Anonymous denies #OpDeathEaters is Anonymous

INTERNET — Today a group identifying itself as Anonymous launched Operation Death Eaters, a vigilante law-enforcement operation which promises to independently prosecute and execute pedophiles in high office.

However, an official Anonymous press release revealed that because Operation Death Eaters is coordinated by Heather Marsh, who is not anonymous, this operation cannot truly be the work of Anonymous.

An Anonymous spokesperson in New York, using the alias “Hector Monsegur,” told reporters, “Heather Marsh is not even lowercase anonymous. She’s a leaderfag and a fascist with maniacal delusions of revolution and power. We’re going to show her the real Anonymous.”

The official press release stated that “[Marsh] is not Anonymous. [Marsh] is Helen Lovejoy,” referencing a well-known character in the Simpsons who has become a symbol of middle-class mob mentality, often crying, “think of the children!” It also stated, “. . . we are launching an open source investigation public inquiry into her personal life.”

Political analyst and expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “The great power that has been achieved by Heather Marsh by appropriating the Anonymous brand could ruin the careers of any politician she may want to point her finger at, and what’s worse, it definitely does not jive with the Anonymous brand. I think, although this is just speculation, that there is a political agenda, perhaps even a political party backing her and the operation which will ruin whatever politicians stand in its way just by a mere accusation.”

Professor at MacGill University and eminent Anonymous expert Bella Coleman said, “The prankish lulz that either motivate Anonymous operations or are injected into the more serious operations just are nowhere to be seen in Operation Death Eaters. Many of the hardcore Anons will agree that this means it’s no longer the true Anonymous, but I see it as Anonymous changing. No one gets to define what is or isn’t the ‘True’ Anonymous.”