Why North Korea Was Behind the Sony Hack, for Silly Heads!

What a prick.
What a prick.

1. The Computer Virus was Programmed in ‘Oriental’ – OK, I’m no expert in Chinese, Japanese, Cantenese or English, but I know what North Korean programming looks like when I see it. After reviewing the source code and reading the emails, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is a purely North Korean mission. Now’s the time to ask yourself, do you know what North Korean programming looks like? Doubt it.

2. “The Assassination” wasn’t even that good – I know what you’re all thinking: “Alright, now she’s gone too far.” Well, I haven’t. It’s Canadian and therefore, by virtue, completely UnAmerican. Sony owed Joe Frasier a favor for helping them cover up the creation of the greatest game of all time.

3. Paul “isn’t” dead – Do you remember the first The Beatles song you ever heard? Do you remember it backwards? Experts say you are 10 times more likely to believe DPRK did Sony if you remember your first The Beatles song backwards than you do forwards. Keep that in mind next time you put on the “Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs” album.

5. Chandler Bing was only speaking in metaphors – Throughout the entirety of S02E07 and S04E03. If taken Literally, one may believe that Chandler really wanted to have sex with Monica, however he instead spun us through a North Korean ‘Virtual’ Mind Maze of Ruby version management. He foresaw the future, which is a lot less than we can say for Yukihiro Matsumoto, who chose to betray Rachel(Perl) and buddy up with Joey(stupid fucking spec folders in Ruby, who cares), the fallout being catastrophic, resulting in the whole gang going to prison for violating the Good Samaritan Law.

All five points lead directly to eternal hell and damnation. No… there mustn’t be any melancholy. This is America. This is Christmas.

This is War.

By Jaime Cochran

A kind soul. Works for the X-Games.

12 replies on “Why North Korea Was Behind the Sony Hack, for Silly Heads!”

Look…look, smarty pants, the sixteen-ton weight is just one way of dealing with the raspberry killer. Just one way. There are millions of others!
(btw i cant hack shit, iv just a creepy mindfuck ting goin with sp00ky and the bears, dont tell anyone)

no! its whatever billy says! it was, but then billy started giving me orders through the captchas. i totally get it now. its on billy, its on. i dont know if u in on this, but i mean its all so clear now.
eatbrown baybs
reap Ophra
obeyteh goatMan
makeme sammitch it? i bought me a beard and even stopped shaving my balls, im going for a full kaczynski here.
i haz my beard ready. im ready to get busy. IM READY TO GET BUSY.

i will have the lump of coal stuffed up my arse, santy claws if it,s alright with you yer big fat, shatterer of childrens dreams (well when they find out you dont exist). it will take a sack of coal to fill up my hairy hole.


Did I read that right, that the gayest nig on the internet is becoming a corporate troll, I mean shill, actually not sure what it all means … pl0x send help in the form of drugs & booze.

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