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Entertainment

Secret Gang War Rages as Michael Jackson’s Return Approaches

Conspiracy behind recent rap deaths

HOLLYWOOD – The highest level of gang war – that within Hollywood’s elite rap community – has reached fevered pitch. Rather than fighting on the streets like the poor, these hyper-rich stars have resorted to the dirtiest tactics possible. Queen Latifah infected Akon with a genetically modified strain of fast-moving AIDS after rumors had spread throughout Hollywood that Akon once said Queen Latifah’s booty was bigger than his career. In response, Queen Latifah’s main man, Kanye West, was given a roofie immediately before driving home, leading to his death. At this point, Michael Jackson stepped in to end the war among the opposing factions within his organization. As all Hoaxers agree, there are many clues proving Michael Jackson faked his own death so he could help the hip hop community rebel against the New World Order. Michael Jackson slashed the hell out of Lil Wayne’s face till he died just to set an example for the community.

These rappers appear to be still alive to this very day, as the record company has kept a body double on hand to protect their investments in the musician’s brand. Kanye West is a computer simulation, and Akon’s been replaced by a body double. Lil Wayne’s body double is actually a clone, created at birth and subjected to all the exact same tattoos.

May the great Michael Jackson teach us all how to love one another upon his imminent return. May his return be swift, timely and full of groovy dance beats. In Thriller we trust our futures, Amen.

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Categories
Editorial

Antisec is not Anonymous

“You cannot arrest an idea,” was Topiary’s last message to Anonymous, but he should have mentioned you can kill an idea. The internet counterculture known as Anonymous, which is actually not a hacking collective, found its most unifying moment coming to the defense of Wikileaks and the freedom of the press. Now, a year later, a small group of supposed Anons have assaulted Stratfor and made themselves direct enemies of the freedom of the press. Rampant misinformation has led the majority of Anons to support this action, and it seems the general belief is that Stratfor must be evil as it was hacked by Anonymous. In truth, Stratfor’s benign publication has been disrupted unfairly and without reason. The Anonymous subculture is in danger of losing all credibility, but more importantly all online Anonymity has been put in jeopardy by the actions of the very few.

Antisec and their leader Sabu, the small group which took credit for this hack, appear to act out of pure opportunism as a matter of course. While their belief that bad security, in itself, warrants exploitation has been expanded on at great lengths, it is actually completely contrary to Anarchist thought. Anarchists criticize those whose authority is gained solely through use of force, and support authority only when it has been proven entirely necessary. Antisec has used force time and time again, serving little to no positive purpose for society and ultimately placing the very concept of anonymity in a negative light for no reason at all. For example, Antisec’s Chinga La Migra release offered up thousands of e-mails from border police, claiming that this action would expose corruption. Not a single case of corruption was exposed, but the sensitive personal information of many border police was. Military Meltdown Monday, another attack carried out by Antisec, yielded 57,000 e-mails containing sensitive personal information of officers and no cases of corruption. Shooting Sherriff’s Saturday, yet another attack targeting law enforcement, yielded information from 77 different sheriff’s offices and again, revealed no cases of corruption and publicized the personal information of officers. Antisec’s use of force in these attacks and on Stratfor is demonstrably without purpose, the actions not of righteous Anarchists, but opportunistic criminals.

Antisec is treading on thin moral ice, engaging in some of the very same activity the US government used to weaken Wikileaks. Sabu claims to have stolen over a million dollars from the credit card accounts found on Stratfor’s servers, a punishment which can be compared to the pressure put on Visa, Mastercard, and Paypal to stop the flow of funding to the defense of Wikileaks. While Sabu also claims to have donated this money to charity, this arguably puts Antisec in a worse standing as the charities will likely have their accounts frozen and only suffer a loss. Misinformation has spread about the nature of Stratfor, maligning and misrepresenting its activities. It is entirely possible that this activity has been purposeful, as the campaign of disinformation against Wikileaks was. Antisec does not stand on the moral high ground, as I believe most Anons do.

Anonymous can disown Antisec. In the past, Anons have disowned wayward operations by general consensus. For instance, threats made against Westboro Baptist Church were completely disowned and written off as infiltration by the Phelps family. The most damaging attack against the Playstation Network, which took place at the height of Operation Sony, was denied even though the hacker left the Anonymous mantra on the Sony server as a calling card. Actions which run contrary to the sensibilities of the Anonymous subculture or are extremely unpopular are in fact always disowned. That’s why I wrote this press release on Sunday, disowning Antisec’s attack on Stratfor. The intentions of Sabu and his crew are increasingly unclear, and it is time for Anons to think critically about whether this type of behavior really represents Anonymous. This struggle is not just about saving face for the internet’s biggest counter-culture, but helping to preserve a future where online anonymity is a protected right.

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Categories
Hate

How the Grinch stole Lulzmas

EDIT: After posting this article, Sabu clarified that his tweet did not, in fact, mean that he had stolen from the accounts of 90,000 law enforcement agents, journalists, intelligence community members, and whitehats. The part about journalists was actually shorthand for “corporate media executives,” and of the 90,000 accounts mentioned, only a few were stolen from on Christmas.

This is the tweet that caused so much confusion
Only Sabu and the Grinch steal on Christmas.

In the past, attacks on the media have been one of the few taboos among hackers in the Anonymous collective. And rightly so, as Anonymous generally stands firm on the issue of freedom of information and especially freedom of the press. With the exception of relatively harmless LulzSec defacements of NPR and The Sun, this has been one of the unspoken rules followed by the collective. That is, until now.

Merry Christmas! Unless, of course, you happen to be a journalist for a corporate “white hat” news outlet. In other words, an enemy of “the people” as defined by dear leader Sabu. Sabu tweeted out his Robin Hood hit-and-run on Christmas Eve, a present to all who follow his glorious command. That’s right, the bank accounts of journalists were raided to help make a million dollar donation to Sabu’s unnamed charity of choice. Possibly Hamas, as his Twitter avatar suggests. Only the Grinch steals on Christmas, doing it all for the lulz. Maybe Sabu’s just trolling us all for teh Lulz, too. He’ll come riding down the mountain with all the presents and all the little Who reporters will get their Christmas back.

Christmas this year isn't all bad, at least Boxxy showed some cleavage. Well, I'm not sure what's growing in her hair there.

This is, in effect, the same tactic employed by Mastercard and Paypal to punish WikiLeaks for publishing the cablegate documents leaked by Bradley Manning. If you disagree with what someone says, punish them financially – to hell with the freedom of press! As bankers, CEO’s, and other white collar criminals rob everyone blind, Sabu has decided to rob what he calls “white hat corporate journalists” because they have big ol’ corporate accounts and they aren’t starving or anything.

This move is so blindly stupid, so incalculably bad, so patently dumb, the only logical conclusion is that Sabu and his crew are working for the government to make the nebulous Anonymous collective look bad and help hasten SOPA and the oncoming forced Facebookization of the internet.

Merry Christmas! Anonymous is now fully integrated into the hate machine of one country or another and Sabu’s manning the helm, steering for ultimate destruction of the Fourth Estate. Does he work for Iran, the US, or Hamas? No one knows! What’s clear is that he obviously doesn’t work for Anonymous.