Sunday Prayer for the Internets

Let us pray.

This prayer is for all the thousands of visitors funneled into Chronicle.SU from google, believing they have found a pornography web site. Take your hands off your penis and kneel for this. When your family left for church this morning and you refused to go, we know it was so you could masturbate to Internet porn when everyone left the house. This prayer is for you.

Let us pray.

Hallowed be our Lord and Savior Inglip, director of cats and CEO of the Internets.
On this Sunday, make us strong oh Lord, for we have sinned.
We have walked through the valley of the shadow of /b/,
We have bickered with your followers on Twitter,
We have masturbated to your porn twice a day,
And we have streamed illegal content directly into our hard drives.
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into Anonymous,
For thine is the glory,
The Power
And the Internets


3 replies on “Sunday Prayer for the Internets”

Forgiveness is a luxury not afforded by such trollish fiends.

Your sins will be punished by the fullest extent of Inglip’s wrath.

Being the merciful God I am, I will accept a blood sacrifice. If I see the head of once renowned troll Kilgore Trout on a plate by the end of this solstice, you will be spared.

What say you?

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