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Barrett Brown’s ex-girlfriend: Honeypot?

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Did Barrett Brown’s sexpot ex-girlfriend spy on him for defense contractors? Barrett Brown’s most dedicated groupies say “Yes!”

INTERNET — Former Barrett Brown groupies have turned on Brown’s sexpot ex-girlfriend, accusing her of collaborating in a plot by defense contractors to spy on Brown. @elviraxmontana, as Brown’s ex-girlfriend is known on Twitter, faced criticism from other groupies in the past for communicating with Adrian Lamo, the hacker blamed for turning in Bradley Manning, the disgruntled soldier who leaked infamous ‘Cablegate’ and ‘Collateral Murder’ data to WikiLeaks.

Instead of consenting to sexist pressure to identify herself with Brown and distance herself from Lamo, @elviraxmontana mocked groupies by “marrying” Lamo and blogging about the ensuing drama. An integral part of the plot to monitor, entrap, and possibly control Brown, according to groupie theorists, was the use of weaponized social media, or “persona management,” a sophisticated sock-puppet system likely controlled by @elviraxmontana, which was coincidentally the focus of Brown’s #OpMetalGear investigations.

Kinda Busy: Assange’s Awakening, @elviraxmontana’s Tumblr page, features sexy fan-fiction detailing homosexual fantasy trysts between Adrian Lamo and the ever-suspicious Julian Assange. Groupie theorists, or “Groupies,” as they prefer to be called, believe that this is a direct allegory for Brown and @elviraxmontana’s relationship, dismissing pro-Manning content on the blog as sarcastic humor.

@elviraxmontana has faced similar allegations since  Brown’s arrest was broadcast live on Tinychat. Groupies claimed her calm response to the arrest, as well as her quick decision to end the broadcast, were both proof of her cooperation with law enforcement. She has since made statements critical of Brown’s decision to publicly threaten the children of an FBI agent. Rumors were spread by groupies that Brown and her broke up early this year, as Brown caught wind of her association with Adrian Lamo. Other Groupie theories put @elviraxmontana at the center of a plot to dose Brown with MKUltra drugs designed to drive him into the paranoid frenzy culminating in the threats toward children.

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Alex Jones: Dorner “Waco’ed,” More Historic than 9/11

Police have still not located the incinerated body.
Police have still not located the incinerated body.

BIG BEAR, CALIF. — Tuesday Michael Dorner, heavily armed with a .50 caliber anti-vehicle rifle, assault weapons, and a tactical respiration device, shot a police commander down. The cold-blooded killer’s scuba gear rendered tear gas useless for assault, just as David Koresh had strapped gas masks to the faces of his innocent children. The only remaining safe option for police was to burn the building down, yet again, with the use of a camouflaged flamethrower Humvee borrowed from the military. Helicopter cameras spotted this unit arriving at the checkpoint an hour before they were ordered out of the airspace, in an attempt to hide the fact that the building was purposefully burned. Some sources claimed they saw Dorner attempt to surrender, only to be forced back inside the burning building by members of a SWAT team.

Radio host Alex Jones played up the implications of this event, saying:

Dorner was just a freedom-loving Patriot like me and you. This is what happens in a police state, people. Things are gonna get real bad real fast. Be afraid! This is the beginning of something big, something historic. People will look back at Dorner and say, “that was bigger than Waco,” because everyone was watching, this time, and the truth is obvious! This is a more historic event than 9/11. We saw the police brutalizing people just trying to tell the truth at Occupy Wall Street. We saw them beating up innocent people. You try to tell the truth, and they’ll burn you out. The evil forces are closing in, and this is the darkest hour. I AM DORNER. I AM ELIAN GONZALEZ. I AM DAVID KORESH! I am AMANDA TODD!

Anonforecast, one of many leaders of Anonymous, gleefully celebrated Dorner’s killings and hinted Dorner was An Anonymous member cooperating with a cell of Anonymous agents known as #OpLastResort, a subgroup of Anonymous with the stated mission of “undermining the very concept of authority.”

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Pope “retires” as Cardinals struggle to hide heresy

The Pope's secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?
Are the Cardinals hiding a secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?

VATICAN — Pope Benedict XVI has been forced to resign for “health reasons” as rumors of a secret heresy trickle into the media. No Pope has resigned in 500 years, despite countless infirmities, leaving skeptics wondering what has actually happened.

Late last year Pope Benedict signed up for Twitter under the handle @Pontifex in order to preach Catholicism to users of social media. It seems, according to early reports, that the Pope became “massively addicted” to Twitter, obsessively tracking numerous shock humor accounts which appropriated homophobic Nazi imagery. Among these accounts, some sources claim Pope Benedict was especially interested in a parody religion based on a gestalt-intelligence known as Inglip.

While it’s too early to tell whether Pope Benedict’s interest in this new “parody” religion was simply rooted in his affinity for shock humor, most rumors claim that the Pope wanted to dissolve the Catholic church entirely and convert the Vatican into a seat of power for worshipers of Inglip. As the story goes, Cardinals brought in doctors, declared Pope Benedict “senile,” and issued a statement of retirement using his name.