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Entertainment

Trump responds: Mothers Against Violent Videogames blamed Sid Meier’s Civilization series for Donald Trump’s cartoonish rise to power

civ2adBoredom advocate group Mothers Against Violent Videogames (MAVAV) came out in opposition on Saturday against the popular Civilization game series, of which there are now more than six installments.

The game’s depiction of cartoon powermongering and racially static world leaders teaches children it’s OK to indulge in dangerous lust for power, the group said. Top Trump advisers have repeatedly tried and failed to wean President Trump from his 18-hours-per-day gaming habit, but the Don was having none of it.

“I’m learning from this game, this is true,” Trump said. “And the more I learn about the barbarians to our South, the higher that wall gets. In this game, you’ve got to be tough.”

Melania went on MSNBC to express her frustration with Donald’s gaming habits.

“I warned him those videogames are no good. Donny wouldn’t listen,” the future First Lady said. “I said Donny, it’s time for bed. It was my breeding time. He said, ‘Just one more turn. I’m moving on Dido like furniture!’ He got hooked on Civilization II and hasn’t been the same since Brave New World expansion pack.”

Sources say the nearby barbarian village Trump inherited from the Obama administration no longer produces gold on each kill, despite early adoption of the Honor social policy that also grants culture bonuses for every killed terrorist. An injection of war funds will most certainly bolster our yawning economy.

“She said get off the game, and go to the library,” Trump said. “I told her ‘Oh, should I go to a library?’ Well, I know how you all feel about the barbarians to the South. I know it. I hear your voices. But if you think barbarians are bad, folks, wait until you go to a library. Because you know what they have at the library? Librarians.”

https://i.imgur.com/RbNvGCQ.gifv

MAD DOG SWATTING AWAY TERRORISTS

 

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News

Come on down to Hole-Suckers on Southside and get your hole sucked

Tonight only, come get your hole sucked at Southside Hole-Suckers on Williamson Rd right next door to the Civic Center Arena!

hole-suckers

Hole-Suckers on Southside is now fun for the whole family. Get your hole sucked on Southside while the women watch. Hole Suckers on Southside is where Timmy becomes a man! Southside Hole Suckers – Get your whole hole sucked by the mouthside, on the Southside!

“I took my church group to Southside Hole Suckers and we had a lovely time. The staff were very friendly and treated us all (even the you-know-whos) like family.”

“I visited Hole Suckers on Southside for my buddy’s wake. It was depressing, because of the way he died, but that was through no fault of the good people at Southside Hole-Suckers.”

“I took my prom date to Southside Hole-Suckers – because we’re kind of the weird kids at school – and even though we are both virgins, my girlfriend is now pregnant. Thanks, Southside Hole-Suckers!”

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Categories
Politics

Americans ripped from fantasy world ‘like babies from a womb’:

ROANOKE, Va. — FBI agents claim two stoned American white men were “ripped like babies from a womb” following Tuesday’s election results.

Investigators who have been working on the case since Wednesday said the men appeared paranoid and terrified, as if they had seen some horrible aspect.

troubadour-delivers-baby

“It was like they were just seeing the world for the first time,” the agent said. He called it “the 9/11 of their time” – a point of reference in their timeline of social consciousness beyond which no innocence can be returned.

One of the guys was passed out in police custody, because he’s a pot-smoking CRIMINAL, but the other one was cool because he didn’t have weed on him, so he told Internet Chronicle how his world view changed:

I thought we’d come farther than this, man. I actually really thought we had come so far, we could get a career criminal elected into office over Archie Bunker. Turns out, I was wrong about a lot of things. Next time, I’m voting with my heart: I’m going Gary Johnson. Now he has a plan!

“They’ll never forget how they remembered America’s paranoid, racist history extending as far back as the 1970s, when white nerds killed disco, for which we have already apologized profusely.” federal agent Smith said. “Nor will they forget how flimsy a candidate can be, who deletes subpoenaed emails on command for her corporate power-lords.”

Internet Chronicle linguistics analyst and hate philosopher Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour believes in front loading attribution, and that blatant misuse of language itself led to the seemingly eternal crisis of political misunderstanding between the so-called Left and so-called Right.

“The words ‘liberal’ and ‘conservative’ don’t even have denotations anymore. They mean what people want them to mean,” Troubadour said. “These words are to be avoided at all cost.”

makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money, makin money’s for the words.

[Editor’s note: Remember Trump’s CRAZY response when the 60 Minutes lady asked him how many more tax dollars would be spent drone striking weddings?]