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Politics World

Syria Conflict Causing Retardation In John Kerry

John Kerry
John Kerry showed the telltale signs of retardation Friday.

Secretary of State John Kerry has descended into what experts are calling advanced mental retardation. As the increasingly complex situation in Syria continues to unfold, the former Senator appears “disheveled and dumb.”

“I’m not saying there’s any correlation,” explained The Internet Chronicle’s Chief Political Analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, “but if you just look at his drooping, uneven eyes, and listen to the shit he says, he’s obviously totally retarded.”

John Kerry told Syrian President Bashar al-Assad Friday to disclose his data on chemical weapons and is arranging a plan with Russia to dispose of Assad’s chemical weapons.

“Kerry’s pitiful retardation prevents him from acknowledging the likelihood of false flag gas attacks as a measure of ousting Syria’s leadership. Because it’s either that, or he wants to help Al-Qaeda, and our government wouldn’t seriously prop up the group responsible for the Sept. 11 attacks, right?”

In other news: Italian MP says 9/11 was an inside job

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Uncontrollable Patriotism

America Joins Al Qaeda

A transcendental John F. Kennedy once said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.”

JFK might have been a no-good Communist sympathizer, but by God, he was right about one thing: serving your country. Besides, why do you think we had him assassinated?

The new frontier is wrought with peril – freedom-threatening, America-hating, chemically weaponized peril. But we don’t have to stand for it!

Who would have thought a man named Barack Hussein Obama would someday turn out to serve Al-Qaeda?

NOT US! But things are different. By gum, times have changed. America’s taking on a new image. No, we still don’t negotiate with terrorists; we FINANCE them! Where are our tax dollars going? Follow the money! Sign up for Al-Qaeda now, and take part in some of the most freedom-enhancing, civilian-terrorizing fun you can have with your pants off – raping countless victims!

Enlist within one hour of reading this to sign up for our Syrian Autumn event and receive premium access to maximum firepower with minimum consequences!

Join Al-Qaeda Today!

Sign up Wednesday for OUR PATRIOT DAY SPECIAL. Can’t beat ’em? Join ’em! 12 years ago tomorrow, Al-Qaeda bombed the World Trade Center, effectively castrating the American spirit of self-determination. Now, we are more reliant on Al-Qaeda for survival than ever before.

Build a Better Tomorrow – Join Al-Qaeda TODAY

A stronger Al-Qaeda

For a stronger America

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Uncontrollable Patriotism

The US Supports Al Qaeda

The United States of America says you’ll be detained for showing support for Al Qaeda. Because they hate competition.

Semantic Blockage
The NDAA

You never transcended. You’re a semantic fucking blockage.