WE’RE THE MICHAEL JACKSON DEAF HOX INVESTIGATERS AND WE GET SHIT DONE
if you have a michael jackson is still alive story waste no time in emailing to us here at the chronicle.su or just post it here or comment it thats quickest for real
we dont give a flip what you write but we can tell if your lying so BE HONEST
At the Chronicle.SovietUnion we care about your piravicay so make every effort to conceal it from us or else we hand it over to the authoritarians in charge of the website. big deal
[pullquote]MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL ALIVE TOUCHING HEALTHY LIVING CHILDREN
~me[/pullquote]
if you feel that michael jackson may have touched you, please reach out to a support group that handles that sort of thing because we do NOT provide therapy and will delete your requests for compassion and humanity. or you could just learn to live with how awesome it is that a pop superstar handled your little boy junk while the gettin was still good.
also we will touch you. i will personally make my way into your home and crawl into bed with you and your siblings and touch it all. every hairless inch.
there is no stopping the michael jackson death hoax instigators and it may come to that. you may find yourself desperately trying to stop us while others around you depend on you to make it stop. try as you might, we will succeed.
WE’RE THE MICHAEL JACKSON DEATH HOAX INGESTIGATORS AND WE MOFO GET SHIT DONE
dont be a tool of the illuminati. they might be watching; but we are videotaping.
[pullquote]”When the news said Michael died I instantly wanted to figure out what happened, because instinctively I thought of the Illuminati first.”[/pullquote]Strong evidence unearthed by death hoax investigators at Michael Jackson Hoax Forum suggests that Michael Jackson is actually alive, using his faked death as a way to continue his struggle against the Illuminati. Some skeptics have suggested that Jackson is actually dead at the hands of his worst enemies. “Michael Jackson really pissed of the Illuminati so they killed him… and are now creating all these fake clues so that Michael Jackson fans believe he is alive and hence do not seek justice for him being murdered.”
Michael Jackson has possibly been dropping clues to his fans on the official Michael Jackson Community Forum Web Site under the username ‘back‘ since 2005. Some skeptics have argued that ‘back’ is actually not Michael Jackson himself, but possibly someone who is “in the know.” However, Jackson definitely appeared on Larry King Live, shortly after his death, disguised as burn victim Dave Dave.
“Hoaxers,” as believers of the Michael Jackson death hoax like to be called, are often threatened and misled by a shadowy force that is most likely the Illuminati. There is wide consensus that Jackson has extensively used at least three body doubles in order to throw off the New World Order.
All these subtle clues and hints from the Illuminati are all a part of a cruel jest. “The Illuminati like playing games – remember that – that is why the illuminati symbolism appears in every mainstream music video.”
Thursday– Shoenice, who released a new video every hour and updated his Facebook wall an average of twenty two times per hour, has just eaten one entire can of Crisco, two tablespoons of BBs from a gun, and a whole bottle of cinnamon. After crusading for Facebook followers, YouTube subscribers, and even Skype friends, Shoenice proceeded to play peekaboo to an audience of three hundred people who have only just met him and not yet realized he is the human trashcan that eats everything.
Shoenice is a nice man on a nice mission to save his nice children from poverty by becoming rich and famous on youtube, and since you read it here, that means it is working out alright. Except that his body has become a steady pipeline of hate.
SHOENICE22 is willing to eat almost anything, and makes a point of eating everything as quickly as possible. He does not seem to fear cancer-causing agents, and will eat anything short of heart-stopping medicine. Shoenice never blinks, because he once put super glue in his eyes and that is how real men cope with divorce. He is constantly rerencing the riches his fame is about to bring him. As of this exact moment, his videos top quadrillions of views, surpassing all other YouTube videos in number of hits. The Chronicle anticipates the trials of Shoenice will soon be picked up by network television and sponsored by US war machine manufacturer Lockheed Martin.
“Hell yeah, I’d watch that shit. It would be like Fear Factor without the fear.”
Viewer
While facts demonstrate Shoenice is the greatest thing TV never built, detractors claim he “suffers” from an “extreme” case of Pica, exacerbated by the attention he gets on the internet. Shoenice, however, claimed he does not suffer from Pica and iterated Pica is not something he can eat and therefore does not exist, except only in theory. Shoenice bills himself as a comedian, filling his videos with wisecracks but at the same time sprinkling in clever allusions to his personal problems such as his recent divorce.
“He has a great personality. And a divorce.”
-Concerned Viewer
“HERE COMES SHOENICE TO EAT YO MOFO SCREEN BITCHES. AND HE’S THERE. IT IS AWESOME. WHENEVER I CLICK HTTP://YOUTUBE.COM/USER/SHOENICE22 I GET THE EYES FULL OF JOY AND A RAGING KILLER BONER.”
-Stoned Viewer
Shoenice has been in the comedy eating game for a long time. In one video, he recalled eating many Tampons as a young boy and later during high school. “It opened up in my throat like an umbrella, and when my mom was yanking on that string with my head between her legs, she knew she gave birth to something special.”
SHOENICE WILL YOU PLEASE EAT A VIDEO OF YOURSELF EATING A VIDEO OF YOURSELF PLEASE? I DONT KNOW HOW YOU WOULD DO THAT BUT YOU ARE CREATIVE AND CAN SURELY THINK OF SOMETHING.
-Desperate Viewer
After reviewing tapes of the acts, Chronicle Legal Aide and Psychoanalytic Analyst Jeff Shepard concluded Shoenice is not a danger to himself or society, but added “Shoenice is quite charming in a disturbing way, causing viewers laugh their ass off while being completely and utterly nauseated beyond belief. Strangely, Shoenice appears to almost always wear the exact same shirt and baseball cap, covering the shame of his bald head while highlighting his beautiful, nonfunctioning eyes.”
Shoenice loves drugs, which is nice. We would do any amount of cocaine with this man and most of us don’t even like cocaine. Meanwhile he could enlighten us to the consequences of giving oral sex to an underage girl with a yeast infection.
Shoenice loves drugs, which is nice. We would do any amount of cocaine with this man and most of us don’t even like cocaine. Meanwhile he could enlighten us to the consequences of giving oral sex to an underage girl with a yeast infection.
