axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

5 million dead after Obama orders Nuclear Strike on Syria

A large area of Damascus was transformed into a "Sea of Glass" after Obama ordered retaliation for chemical attacks on Syrian civilians.
A large area of Damascus was transformed into a “Sea of Glass” after Obama ordered retaliation for chemical attacks on Syrian civilians.

DAMASCUS — Much of Syria has been transformed into a “Sea of Glass” after sources reported an enormous nuclear blast Wednesday. President Obama addressed the American people from the Oval Office, saying, “We cannot permit the use of weapons of mass destruction against innocent civilians anywhere in the world. The Assad regime has been annihilated and can no longer threaten the peace and stability of the world.”

Early estimates suggest as many as 5 million Syrians died instantly, and nuclear fallout specialists suggest that nearly a million will die slow, painful deaths from cancer and mutations. People around the globe have taken to the streets in mourning for the civilians killed by the Assad regime’s vile chemical attacks.

Russian President Vladimir Putin issued a furious statement to President Obama, “Next time we’re looking for a new source of oil and have to drop a nuke, the world should know who to blame. Obama has set the precedent, and now we’re just looking for our first target. The Russian people are as thirsty for oil as the Americans, and we have even more powerful nukes!”

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News Uncontrollable Patriotism World

Al-Assad ‘Not So Stupid’ As To Use Chemical Weapons: Kurdish Leader

Obama Commands Missile Strike Anyway

Bashar al-Assad wishes people could afford shoes in order to know what it's like to walk a mile in his.

DAMASCUS, Syria – Syrian President Bashar al-Assad – in Iran right now, presumably waiting for his country to collapse – would not have been “so stupid” as to deploy chemical weapons near Damascus, said Saleh Muslim, head of the Kurdish Democratic Union Party (PYD).

Secretary of State John Kerry said Tuesday, “Anyone who can claim that an attack of this staggering scale could be contrived or fabricated needs to check their conscience and their own moral compass.”

The facts are that the United States has no proof, no need to attack, and certainly no need for advice on the direction of our moral compass from a career politician.

It has grown increasingly clear the chemical attack on rebels was a false-flag meant to trigger international outrage. Al Assad studied medicine in the West, surfs the Internet and knows a chemical weapons attack is the golden ticket to losing his seat in power. So why would he do it?

Chances are, Assad didn’t suddenly come to the realization that having all this power, wealth and fame totally sucks ass and decide to commit suicide. He’s already been briefed on hegemonic stability theory and patterns of conflict. So instead of using chemical weapons before now, he ordered regime forces to encircle the rebels before attacking so that none could retreat. This has caused rebel leaders to scurry like rats for the highest ground, beheading each other for control over shrinking turf.

So does Assad need gas attacks? Does he want them? All evidence suggests he’s been doing just fine up until now. Even the Taliban actively discourages its members from joining this Jihad, with recent historical knowledge to predict how U.S.-trained forces later serve U.S. hegemony and ultimate destruction. Eventually, some forces may, in the name of justice for humanitarian abuses, cultural decimation, or whatever, eventually attack the United States in a terrorist bombing, but that only serves to justify our continued actions.

Americans hold onto their butts in anticipation of Barack Hussein Obama’s husk of hope and change ordering military strikes on Syria, and Assad’s days are numbered as the world looks to Turkey and the confrontation makes its way, once again, to Putin’s doorstep.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Glenn Greenwild admits to affair with Edward Snowden

Greenwild allegedly cheated on partner David Miranda while working with Snowden in Hong Kong
Greenwild allegedly cheated on partner David Miranda while working with Snowden in Hong Kong

HONG KONG — Witnesses tell the Internet Chronicle they saw Journalist Glenn Greenwild and Edward Snowden “drunk and making out” in public before police escorted the couple back to a hotel room. Recent reports show Greenwild’s boyfriend, David Miranda, was detained at the border in London while under pay of the Guardian for muling Snowden’s secret documents.

Internet Chronicle contacted Miranda, who fumed, “If it’s true he’s been banging Snowden and putting me in the crosshairs to keep the Snowden story going for a few more days then it’s over. I knew Glenn could be a dick, but this is just too much. We do not have an open relationship.”

Glenn Greenwild told Internet Chronicle reporters with his characteristic malice, “David and I have always had an open relationship, and if he doesn’t like it he can leave. I told him dating me has its negative consequences, and you wanna know the truth? Me and Edward have been sleeping together for a long time before Edward even worked at the NSA. I love Edward. He loves me, and that’s why he got a job at the NSA and gave me the files. If David really loved me, he’d be begging to mule more files, but no, he can’t get over his jealousy for Edward. It’s over”