Author: Kilgoar

Merchandising for liberty – what could be a noble cause – has become something beyond disgusting at the Political Fail Blog. Matt Gratz has never written an article, and created a “blog” with the most piss-poor graphic design on the entire internet. He’s obviously raking in the dough, since he can afford to advertise his shitty Anonymous-derived merchandise on Facebook.

The Political Fail Blog is not a blog. Nearly all the material is republished in a thinly veiled attempt to drum up traffic.

It appears that a small group of writers have actually pumped out a whopping twenty original pieces for this “blog,” the bulk of which are xenophobic rants about the dangers of flouride, aliens, obesity, and the illnesses that are hiding in your food. Who gives a fuck?!? I’d bet anything Matt Gratz doesn’t pay his writers a dime. It’s one thing to spam your own shitty writing to AnonNews like we do here at the Chronicle, but another to use it to make a buck on the writing of others. Good luck with that, fuckwad!

Editor’s Note: thehackernews.com republished one (or more) chronicle.SU pieces and even though they followed the exact same ad-traffic formula as the political fail blog, we did not give a fuck.

We came out today only because the political fail blog is so full of fail.

Today, an unknown group of hackers released documents proving that Barack Obama and 97 senators were in fact using a complex algorithm to create their decisions and talking points. The software, known as ShadowMindGear, is also available as an App from the secret Washington Insider iPhone store.  The news has come as a huge surprise to everyone who thought that politicians were honest people who didn’t ever abuse their power. While it is not clear whether ShadowMindGear is actually sentient, the hackers have proposed that politicians are, in fact, no longer relying on their own intelligence.

“They’re just a face, given a particular platform by an unthinking machine that is playing with statistics. What manipulation is actually being done, ultimately, is unclear. We will never really know the depths of ShadowMindGear, and it’s so new that legality isn’t an issue yet.” ~Anonymous

This anonymous hacker informed us that politicians consult with their smartphones constantly, up to 10,000 times per day, to receive updates on strategy and talking points. Luckily, he added, brain cancer rates are most definitely up among users of mobile devices.

While our readers are left to wonder why this story hasn’t received wider circulation, some have speculated that ShadowMindGear has infected the fourth estate. Journalists, now relying on ShadowMindGear, are censored from the findings.

ShadowMindGear was purportedly created for Fox Broadcasting by a well-known internet security contractor. All Fox News broadcasts pass through a mainframe that adds a heavy dose of xenophobia, which is then relayed directly to the politicians via smartphones so that the fear can be optimally exploited. ShadowMindGear decided when to kill Osama and even played a major role in locating him. Our editors would like to remind readers that it is not yet clear whether ShadowMindGear is in fact sentient or not. It is, however, destroying your world.

Editor’s note: these opinions are only a reflection of the mind of ShadowMindGear and do not represent Chronicle.SU or Lebal Drocer.

CHRISTCHURCH-News sources reported that LulzBoat has defaced PBS. This act was intended to mock PBS and plug their own Twitter feed. PBS has faced the loss of public funding and may now be referred to simply as BS.

A piece of fiction claiming Tupac is alive and well was placed on PBS in an attempt by “LulzSec” to outdo the Chronicle at spamming satire to large audiences. The piece is quoted here in its entirety:

“Prominent rapper Tupac has been found alive and well in a small resort in New Zealand, locals report. The small town – unnamed due to security risks – allegedly housed Tupac and Biggie Smalls (another rapper) for several years. One local, David File, recently passed away, leaving evidence and reports of Tupac’s visit in a diary, which he requested be shipped to his family in the United States.”

The unnamed town in this story is Christchurch, which was recently shaken by a deadly earthquake. Along with Biggie and Tupac, Osama Bin Laden was recently seen in Christchurch, planning false flag attacks even while retired.

Chronicle reporters have received testimony from our contacts in Christchurch that Biggie, Tupac, and Osama have stepped through the first Rowntree Free-Energy Stargate, invented by Alistair Rowntree, who passed through late last year into the great unknown. With him went Alrart.net, of which little is left except a small command post created with the aid of Lebal Drocer’s Elf Wax Times. Our sources have been working night and day to restore Alrart.net to its former glory.

While the startling homage to Chronicle.SU from LulzBoat is quite welcome, our writers have suggested spamming more subversive and well-written material in the future. The world is left to wonder: is LulzBoat really Anonymous? Will Alrart, Biggie, Tupac, or Osama ever return? Stay tuned in to Chronicle.SU!