INTERNET — As a vicious thunderstorm pelted Washington DC with softball sized hail Tuesday, Robert Mueller’s office filed High Treason charges against Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton for fabricating the fake news “collusion” scandal and undermining the United States Government.
The nation anticipates announcement from Fox News for the date of the public execution of these traitors and hundreds of others in the Media, including the staff of CNN, as decades of fake news and lies finally come to a close.
This beautiful political purge, reminiscent of Stalin’s gulags, Hitler’s night of the long knives, and the Chinese Cultural Revolution will bring about a citizenry that are completely supportive of their leaders. Under the emergency wall powers granted to President Trump, elections have been indefinitely suspended and the Supreme Court has been dissolved.
All members of the Democrat Party are to report to prison or face execution in the streets by militarized police units. Several so-called “sanctuary cities” including San Francisco are currently under siege by the national guard, and The President is considering airstrikes against neighborhoods harboring illegals. “We’re going to treat them like Waco, very tough,” president Trump announced from his golf resort at Mar-A-Lago. “This is the END of LIBERALISM, FOREVER!”
INTERNET — New allegations from Christopher Steele reveal Donald Trump has been a victim of human trafficking and sex slavery for over three decades.
This shocking, exclusive story came to light only after Internet Chronicle reporters investigated Ms. Yang’s Rubdown Palace at Mar-A-Lago and found records that Chinese executives were not only paying for “access” to Trump through her organization, but that this access most likely meant her clients purchased million dollar “golden shower” sessions, urinating on the president over 30 times during the first year of his presidency alone.
Steele’s investigations revealed that the roots of President Trump’s humiliating sex slavery go back decades to some of his earliest business troubles. After suffering multiple bankruptcies and defaulting on a series of loans from Russian mobsters in the mid 90’s, Trump became known as the Russian’s “pisspig,” traveling to Moscow “hundreds” of times to fulfill the sick, sadistic desires of the kleptocracy. Since then, Trump has been passed around between numerous high profile pimps until ending up at Cindy Yang’s Rubdown Palace at Mar-A-Lago.
“They’ll never reveal a video, and it’s not accurate to simply call this kompromat. It’s much more than that, and Trump is bound up into it. Any revelations could spoil their whole operation and cut them off from their kink of pissing on a powerful American. These Russian and Chinese billionaires spent so much money buying misleading internet advertisements just to make Trump president so that pissing on him would be more enjoyable,” said Steele in an exclusive interview with Internet Chronicle. “They probably want him to be president forever.”
Reigning in sex trafficking across the border was one of Trump’s biggest campaign promises, but his failure to build the wall has upset many Republicans. Tuesday, outspoken pundit Ann Coulter appeared on Fox and Friends to make the case that Trump doesn’t really want to end sex slavery. “Maybe he’s got Stockholm Syndrome. Probably he’s linked in with the sex trafficking stuff for decades now and has to keep it thriving, or maybe Miss Yang will punish him.”
Trump has told reporters he “doesn’t know” Cindy Yang, after appearing in a selfie with her at her Rubdown Palace at Mar-A-Lago’s Superbowl party.
#QArmy detectives have begun to unlock the President’s coded messages, re-interpreting many of his intentional misspellings and common phrases to better understand his status as a sex slave. Q himself offered up this tantalizing crumb, setting off a chain reaction of raised consciousness: “[P]resi(dent)ial harassment, steal gol(f)den,” to many a confirmation of the startling allegations and a rationalization for many of Trump’s failures as president.
Rust Youtuber Vice threatens to “wring [Vice] cunts by the fucking neck”
INTERNET — Rust YouTuber ‘Vice’ was banned from YouTube Friday morning after the grim specter of trademark infringement brought angry briefcase-toting lawyers down on his channel like a ten man AK zerg blasting into a wooden 2×2.
This February, Vice shot to a new level of fame after getting himself and his clan banned from Rust’s US East 2 server and deftly playing the victim card. This move was incredibly popular among disgruntled Rust players, drawing tens of thousands of hate-filled viewers to his channel, including the lawyers at Vice Media and the renowned satirists at the Internet Chronicle.
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, expert Trademark Attorney, said, “Well, there’s nothing he can do about it. Even if YouTube lets him keep the account and change his name, that lands them in a murky legal situation where they might be liable for damages from the incumbent Trademark infringement that is now baked into Vice’s brand. Everything’s just fine as long as Vice wasn’t making money, but once the cash starts rolling the lawyers get typing angry complaints.”
Vice’s Community Discord channel has been simmering with classic ressentiment after the mass server bans in February, and now after losing his YouTube channel the mood has pitched into a boil over.
Sosig.exe, moderator at the official Facepunch discord, has apparently never heard of Vice Media’s “Proud Boy” founder, Gavin McInnes
With natural rage and powerlessness already coursing through the community of exploit base builders, their self-destructive flailing has set in, leading to some of the most cringey moments in all of the Rust community’s history.
Some supporters, including a moderator of Facepunch’s official discord chimed in, blaming the so-called ‘libtard fake media’ for basic Trademark considerations from YouTube. Others have cast wild blame at Facepunch employees for committing ‘admin abuse’, even garnering a ‘like’ from Vice himself for personally attacking Errn.
Vice himself personally attacked the staff at the Internet Chronicle, depicting the oft-quoted writer Kilgoar as some kind of a retard who ’caused tons of trouble’ on the Rustography discord which banned many of the most enthusiastic and active map makers in Rust, often for nothing more than discussing technical details of map-making or sharing links to custom map servers.
Vice ‘likes’ it when his fans accuse Facepunch employees of admin abuse.
In related news, the Rust Community is suffering a menagerie of growing pains as the game reaches new heights. Buck Sexington, in-house community blogger, has apparently parted ways with Facepunch after several months of only sporadic posting, leaving core enthusiasts high and dry for the juiciest new content.
