Chaos looming amid social media collapse: “Everyone is watching”

SAN FRANCISCO—Agents are now posing as the recently deceased Elon Musk, and are undermining free speech from within the platform. As behemoths like Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn begin to crumble, many are now terrified for the collapse of social media.

Some are left to farm up the ashes, hoovering hip rats into mastadon servers where compartments of human beings are made to live like animals. Slavery of the people, by the people.

what’s up with jokes? you say something funny and now i do what? go ha ha ha hee hee? the fuck are we doin here

—mastadon.social user MrSerious11211

But many, who staked their livelihoods on a longshot that did not make it, are asking: What is the true cost?

Will the great reset leave a me-shaped hole in my hateful little soul?

Not to worry. As Away Messages fade, there is a light in the dark mists of freedom.

Run away from that anxiety-inducing darkness, and fall into the tender, loving arms of Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Run quietly by billionaires whose names you would not recognize, this nameless entity is a glowing social media platform where you are permitted to float, as formlessly as you like, through a cloud of words, images, and associations, making your mark on the world. At Lebal Drocer, everyone is watching. We love you so much.

Away Messages, by Lebal Drocer Chat is more than a mastodon instance, where you go in and see what the people have been doing in there: jerking off in some dark dank instance.

We would never pull you into that darkness where the ugly is lurking. It’s no place for you.

You’re special. Sign up for a friend group today.

Also, Lebal Drocer, Inc. will never look at your nudes out of sight, like they do at masturdon.

We’re doing it right out in the open. Where Everyone is watching.