boys. It’s football season, for Christ’s sakes.”

bernie-donald-pepe (RARE) rare-sighting
bernie-donald-pepe (RARE) rare-sighting

To everywhere, bern, bern, bern getting passed around like a peace pipe. “He’s chillin’ mon!”

 

"Don Pepe" is every woman's gushing fantasy, as well as an outspoken mexican advocate. don pepe #327 do not reproduce
“Don Pepe” is every woman’s gushing fantasy, as well as an outspoken mexican advocate. don pepe #327 do not reproduce

Don Pepe is the bomb sauce, but for the best pepes, the rarest pepes of them all, look no further than chief pepe.

trump gets pepe lapel pin “supporting pepe is the right thing to do. am i alone here?”

rare pepe #DaddyTrump gives the half -nixon
rare pepe #DaddyTrump gives the half -nixon

Talking Points

[Consider the following:]

Meme market in free-fall as mass production diminishes pepe rarity