CYBERWAR — Freedom Fighters from the Anonymous hacker collective have continued their cyberwar in Operation Charlie Hebdo and claim to have doxed thousands of Islamists hiding in Europe and the US. Meanwhile, CyberJihadists from ISIS hacked the United States Central Command and tweeted America’s imminent invasion plans for both China and North Korea.
Veteran Anonymous hacker Commander X told reporters, “It’s amazing that the Internet is still even holding together, if even by a thread. I have never seen cyberwar on this scale — it’s the digital equivalent of the D-Day invasion of Normandy out here. We are working around the clock to dox every last sleeper cell from Al Qaeda to ISIS, even though it might seem impossible. The thousands of dox we already have in our possession cannot be made public, and we are considering hiring bitcoin hitmen as well as some other alternatives to reporting terrorists to the fascist US government. But Anonymous and freedom will prevail, and Charlie Hebdo will be avenged.”
EXCLUSIVE! Chronicle.su is the only publication cleared to run this cartoon in the entire Soviet Union!
CYBERWAR — Anonymous claimed a tremendous victory in its #OpCharlieHebdo campaign by downing all Internet in areas controlled by da3sh, the terrorist “cancer” growing in the heart of the middle east, also known as ISIS or the Islamic State.
The Hacker known as Weev AKA 4chan, acting as temporary official spokesperson for Anonymous (while Barrett Brown is in Jail), told reporters, “The brave white men at Charlie Hebdo are surely the truest practitioners of satire on the whole Earth. They have been avenged, for Thor’s lulz. The Internet at da3sh will be down until those goatfuckers send themselves up to their baby-rape heaven.”
Weev is not a Christian, but a folkish, or militant right-wing practitioner of a vague Norse polytheistic reconstructionist faith, emphasizing the God of Power and Violence, Odin. Weev gained notoriety in America and Northern Europe for popularizing a pornographic image of a depraved man with the biggest gaping asshole in the world, as stretched to its absolute limit.
The Arab world has long accused Anonymous of acting as an instigator and meddler in their local affairs after Anonymous operations added chaos to an already destabilized situation in Tunisia and Egypt at critical moments while CIA agents installed regimes more friendly to the West during the so-called “Arab Spring.”
Iran’s Press TV even accused Anonymous of being a false flag operation of the United States, citing the well-known false flag crimes committed by Islamist Hector Xavier Monsegur, AKA Sabu, who led thousands of attacks on police departments and innocent news organizations in the US after being co-opted by the “FBI.” Press TV cited New Homeland security laws introduced secretly in FISA courts that call for “aggressive and pro-active networking in all branches and twigs in all federal, state, provincial, and local governments.”
Commander X, veteran lieutenant in the Anonymous hacker collective, explained, “Lots of trolls think that Anonymous convinced allies of the pro-US rebellion to shelter themselves in the US-backed Tor Internet cloaking device. That’s bullshit. We fight for freedom. They also say we defaced the government websites, a feat that surely enabled us to leak something that we never leaked. Trolls. They say that LOIC is just a trap for noobs. TROLLS. Don’t listen to the haters and the bullshit. We hate America just as much as any jihadist, but Free Speech is even more important. Je Suis Charlie!”
Narendra Modi, president of India, was implicated by Wikileaks as backing ISIS and Al-Qaeda
INTERNET — WikiLeaks spokesperson Jolene Assange shocked the world, announcing, “Both Al-Qaeda and ISIS have their highest leadership positions infiltrated by Hindus who want to sow discord among monotheistic religions. It was not the United States government that engineered 9/11. It was India.”
A leaker shared documents with WikiLeaks which confirmed beyond a doubt that the attack on Charlie Hebdon in France was carried out by a special Muslim-to-Hindu convert militia known as the PakiHindus. The PakiHindu commando squad has framed Muslim terrorists for heinous acts both in India and abroad since their creation in the late 70s.
Angstrom H. Troubador, Wikileaks volunteer analyst, said, “Christian missionaries won over millions of Hindus in the past century and the Muslims are across their border with a finger on a nuclear trigger. You don’t think ISIS, Al-Qaeda, or the shooting at Charlie Hebdon would take the pressure off of them in a cost-effective manner?”
Troubador elaborated, “A moderately powerful nation such as India could easily afford a double false flag, leaving evidence that the CIA had perpetrated the 9/11 attacks while carrying them out with their already established commando squad. They see Islam, Christianity, and Judaism as a single entity — Devil Abraham — which must be provoked to self-immolate and usher in the maximum proliferation of polytheistic belief. I think it’s working incredibly well, it should have been obvious. But even though the monotheistic world finally has proof, I don’t think it will Matter. There won’t ever be an end to petty bickering over cartoons. Monotheistic religions won’t stick together, instead there will be a gradual erosion of faith through fear and competition. The Hindus will inherit the Earth.”
