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Uncontrollable Patriotism

Trump Tells Nation: “Forget 9/11!”

Trump mandate “forgets 9/11”

Trump signed his landmark “Forget 9/11” mandate during a mid-May trip to Saudi Arabia.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—While en route to Saudi Arabia on Monday, President Trump issued an executive order denying radar access to air traffic controllers across the nation, endangering the lives of tens of thousands of airline passengers.
During his speech President Trump did an impression of Falling Man, a Patriot Saint of what was once a national holiday, now forgotten.

President Trump addressed fans via exclusive, subscriber-only Starlink stream on Truth Social, “9/11 was a terrible, terrible time for New York, for America. But we can’t keep up with all this radar, it’s too much radar of the wrong kind frankly and we don’t need anymore radar. We might have to think about punishment for these people who can’t forget about 9/11.”

Friday morning, air traffic controllers directing planes into the Newark, New Jersey, airport briefly had their radar jammed by military jets. The administration says this marks the second time in two weeks an air traffic controller got mixed up and brought their gaydar to work, highlighting the important and sophisticated methods being used to sniff out and remove the different ones.
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt was filled with hate, telling concerned reporters that remembering 9/11 was “DEI bullshit that interferes directly with God’s Plan. It‘s time for America to let go.”
The FAA said the radar at the facility in Philadelphia that directs planes in and out of Newark airport “went black for 90 seconds,” a fact the Trump administration cites as a pivotal structure in their oddly specific argument against inclusion in who gets to decide where planes go. Leavitt said, “Philadelphia is where Tom Hanks died slowly of AIDS, in the movie Philadelphia.”
Trump called the performance “really something else.”
“They engendered many lives today in Newark, in Philadelphia,” Trump said. “I don’t want to say what kind of lives they were, maybe they were good lives. Maybe they mattered.”
“We’re going to save millions of dollars not running the air traffic control lights and radars full time, and now, with Trum’s new order,” Leavitt said, “We can finally forget.”
“Forget about it.”
The order also includes earmarked funds charging local police with increasing national happiness metrics, which officially goes into effect June 19.
Analysts and experts are struggling with a new, more profound question: What other laws can Trump undermine? Natural law? Is it possible that Trump laws could threaten the fabric of math, science, or even reality itself, by denying funding to Universities?
Jason Mayhew, a 21-year-old graduate of the Richmond University School of Political Science, said he and his team are researching a new method of law that would – through sheer tyranny of state – enforce the legal numerical value of 1 to -1.
“If our proposal goes through,” Mayhew said, “You’d see a complete reversal of the historical record. Time would move backwards, and we would watch world history refold and funnel itself all the way back into a concentrated point of matter preceding what the woke liberal media refers to as a Big Bang. With all the work we’ve been doing, my team is excited for the very real possibility of the total annihilation of existence itself.”

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News

KingCobraJFS’ fling ends in terroristic threats, shutdown of r/kingcobraJFS subreddit

 
In a rare wholesome moment, Jessica Boyle reveals a hickey under Josh Saunders’ stylish dog collar.

INTERNET — Jessica Boyle, 39 of Virginia Beach, Virginia, claims that the FBI are investigating a terroristic threat at Casper/Natrona International from her bathtub, live on YouTube. Hate comments flood the chat and are swatted down. Each day the moderators ban hundreds and even thousands of despicable hate-filled messages. 

Jessica growls and barks at her phone through all hours of the day and night, trying to overpower the collective hate of thousands. She’s not alone. This aggressive live streamer has found love in fellow YouTube celebrity, Josh Fay Saunders, aka King Cobra JFS. 
Jessica is in her bathtub almost all hours of the day, moaning about her own ugliness and fantasizing about the women Josh will have after he discards her. Outbursts like these are just what the so-called “troles” draw pleasure from, driving them towards ever more extreme and risky methods of harassment, in what they call “milking” these so-called “lolcows.”
Fans chipped in and bought Jessica a ticket to Casper, priming Josh for what would become a powder keg of abuse, both from their frenzied community as well from Jessica, herself a deadly dangerous threat. However, long before she’d even set foot in the airport, troles appear to have hatched a terrorist plot to shut down Casper / Natrona International Airport, possibly rerouting her inbound plane and leading to a lengthy series of layovers and mysterious delays.
And then on the day Jessica was due to fly in, it happened. All flights in and out of Casper / Natrona International were cancelled.
Oil City News reports on a mysterious white substance
But that was only the beginning of the abuse and harassment. While Jessica visited Josh in Casper, prank calls from fans brought local police to his apartment many times each day, even in spite of the best efforts to mute and hide their streams.
Subsequent police visits and investigations have created immense stress in Jessica’s relationship with Josh. When Josh is live streaming with other people, she ties his phone up with incessant calls, commanding him to stop discussing her bad behavior. In a previous visit, Josh received a sexual content strike against his YouTube account due to Jessica’s lewd sex acts while live.
In an apparent response to FBI investigation, the r/kingcobrajfs subreddit was shuttered, and any replacement King Cobra subreddits are immediately squashed. Meanwhile, the more sinister r/the_boglim subreddit has locked down, forwarding all visitors to KiwiFarms. Reddit representatives refused to comment on their cooperation in the ongoing FBI investigation mentioned by Ms Boyle.
On the day that Jessica’s flight out of Casper was scheduled, the top post on r/kingcobrajfs begged for someone in the community to “cancel the ticket.“ Again, her flight was delayed, leading to an extreme meltdown in which Jessica fantasized about buying an “$8 machete” to take out her #1 hater, rival YouTuber Jessica Messica. Few details on any possible reasons behind this second flight delay have been revealed. Jessica only called it a “fraud,” which was escalated to the “highest levels” of her airliner’s customer service.
Because these incidents are still under federal investigation – now extending to Josh and Jessica, or King and Queen Cobra – reddit will not allow discussion of King Cobra JFS, and his landlord won’t have him, but rumors from the boglim mines suggest Josh has acquired a majestic double-wide mobile home in the country.
A so-called “Spitter Spy,” member of the counter-trolling Spitter Spies fan group warned troles, “You don’t mess with black magic practitioners, are you stupid? I know Cobes got out his crystal staff to harness the gravity of the sun, as magnified by the moon, and wham. That eclipse power surged and his black magic took down the subreddit full of haters. Long live Ozzy, [expletive] the troles!”

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News Obituaries

“Liver King” Brian Johnson dead at 43

Johnson was found dead of cardiac failure in his Denver apartment Sunday evening.
DENVER — Fans mourn the loss of Brian Johnson, the social media fitness superstar better known as The Liver King. Johnson was found dead of cardiac failure in his Denver apartment Sunday evening. Best known for promoting a raw animal organ diet, Johnson secretly consumed thousands of dollars of testosterone and steroids each day.
He was 43.
Johnson’s assets have been seized by Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals.

An Experiment Gone Haywire

 

CEO Raleigh Theodore Sakers told reporters, “How we still lost money on this deal is a testament to the safety of our synthetic super steroids and testosterone. No creature has ever had such high levels of power in all of history.”
The power level was so high, Sakers said, that experts believed they were previously impossible, “From what our analysts could tell, the AI-derived shock patterns in our latest electrostimulation rigs were the only thing keeping him alive, at the end.”
Paramedic Hugh Cygnus was first to arrive at the apartment, “We found him layin’ there still wired up and twitchin,’ but he had no pulse. When I zapped him to kickstart his heart, I saw every fiber of muscle in his body resist, and a flash of light shot out of the tips of his toxic hair. That’s when his heart blew up, and his eyes turned red. I figured he’d went Super Saiyan but in the end he was dead.”
First responders said when they arrived, it was unclear what caused the sudden cardiac explosion. That is, until a second paramedic arriving on the scene discovered Johnson was still connected to live electricity, running from a standard wall outlet, directly into electrodes stuck all over the cadaver’s thin, papery skin. 
The former Liver King was described by Officer Jake Furley as a “grim, blood red human lightbulb, still twitching and clutching his phone. Arcs of electricity were coming off of him, discharging into the carpet along lichtenberg figures.” Furley added, “To be honest, I drew my sidearm because I felt he might suddenly stand up and tear down the whole damn building with his teeth.”
The surviving paramedic was in such a state of shock and disbelief at what he had seen, that he did not realize an electrical current passed through Johnson’s body and into his own, completing a powerful circuit that instantly dysregulated his breathing.
Startled, Officer Furley emptied his pistol into the already-dead Liver King, which he said he regrets, “I didn’t mean to desecrate his body but under the circumstances, I hope the Liver family can understand it was an honest mistake. But you should’ve seen it. My God. After a few minutes the muscles in his entire body flexed all at once, finally caving in his bones. Blood flying everywhere. But what a relief. All those wires going into him, the fucked up artificial intelligence twisting all his muscles around like that? It was a total bad trip, man. Kinda ruined my life to see it all.”
Cygnus said he applied an equally unconventional method to bring his electrocuted colleague’s breathing back into check.
“He nearly damn died,” Cygnus said. “But I gave him an emergency puff of colloidal silver, off the mobile colloidal silver generator and lung delivery system installed in every Preferred Ambulance Service unit.”
Not only is this a pioneering approach to silver ingestion, but it is also the fastest method of delivering the silver content directly into the lungs when targeting the respiratory environment.
Cygnus said when his colleague came to, he was again stricken by Johnson’s unusual appearance, who looked, in life, much older than 43.
“He said, ‘Why’s he red! Why’s he all red!’ I said, ‘Son, he was already that color, when he was alive.’ Boy said, ‘But he looks all burnt up. Hugh, I cooked him.’ He said, ‘I seared him like a steak.’ I said, ‘Son, that man burned bright when he was alive, so that all may see.’ Now look at me, and gaze no more upon him.”

Thin Blue Line — Cutting out the FAT

 

Lt. Barry Dingle said he was “very familiar“ with ancestral living, and the technique of self-administered muscular electrostimulation, because other Houston Police Department officers have since adopted the practice after witnessing Johnson’s success story on YouTube.
“My guys used to be soft, fat, ineffectual slobs who got winded just from gooning their micro,” Dingle said. “Under Johnson’s careful instruction — rest his soul — my boys set down their chicken tenders and Cokes, and picked up a diet of raw animal parts, testosterone replacement injections, and spray-on steroids. Gear. Mr. Cygnus will attest that since this so-called fad diet took off, the results in his emergency room speak for themselves: Due in part to roid-rage, and other parts raw muscle gains, police and deputy wives are now being hospitalized at a rate Houston has not seen since the Oilers competed for the championship in the American Football Leagues of 1960 to ’61.”
Although Johnson leaves behind a legacy of fitness awareness, he also leaves a mountain of debt which must be repaid by his surviving family, despite corporate sponsors seizing all contractual assets, including his home, gym, and workout equipment. Analysts say these assertions could play out in the courts for decades to come.
For now, the Savage Liver Boys – Rad, and Stryker – have lost a father, Barbara has lost her husband, and an entire Kingdom has lost its liver.