Category: News

DUBAI — The Center for the Advancement of Islam, whose offices are located on the top floor of the world’s largest skyscraper, Burj Khalifa, announced plans on Tuesday for a hundred billion dollar project to place a permanent monument in orbit around the Lagrange point between the Earth and the Moon. A spokesman for the group said, “This monument, perhaps the greatest of all time, will bring the essence of the Prophet’s message to nine billion people each night.”

In cooperation with the industrialized Russian space program, the Center for the Advancement of Islam hopes to launch several hundred heavy lift rockets loaded with thin reflective material which will be assembled in orbit to form the giant star and crescent of Islam. According to rocket scientist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, “Nothing like this has ever been done before, but it is feasible. With a hundred billion dollars it should be easy to develop the technology required to assemble such massive reflectors in space and complete the project. Because the plan is to orbit a Lagrange point, this monument will be effectively permanent.”

The star and crescent was first popularly used by the Ottoman empire during the crusades. Some scholars prefer to draw its lineage to worship of Hecate by the Byzantines, while others believe it was derived from early Turkic tribes. Osman I, founder of the Ottoman Empire, is said to have seen the symbol rising into the heavens from the chest of a Qadi, or judge of Sharia law, as part of a mystic vision in which Islam “cover[ed] the whole world with the shadow of its green and beautiful branches.”

KENOSHA, Wisconsin — It has come to my attention from a dear twitter follower and fellow presidential hatemail author, @HerObama, that local police are not only utilizing visible light communications to transmit rays that not only sedate it’s victims, but collects data on their license plates. I had my skepticism, obviously, being a level-headed veteran journalist I need to fact check and verify any and every theory that comes through the offices here at The Internet Chronicle. We often get a lot of faxes, tweets and voicemails with regards to “conspiracy theories,” so we try to verify them as much as possible before going public with our data.

What I found was absolutely terrifying. Worse than the Rustle League and Ron Brynaert terrorizing top-tier lawyer Sue Brasko. The photo sent to me by @HerObama clearly shows an unmarked police vehicle with a device attached to it that absolutely 100% collects license plate data and ships it off to the nearest fusion center to be processed, analyzed and sent to the NSA’s datacenter in Utah for safe keeping and High Value Target(HVT) evaluation.

Mr. @HerObama has been a long time supporter of the Internet Chronicle, whose twitter account is also owned by Lebal Drocer, Inc., so it’s been a great honor to finally be working with him to uncover these heinous crimes perpetrated by a government that cares not for the safety and privacy of their people, rather in the creation of a pacified society of hungry ghosts.