All four top advisers to the UN Human Rights Council were bored with the predictable news of the US backing a Saudi push into Iranian-allied territories.
All four top advisers to the UN Human Rights Council were bored by the predictable news of a US-backed Saudi push into Yemen.
WASHINGTON, D.C. –Literally no one was shocked to learn of a Saudi Arabian airstrike against the Haradh district of northern Yemen on Monday.
Angstrom Trodlinyiavic, a chief member of the UN human rights council, said he is surprised the bombing only targeted military installations, when everyone knows it is the barbaric women and children of Yemen who are to blame for their country’s upheaval.
“I am only in favor of toppling dictators who oppose American interests,” Troubadour said. “Human rights abuses by Hosni Mubarak to Saddam Hussein had no rhyme or reason. Those men were tyrants. Barack Hussein, on the other hand, and Abdullah of Saudi Arabia only skirt human rights when they absolutely need to. That is the difference with which I rationalize this contradictory, and offensive, narrative.”
A Saudi-led coalition of desert warriors is forming a united military front against the Iranian controlled Houthi militiamen, who are known within intelligence communities to be dangerously equipped with the world’s most advanced pointed sticks and semiautomatic small arms. As the group advances south, toward the city of Aden, Yemen President Rabbu Mansour Hadi is feeling greater pressure than ever to sign off on construction of a new chain of Arby’s restaurants across the northern region of the country.
EXCLUSIVE! Chronicle.su is the only publication cleared to run this cartoon in the entire Soviet Union!
New analysis indicates US intelligence agencies facilitated the shooting at the Charlie Hebdo office in Paris last week that killed 12 people including an editor of the paper and two heroic police officers. According to foreign policy analyst and terror scholar Alexei Martynov, US and Israeli co-conspirators launched the attack to destabilize European solidarity and inflame Islamic xenophobia in their Western allies.
Turkey’s Prime Minister echoed Russian accusations that the US organized the attack with Israel. Israel, he said, was happy to go along with the plan because Charlie Hebdo attacked Judaism as well, an article for which a French satirist was fired and denied “rights” to free expression.
“They are constantly propping up their Zionist hatefriends,” the PM said. “They are jealous of our freedom and they hate our way of life, so long as it is not spent in Israel’s servitude.”
Fresh faces who, prior to the Jan. 7 attack had never heard of Charlie Hebdo, now tag Facebook and Twitter posts with #JeSuisCharlie – a transparent show of support for the sanctity of satire they neither read nor understand – and a nod of support to American incursions into foreign lands and domestic civil liberties.
The hacker collective Anonymous – which is controlled almost exclusively by federal agents – has vowed to track down all unknown Islamists, wherever they hide, and to dox and expose them to random acts of savagery. The group has already renewed a global attack on Urdu speaking websites the likes of which the world has not seen since th3je5t3r took Slowloris live in 2011.
The US, England and France have already prepared new emergency controls that would curtail Internet “freedoms” to help make everyone safer and prevent another Charlie Hebdo, including the broadening of the definition of ‘terror suspect’ as well as new abilities to legally break or prevent encryption, such as the kind employed by Tor, a government project.
Sony source says US Government financed Hollywood flop film ‘The Interview’
In a sudden and perfunctory turn of events, information obtained from a high-ranking source inside Sony appears to corroborate allegations made by North Korean leadership, saying that the US Government may have played a “large role” in financing the James Franco-Seth Rogen Hollywood shovel-film “The Interview.”
The source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the government knew North Korea’s plans for a free, public internet were underway before production of the film began. The film’s release would have coincided with the completion of a North Korean internet infrastructure, he said, threatening Kim Jong Un’s nationwide reputation of benevolence and invincibility.
Our source said invoices paid out to Sony were repeatedly stamped with a signature Department of Defense seal and label. The sources said one document was even notarized by a certified California notary.
In the wake of the scandal, the Supreme Leader of North Korea has once again threatened to go to war on the United States after publishing their own official accusations that the government singlehandedly created the film. Un said the US Government created “The Interview” to discredit his benevolent regime, and build public support around a DDoS attack on the free, public internet infrastructure he graciously provided to his people.
The official website of the DPRK published a second denial of their involvement in the attack on Sony’s hilariously underprotected servers. However, in a separate interview, a source inside Sony said the nature of the attack suggests the breach must have come “from within,” adding that the attack would have to be an inside job because of the security system’s reliance on biometrics before access to any information would be made available – even to a hacker – encrypted or otherwise.
[pullquote]The Sony hack very likely was an inside job.
Sony insider[/pullquote]
“The DPRK has already launched the toughest counteraction. Nothing is more serious miscalculation than guessing that just a single movie production company is the target of this counteraction. Our target is all the citadels of the US imperialists who earned the bitterest grudge of all Koreans.
Kim Jong Un said his “robust” army of 1.2 million “bloodthirsty” warriors is chomping at the bit to attack the monolithic institutions dictating American hegemony, but Sony is fortunately not on that list.
China, an all-too-poignant mediator in the dispute, described the hacking as “unfortunate,” adding that a digital security breach is a serious issue (they should know), but later said “The Interview” was “tasteless” and “nothing to be proud of.” Considering the movie is a late-2014 rushed-to-Christmas meme-generator acted out by an aging, same-character-in-every-movie Seth Rogen, China is probably not far off the mark. Sony now seems to acknowledge the film is so unwatchable they are refusing to even sully their own Crackle video streaming site with it.
Meanwhile, Kim Jong Un’s internet throughout North Korea is in disarray, and a radical activist group is threatening to airdrop DVDs of “The Interview” on the hungry, destitute and impoverished people of Pyongyang. Perhaps they could drop some food and water, too – and while they’re at it – a DVD player.
Anonymous, led from a federal prison by Barrett Brown, are also threatening to release the film by Christmas if Sony does not.
