Category: Obituaries

Another one bites the dust

Ian Watkins Dead At 36

Post author By Hatesec
Post date April 2, 2014
3,201 Comments on Ian Watkins Dead At 36

Ian Watkins planned on raping a handful of babies.

Worcestershire, England — Fans mourn the loss of former Lostprophets singer Ian David Karslake Watkins, who committed suicide early Wednesday morning in his cell at HM Prison Long Lartin.

Watkins was pronounced dead at 4:38 a.m. UTC. Cause of death was listed as “self asphyxiation, or suicide by hanging.” He was 36.

Watkins is survived by step-father and Baptist minister John Davies, his mother Elaine, and Daniel, his 24-year-old brother who distanced himself from Ian in the final months of the singer’s life. He is also survived by former Lostprophets musicians Lee Gaze, Mike Lewis, Stuart Richardson, Jamie Olider and Luke Johnson.

Inside reports suggest Watkins was facing pressure in the form of death threats from other inmates. Watkins was overheard remarking that he feared for his life.

Because no will was entered into the public record, Watkins’ continuing charitable contributions to the Kidney Wales Foundation for Children will cease.

The Watkins estate is to be turned over instead to the UK for disbursement into public works projects, as is customary in Wales when a convicted pedophile with enormous assets dies without a notorized will.

Watkins suffered in the wake of numerous convictions on sexual assault charges against children, for which he was sentenced to prison for 29 years last December. Authorities got involved when the Lostprophets frontman made plans to rape adoring fans and their babies. Prosecutors uncovered “the most shocking and harrowing child abuse the nation has ever seen.”

Senior investigating officers on Watkins’ case described him as a “committed, organised paedophile.” The judge, Mr. Justice Royce, said Watkins “plunged into new depths of depravity” referring to Watkins’ text messages to his victims: “If you belong to me, so does your baby.”

After entering his guilty plea, Watkins referred to his sex offenses as being “mega lolz.”

Tags lostprophets, mega lolz, music, pedophile

Obituaries

Joe Rogan Dead at 46

Joe Rogan died from a DMT overdose on Sunday morning.

INTERNET — Joe Rogan, host of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, accomplished mixed martial artist and comedian, died tragically from a DMT overdose on Sunday.

Rogan was an outspoken advocate for the use of psychedelic drugs as entheogens, or substances which are used specifically to trigger mystic or transcendent experiences. However, Wikipedia and the news media incorrectly framed Rogan as promoting “recreational” use of drugs, leading some to draw a connection between this misrepresentation and the overdose which followed.

Rogan described himself as an “open-minded skeptic,” and investigated a wide variety of fringe or “conspiracy” subjects. Critic and conspiracy expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador once pointed out, “Rogan’s investigative purpose, to weigh in on whether a conspiracy theory is ‘real’ or ‘crazy’ relies on the outdated assumption that a human can access a universal truth. Joe has denied holding this belief when speaking of his experiences on DMT, but he doesn’t seem to inhabit it fully. Rogan is a chemtrail denier, for instance, but also admits that ‘real’ chemtrails are the everyday pollution from burnt jet fuel. He refuses to give any merit to the idea that chemtrails are part of a slow genocide or weather control scheme perpetrated by a secret cabal. Through this myth, and I don’t mean ‘myth’ in the sense of a lie but rather a useful story, chemtrail conspiracists are able to endlessly cultivate an appropriate level of alarm on the topics of pollution and climate change. Just like Joe, one of the most important realizations I’ve had from DMT trips is that symbols should not be interpreted as signs referencing ‘reality’ or God and that ultimately there is no access to ‘reality’ to begin with — there are only symbols which act as an interface between God and the self for the mystic, or God and the community as in organized religion. It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong — that kind of language is totally outdated and tells us very little about what it purportedly describes.”

Grieving family members have disbursed Rogan’s estate to fighter Anderson Silva in hopes that Silva’s shin might be repaired so he can return to the octagon. Silva’s gruesome injury has caused mixed martial artists to question the safety of the Muay Thai shin kick just as the “push kick” or “elliptical kick” cribbed from Wing Chun has gained an increased popularity among fighters. Rather than causing career ending injuries to the practitioner, the push kick has hyper-extended the knees of several mixed martial artists unfortunate enough to wind up on the receiving end of the devastating technique.

Entertainment Obituaries

EXPERT: “Miley Cyrus Cataclysm Imminent”

Post author By Hatesec
Post date September 13, 2013
1 Comment on EXPERT: “Miley Cyrus Cataclysm Imminent”

Miley Is Predicted To Devastate Humanity In The Coming Weeks

Miley Cyrus is rumored by the religious elite to be small enough to disintegrate in the atmosphere but experts predict Miley could vaporize so rapidly, she will explode, said MIT physicist Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, creating an electromagnetic pulse so magnificent it will remain in the sky for days, and disable communication systems throughout the southern hemisphere.

“The fumes from the event will block out all sunlight,” Dr. Troubadour said, “and poison those who inhale Miley’s microscopic remains.”

As Voyager left the edge of the Solar System August of last year, the data reported back huge flashes of probability fractals estimated by Benford’s Law to represent the dissolution of Earthly homeostasis.

It’s expected to be a major PR pseudoevent,” said Miley publicist Jake Downer. “Wait till we get those hot photographs of the bits and pieces. We’ll see every last inside – we will see every atom of her body individually. Rumor has it, pictures already hit the torrent sites.”

Teen fan Arianna Simpson waited nearly 14 hours outside the Roanoke Civic Center Friday to see Miley in concert. Arianna said she and her father watched Miley grow up.

“She does a lot more provocative things now, but she still speaks to me, in my heart,” said Arianna.

This article is part of an ongoing series known as Miley Analytics — This article is part 1 in a 1 part series called Miley Analytics

If Miley’s toxic disintegration into the atmosphere does not kill her, then her nudity-enhanced spinout into oblivion could create a miniature black hole rivaling the size and sustainability of those found in the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva.

“Really though, we just wanted to take out the kids, and let them have a good time,” said Arianna’s father Lester Simpson. “They love Hanna Montana, and God knows I sure do.”

Miley is 420 Friendly, .su