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Technology

Snowden Unveils NSA "God Mode" Malware That Lives On Your Motherboard And Can Not Be Traced

New Snowden revelation “GODSURGE” gives NSA ability to see everything your computer does – even the screen

The NSA backdoor GODSURGE hooks in and propagates with DIETYBOUNCE
The NSA backdoor GODSURGE hooks in and propagates with DIETYBOUNCE

Original documents released by Snowden reveal surveillance powers that go beyond root access, and into the hardware of all computer systems everywhere.

The exploit hooks itself into a computer’s boot loader, initiating an “infected” BIOS that is in no way distinguishable from normal computer activity, and can only be discovered through forensic investigation of the physical data chip using electron microscopes.

With GODSURGE, a complex malware loaded by the similarly named malware DEITYBOUNCE, secret agents are able to monitor users’ computer activity – even when the computer is offline – because the malware phones home when users plug back in, reporting activity and filling in historical gaps.

It is safe from an operating system reinstall because it lives on the motherboard, and does not affect the installation at all, remaining undetected by antivirus scanners and even computer scientists.

When Ross Ulbricht was found hiding among the stacks in the Glen Park public library in San Francisco, the 29-year-old Silk Road operator was believed to have covered his tracks perfectly. Speculation is rampant as to how he was really caught.

Neckbeards with no working knowledge of Internet technology hypothesized that an “anonymous” forum post asking for help on specialized messageboard code led unseen internet police to backtrace his IP. It is an unlikely connection, but compelling conspiracy theory, because it is a common supposition that the Internet is a self-referencing, self-cleaning hivemind; but it is far more likely that ubiquitous, self-replicating code that bounces to destinations through “jump hosts” – a self-replicating “Onion Router” of malware – led to his discovery because it tells the NSA exactly what any given computer is doing – or trying to do – without being caught.

Or to put it another way, they see what you see.

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Categories
Entertainment

Fish Plays Pokemon

In an effort to catch them all, Grayson the betta male has logged 150 hours on Pokémon.
In an effort to catch them all, Grayson the betta male has logged 150 hours on Pokémon.

In an unprecedented union of nature and technology, a Siamese fighting fish – or “betta” – has unknowingly dived into the world of handheld RPGs and devoted its life to the Red/Blue Game Boy version of Pokémon.

Grayson, a male betta, is doing better than expected.

OP was a pretty cool guy, and had this to say:

“Grayson has been playing for around 125 hours. Last time I checked, Grayson had acquired his first Pokemon, a charmander named AAAABBK and defeated his first opponent, the rival’s squirtle! (Grayson has been playing since the very start and selected his own name from one of the preset ones!)” – TheBloxer

In what game developers are calling “the ultimate betta test,” the onscreen controls are determined by Grayson’s position in his fishbowl. When he slept in his hammock Wednesday night, for example, he was lodged in the “up” directional button. The controls look solid, but are kinda finicky as indicated by a yellow dot that is supposed to track his exact position.

A controversial change was made to the control scheme Thursday, when the fish’s “owner” randomized the button mapping software, potentially interfering with the experiment by stripping even more control from the fish and placing Ash’s fate in the hands of a random number generator.

Perhaps the strangest element of watching a fish play Pokémon for 24 hours a day is the chat bar to the right of Grayson’s play area on twitch.tv: Viewers egg Grayson on during his sleep, with slogans like “Consult the hammock!” and ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ FISHY WAKE UP! ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ … and during his “gaming hours” a subculture of hero worship is burgeoning. ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ ALL HAIL THE MAGIKARP!

The feed is silent, of course, because yesterday twitch.tv shit the bed in fear of copyright lawyer-ghosts and muted any stream featuring music in any form (like Saudi Arabia!) – even their own.

Watch Grayson play Pokémon

Watch live video from FishPlaysPokemon on www.twitch.tv

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Categories
Local

Holy Toledo: Ohio Town Poisoned by New World Order Thugs

toledo-waterTOLEDO – Toledo is in a state of emergency today after EPA chemists found a deadly toxin in the water that automatically kills anything it touches. After hours of research, no one yet understands the wretched algal bloom that appeared over Lake Eerie and started coming out of Toledoan’s water faucets Saturday.

The price of water in the midwestern town shot up to $10 per gallon, and the town has been described as a post-apocalyptic nightmare scenario akin to “Raccoon City” of the popular zombie survival videogame Resident Evil.

Experts have suggested the toxic algae bloomed “far beyond” what occurs in nature.

Jim Glube, researcher for the federal EPA, said the water supply was intentionally poisoned.

“I’ve seen this before,” Glube said. “You don’t get algae bloom like this out in the wild without artificial intervention. Someone had to go out on the lake and spread this stuff around.”

Glube said the poisoning could be the work of bioterrorists or some kind of “new world order.”

“The move was so calculated, I’m willing to say this was not just one guy,” Glube told Chronicle investigators. “Based on Eerie’s size, and the magnitude of the spread, my guess is this was a calculated effort to bring about some kind of new world order.”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour is an editor of the peer-reviewed journal Nature. Troubadour said if the town was poisoned, then “Nestle would know something about it,” because they have private access to the lake, but no one from the company would respond.

“Remember the baby formula thing,” Troubadour said. “Nestle is not very cautious. They don’t care, and they are connected to very, very horrible people who believe access to water is not a basic human right.”

As scientists grapple with how to solve the humanitarian crisis in Toledo, politicians are assuring residents up front that they are working on an alternative water solution. And in the back, they’re asking their corporate donors to donate next year to the PAC instead.

The Toledo Health Department says it is critical residents know the following:

  1. It is safe for healthy adults to bathe, but do not let the water stay on your skin longer than a few minutes.
  2. Do not drink tap water until the ‘all clear’ has been given. This also includes pets.
  3. Do not use tap water to cook.
  4. Do not boil tap water, as this increases the concentration of toxins.
  5. It is OK to use your toilet, as long as no water splashes up into your butt hole.
  6. If you’re on well water, have your well water tested daily. If the poisoning was intentional, there is no way to tell who is being targeted or how far the killers will go