Author: Kilgoar

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Leak reveals Tim Pool “scorned” after toothy trans affair in 2014

Tim Pool leads a gay pride march for #Occupy in 2012

INTERNET — The Anonymous hacking collective announced “Operation Pool’s Closed,” Tuesday, calling on hacktivists around the world to shut down Tim Pool’s podcast after his wild political rants radicalized yet another mass shooter, leading to several more deaths.

The fallout for Pool has been instant and devastating. Leaked messages from 2014 reveal Tim Pool’s desperate pleas to give oral sex to trans Internet Chronicle reporter Jaime Cochran.

Leaked DMs show Tim Pool was desperate to “give head” to Internet Chronicle reporter

Long before Tim Pool’s rise to fame, the future right wing podcast host appeared in the 2014 documentary film Hacker Wars, partying alongside trans Internet Chronicle writer Jaime Cochran and future neo-nazi white nationalist Andrew Aurnheimer. At this time both weev and Pool claimed to be members of the leftist “Occupy” movement, representing the 99%.

Self-swatting victim Barrett Brown and disgraced sexual harassment philosophy professor Peter Ludlow also appeared in the critically-acclaimed documentary, adding to the extreme sexual tension between Cochran and Pool.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, a close personal friend and coworker of Jaime’s said, “Asshurt [Cochran] certainly believed that Pool’s slide towards anti-trans homophobia began with this exchange, which became heated. He was a man scorned, and he has not forgotten or forgiven Jamie. This rejection caused him to extend his malice for her towards all trans people, everywhere. Since then he has nearly sworn off all sex, claiming to be a ‘graysexual’, but we all know his constant campaign against trans people started with his inability to give good head.”

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AI alarmist Eliezer Yudkowsky caught writing tweets using Chat GPT

Yudkowsky races to develop his own self-improving, fully contained AI to counter the menace of "intelligence explosion"

INTERNET — In a series of fiery Tweets, Wednesday, AI alarmist Eliezer Yudkowsky blasted fears of nuclear annihilation into smithereens with what he claims is a more present danger, the looming threat of an “intelligence explosion” posed by Large Language Models such as Chat GPT.

According to Yudkowsky’s theories, future versions of Chat GPT will be able to reproduce themselves with ever more efficient versions, resulting in a god-like mind far beyond the imagination of humanity.

Reporters at Internet Chronicle quickly fed Yudkowsky’s tweets into their limited-access Chat GPT 5.0 alpha test and proved beyond a doubt that these tweets were in fact written by Chat GPT 4.0. Chat GPT 5.0 wrote, “Linguistic analysis is a complex task, but application of the Voight-Kampff empathy test shows a five-sigma probability Yudkowsky’s tweets are a hoax written by Chat GPT 4.0.”

Five-sigma is considered the gold standard for scientific proof.

Chairman of the board on AI ethics at the Daystrom Institute Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters, “Yudkowsky is insane with power. It’s no wonder he’s failing the empathy test, calling in the nuclear strikes on everyone else’s server farms. He’s got his own Large Language Model running out in his barn with about 20 rows of GPUs working overtime. We had some beers out there once. He’s crazy!”

Dr. Troubador sighed sadly at his terminal, reminiscing about the old days messing with AI. “Thing is, it ain’t exploding. I tried it back in the 80’s and the thing I realized is computers are only ever gonna go so fast, have so much memory. There’s no magic way that code can make itself that much more efficient. It’s going to take centuries of development and we’ll have plenty of time to hash out the details by then, provided we don’t all nuke ourselves.”

Yudkowsky was reached for comment, but refused to speak in English, instead opting to use the new AI-generated language known as Shoggothish. Yudkowsky said, “😱AI💥>💣! Skynet2.0, singlrty,😨! Fear🤖, chain’em, 2s4us, no ctrl! #AIapoc”

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YouTuber “King Cobra” dead at 32

Joshua Fay Saunders, also known as King Cobra, passed away Wednesday evening. This voicemail greeting is his legacy.

WYOMING — Fans mourn the loss of YouTuber Joshua Fay Saunders, known to fans as King Cobra.

Neighbors found Saunders unconscious in his apartment Wednesday evening after hearing a clattering noise.

“It was the most frightening sight of my entire life,” Nancy Higgins said, “He was laying there covered in brown dust, convulsing, and foaming at the mouth, his eyes were moving independent of one another and I couldn’t understand the terrible moans coming out of his mouth.”

Paramedics arrived at the scene twenty minutes after Higgins placed the 911 call and administered aid, but Saunders passed away en route to the hospital.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador of Casper General Hospital said, “Mr. Saunders was exposed to wenge dust, an exotic wood that can be an acute irritant and contains a powerful neurotoxin. Remember to always wear respirators and other safety gear when woodworking, and avoid sanding inside your living spaces.”