Author: Kilgoar

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Alex Jones Crybaby Tears disgust audience!

Fans agree: Alex Jones has gone down the wrong path in life

INTERNET — Psychiatrist to Alex Jones, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, announced that Alex Jones’ pot habit has turned the Alternative Talk Radio Host into what he described as an “emotional child.”

[pullquote] He used to be sharp eyed for all the inconsistencies in 9/11, but nowadays he has to kiss the Saudi’s feet and thank them for it.[/pullquote]”Everyone’s seen Alex Jones smoking weed on Joe Rogan, and behind that there is certainly a deeper, even hardcore addiction. The marijuana has him feeling so sympathetic to the Syrian Gasser. Well, whatever one believes, crying like that on air is a total buzzkill, man.”

Internet Chronicle infiltrators in the InfoWars staff say that Alex Jones is not being allowed to speak out about everything he knows, and might have been threatened recently by the Deep State, or even replaced with a simulation. “I don’t know why he’s crying like this, but it’s embarrassing everyone. It’s not him.”

“Something really is up with him,” said Prenter Huddleston, audio intern, “And it ain’t just the pot. It ain’t just the government taking his kids cause he’s doped up all the goddamn time. It’s the Russians and the Americans, working together to take over the world. He’s guilty for bringing about the New World Order. He knows that Syria is a fake war designed to drive ‘refugee’ immigration. He knows that ultimately these missile exercises are just so that American forces, combined with Russians, will achieve global nuclear superiority. And for the first time in his life, he can’t say the truth. All he can do is cry. It’s ruining Alex. He used to be sharp eyed for all the inconsistencies in 9/11, but nowadays he has to kiss the Saudi’s feet and thank them for it.”

Tactical Strategist Ian Krank confirmed the leaks, telling reporters, “My God, My God. We have the US engaging in offensive exercises, warning Russians ahead of time, and we are supposed to believe that this is all because of chemical weapons? That these weapons can have any kind of meaningful impact? If there were chemical weapons it was surely the Americans and the Russians working together to stage them, so they can keep testing. It has nothing to do with Syria at all. “

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Did the Deep State REPLACE Donald Trump with a computer simulation?

The Deep State's done it again: Donald Trump Replaced by Simulation
The Deep State’s done it again: Donald Trump Replaced by Simulation

INTERNET — Julian Assange passed on a few last words to Sarah Harrison, Thursday, before Ecuador blocked his internet connection and took away his right to visitors.

“Julian told me that Donald Trump’s been replaced with a computer simulation. He said I should be very sure to tell everyone that this is what he means when he warns us about Artificial Intelligence,” Teary-eyed Harrison shouted this to protesters stationed outside the Embassy, who amplified each syllable with the human microphone.

“Hillary Clinton’s State Department set the wheels moving on secretly deposing Trump ahead of time, even backing Trump, throwing what should have been an easy election.” The WikiLeaks supporters gasped, moaned, prominent supporter Suzi Dawson fell to her knees.

The human microphone lost all rhythm, confusing Harrison’s speech. “Wikileaks is preparing the release of the Deep State Files which will confirm that the Deep State has indeed assassinated or imprisoned Donald Trump, replacing him with computer simulations and lookalikes. The desired outcome of the Deep State is outrageous government debt, which is achieved through spending bigger than Hillary could have ever considered. The Donald Trump simulation is used to make everyone more poor, more enslaved to the Deep State than ever before in history.”

Chants of ‘Deep State Files’ rang clear, overwhelming Harrison’s story at several points, but a tense and uncomfortable silence prevailed as Harrison gestured decisively at the ground.

“Wikileaks has NEVER been proven wrong. We have PROOF the deep state has a fake Trump out there to push dangerous and unpopular actions in a democracy. The tariffs on industrial imports, new co-operative offensive actions to carve up the Middle East more quickly. Of course the Deep State is doing all this, and Trump might have been real, but now he’s just a Deep State Fake! Why it’s so easy with today’s computers that even a college student can make a Fake Trump. Still don’t think the Deep State can take over Donald Trump’s position? You’ll see the proof soon, on hashtag #DEEPSTATEFILES, so stay tuned folks! It’s gonna be a real barn burner like you haven’t seen in all of Wikileaks HISTORY! Finally we have a hold of the DEEP STATE FILES!”

The screams and shouts of nearly insane joy from supporters at this solemn moment broken in upon by total rapture was too terrible to put into words.

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Hillary Clinton indicted over e-mail scandal

Hillary is expected to be put to death without trial

INTERNET – Former New York Senator and First Lady Hillary Clinton was indicted by a grand jury, Monday, for illegally using a private server to host her government e-mails. Clinton was detained and is being held on suicide watch at the military brig in Quantico as a terrorist and enemy of the state.

Forensic Analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador led a squad of commandos to exfiltrate Clinton’s e-mail servers from an undisclosed Deep State hiding spot after being tipped off by Julian Assange. With sophisticated airgapping hacks, specialist Jamie “Asshurt” McFegs was able to extract damning deleted evidence that Clinton conspired with Vladimir Putin in rigging the 2016 presidential election.

Dr. Troubador and his team fled beyond the reach of the Deep State to the safety of Moscow early Sunday morning with the help of Wikileaks and the Courage Foundation. Julian Assange told fans, “Dr. Troubador is the greatest hero of all time. Bigger than Snowden, bigger than Manning, bigger than me. He will be remembered for millennia as the man who single handedly and boldly changed history for the better.”

In the most striking leaked e-mail to Putin, Hillary wrote “We’ve got to cancel out those deplorable Republican votes any way we can! Hack the voting machines and cancel their fucking votes if you have to, get into their facebooks, twitter, youtube and BAN the fuckers, whatever it takes.”

Donald Trump tweeted that he would end all democratic elections in the US after Hillary was put to death for treason.  “Maybe I’ll be president for life, like Putin or Xi Jinping.” the president told reporters on the golf course at Mar-A-Lago. “But first, we’re going to set things right and LOCK HER UP AND GIVE HER THE CHAIR! We’ll ask questions later. There’s just no time for a trial with these terrorists.”