Category: News

[pullquote]Cruisin by the River
N you know I’m straight clownin
On you fuckin bitches
And on you fuckin hoes
Step in the club
And you know I’m chose
[/pullquote]INTERNET — Deric Lostutter, also known as KYAnonymous (KY refers to Kentucky, Lostutter’s “Anonymous” home state), starred as hero of a “Strange Saga” featured in Rolling Stone, but the saga is sensational drivel, unanimously derided by Anons who claim Lostutter cannot even hack. Worse, the story has made an “Anti-Rape” hero out of a typical misogynist, and it’s been optioned for a movie by Brad Pitt’s production company.

The Rolling Stone article claims that Lostutter is facing more prison time than the rapists he clamed to expose, although no charges have been officially filed against him and he is still “awaiting indictment.” In the meantime, Lostutter raised over $50,000 dollars for his legal defense, bought a Harley, and waved around stacks of Benjamins on Facebook.

The latest “strange” development in Lostutter’s saga is a rape accusation from an ex-girlfriend. Not only does the accusation imply statutory rape, but also the less acknowledged kind of rape endemic to abusive relationships. Lostutter has responded to these accusations by threatening to sue his ex-girlfriend as well as deploying his one “hacking” skill: doxing. He linked his fans to her adult-themed webcam site and unveiled her name as well as her child’s name, the kind of heroic anti-rape activism that get one’s story told in Rolling Stone.

INTERNET — A small group of elite hackers known as “Hate Security” cut off the light at Monday’s World Cup game between France and Nigeria for several seconds, as confused fans and players screamed in terror. Several hundred people were mugged, and riot police were deployed to contain the fearful crowds. However, the hack was only temporarily able to stop stadium personnel from turning the lights back on.

Hate Security left a message on their Twitter taking credit for the attack and issued homophobic comments about soccer, Brazil, and the international community. Hate Security became politicized in June of 2014, when a Facebook experiment manipulated them into it.

More on this terrorist hack as the story develops.

INTERNET — Monday morning, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled 5-4 that Hobby Lobby does not have to pay for any healthcare that involves the reproductive systems of women. Hacktivists at Anonymous, the decentralized collective and ensemble of tricksters fired back with the Low Orbit Ion Cannon, their most powerful hacking tool. Thousands of angered “Anons,” as they refer to themselves, “fired packets” and took Hobby Lobby’s web site offline for nearly twenty minutes, causing billions of dollars of irreparable damage that may put Hobby Lobby out of business forever.

Hobby Lobby’s CEO, Gerald Celento, told reporters, “God prefers a hands-off policy towards women’s sex organs, even when the uterus is rotting out of the body. Women are, as Christians have always known, more easily corruptible than men. Hobby Lobby has always had a policy against meddling with their fragile bodies. We’re happy to hear about the Supreme Court’s decision, but the vigilantes from the internet have ruined it for us, and I have no doubt they are part of the Satanic conspiracy emanating out of the Islamic State, the Black flag of the New Caliphate. A bloody war — I’m talking nuclear, biological, whatever kills the emergent Satanist state — is the only solution.”