Author: Hatesec

I am the hatest

Health

Lebal Drocer one step closer to securing ‘Kevorkian’ treatment programs

Post author By Hatesec
Post date September 24, 2015
2 Comments on Lebal Drocer one step closer to securing ‘Kevorkian’ treatment programs

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour's latest book, Troll Medicine, is under scrutiny amid yet another media-invented 'peer-review scandal.'

Jack Kevorkian was a pretty cool guy. eh kills patients and doesn’t afraid of anything.

Has the daily grind got you contemplating suicide? At Lebal Drocer Laboratories is leading the way in assisted suicide thanks to groundbreaking new research by Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour and his magnificent staff of scientists, scholars and lobbyists. Using state-of-the-art techniques, Troubadour and his team were able to isolate literally thousands of variables that could aide in assisted suicide.

Starting with an intravenous injection of TerrorMax, a Lebal Drocer product, a team of real doctors will carefully consider all the stupid bullshit challenging you as you play out your pointless, insignificant life. A decision to go through with the suicide is almost always reached within your first visit to our facility, and we have top-notch lawyers to make sure of it. Live every day like it’s your last, at Lebal Drocer Laboratories!

“We wanted to give people a choice in how they die,” Dr. Troubadour said in a press release, our only source in this story. “Fondly I remember how Jack Kevorkian would kill his patients with ease and a sense of duty. Back then, it was manly to kill yourself. Hemingway did it. We knew we could deliver that. At Lebal Drocer Labs, people can become a larger-than-life martyr in their own self-image, joining the ranks of heroic men like Kurt Cobain and Michael Hastings.

Reviews Special Interest

Meme market in free-fall as mass production diminishes pepe rarity

Post author By Hatesec
Post date September 23, 2015
2 Comments on Meme market in free-fall as mass production diminishes pepe rarity

All the dank memes are gone, moved overseas. What’s left is the pepes. Worthless, rare pepes.

A desert man burns his worthless savings – once rare pepes – now good only for warmth.

After pepes appeared on the popular reddit-backed website imgflip – and were subsequently mass-produced by college students – rare pepes took a catastrophic plunge in lulz value. Rare pepes were at one time so rare, people thought they’d never lose value. In fact, prices even sustained over time as imgflip got stale. But somehow, the influx of pepes continued.

Through the popular underground imageboard 8ch.net, pepes continuously emanated without explanation from the /b/ subforum.

Like every meme consumed by 8chan, rare pepes were first validated through the shitposting website “reddit” before adoption by 8chan. As a result, rare pepes are now worthless and the Internet once again shifts its focus to outmoded but ironic Tweetie and Sylvester jokes most commonly spread via Facebook: a forced irony that will soon become canon.

We collectively have sunk to new lows. We’re still searching for the new floor.

– Jim Kramer, Shitposting Speculator

Society

The Ruins of Malvern

A subdevelopment:

And the crowds came down to break Old Malvern’s legs. But they didn’t stop there. They couldn’t help themselves. They encircled him and snarled.

“This terrorist doesn’t deserve to live among us. The civilized.” Arms were raised in celebration, and came down in a fury. The hurting stopped only because he died.

Now the Malverns keep a stone by the fireplace, inscribed by the only Malvern son. “Us.”

His peers lit a torch. His followers cut lumber like he was still there among them. Watching. But no one watched their work that day. No one saw through the haze of Malvern’s memory.

Now a quiet settles like dust on the ruins of his achievements. At 4 a.m. the Malvern wife and mother does watch. A calm washes over her as she surveys the wasteland. To know sweet Mr. Malvern never saw it with his own eyes, how she saw it, this colorless morning.

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