Author: Kilgoar

WASHINGTON — After WikiLeaks reported that there were no witnesses to Osama Bin Laden’s burial at sea, an anonymous leaker from the Secret Service stepped forward with a startling claim — Bin Laden’s corpse was stuffed and put on display in Obama’s smoking room, perpetually locked in a ferocious and terrifying gesture next to the president’s favorite pinball machine.

Abu Muhammed, ISIS general, said, “The Islamic State will battle all the way to Washington DC and reclaim the defiled body of the Great Martyr.” Islamic theology holds that one day Islam is destined to control the entire world.

ARGENTINA —  Albert Nisman was shot dead by an unknown villain after he threatened to bring a case against Argentine President Cristina Fernandez for an alleged Iranian Bombing coverup.

Friday, Gerardo Pollitica took over the investigation and by Saturday evening he was also shot dead.

From his mobile prison in Texas, Barrett Brown told Anonymous, “Anons in Argeninta, Investigate! Anon took out Scientology, Anon took out ISIS. Project PM announces the formation of #OpJeSuisNisman, and we will bring Freedom to Argentina like we did to Tunisia. Anons, I cannot send out timely messages about the multitude of stories I miss while in Diesel Therapy. Remember! Never waste a good media event, and if it’s a slow day make one up.”

 

 

INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Guy Fieri, Food Network’s host for hit television show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. Fieri died Saturday evening from an impacted stool that ruptured his appendix and caused a fatal infection.

Fieri was known for reviewing some of the best food joints in America, traveling in his iconic red Mustang.

Guy entered his iconic “hunch” for the last time on Friday afternoon, eating a corned beef and pastrami sandwiched between two doughnuts smothered in “food lube” at Gerry’s Diner in Des Moines.

“He’s in the flavor town in the sky now, no doubt,” said Food Network chef and personal friend of Fieri’s, Mario Batali.