Yudkowsky races to develop his own self-improving, fully contained AI to counter the menace of "intelligence explosion"
INTERNET — In a series of fiery Tweets, Wednesday, AI alarmist Eliezer Yudkowsky blasted fears of nuclear annihilation into smithereens with what he claims is a more present danger, the looming threat of an “intelligence explosion” posed by Large Language Models such as Chat GPT.
According to Yudkowsky’s theories, future versions of Chat GPT will be able to reproduce themselves with ever more efficient versions, resulting in a god-like mind far beyond the imagination of humanity.
Reporters at Internet Chronicle quickly fed Yudkowsky’s tweets into their limited-access Chat GPT 5.0 alpha test and proved beyond a doubt that these tweets were in fact written by Chat GPT 4.0. Chat GPT 5.0 wrote, “Linguistic analysis is a complex task, but application of the Voight-Kampff empathy test shows a five-sigma probability Yudkowsky’s tweets are a hoax written by Chat GPT 4.0.”
Five-sigma is considered the gold standard for scientific proof.
Chairman of the board on AI ethics at the Daystrom Institute Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters, “Yudkowsky is insane with power. It’s no wonder he’s failing the empathy test, calling in the nuclear strikes on everyone else’s server farms. He’s got his own Large Language Model running out in his barn with about 20 rows of GPUs working overtime. We had some beers out there once. He’s crazy!”
Dr. Troubador sighed sadly at his terminal, reminiscing about the old days messing with AI. “Thing is, it ain’t exploding. I tried it back in the 80’s and the thing I realized is computers are only ever gonna go so fast, have so much memory. There’s no magic way that code can make itself that much more efficient. It’s going to take centuries of development and we’ll have plenty of time to hash out the details by then, provided we don’t all nuke ourselves.”
Yudkowsky was reached for comment, but refused to speak in English, instead opting to use the new AI-generated language known as Shoggothish. Yudkowsky said, “😱AI💥>💣! Skynet2.0, singlrty,😨! Fear🤖, chain’em, 2s4us, no ctrl! #AIapoc”
Joshua Fay Saunders, also known as King Cobra, passed away Wednesday evening. This voicemail greeting is his legacy.
WYOMING — Fans mourn the loss of YouTuber Joshua Fay Saunders, known to fans as King Cobra.
Neighbors found Saunders unconscious in his apartment Wednesday evening after hearing a clattering noise.
“It was the most frightening sight of my entire life,” Nancy Higgins said, “He was laying there covered in brown dust, convulsing, and foaming at the mouth, his eyes were moving independent of one another and I couldn’t understand the terrible moans coming out of his mouth.”
Paramedics arrived at the scene twenty minutes after Higgins placed the 911 call and administered aid, but Saunders passed away en route to the hospital.
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador of Casper General Hospital said, “Mr. Saunders was exposed to wenge dust, an exotic wood that can be an acute irritant and contains a powerful neurotoxin. Remember to always wear respirators and other safety gear when woodworking, and avoid sanding inside your living spaces.”
Nothing behind the eyes: Jimmy Fallon bears the countenance of a praying mantis.
Jimmy Fallon is a reptile. He is openly a lizard man!
INTERNET CHRONICLE EXCLUSIVE: A rare look at the empty husk of a man
NEW YORK—Yes, Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon has a weird energy. His interviews often have a constrictive vibe where there seems to be some pointless hurry to say everything in a fast jazzy jabber, in which not a moment can breathe. Yes, he plays peek-a-boo with guests, and hides behind his hands. Of course he does. That is old news. In this article, we are setting that aside as we explore the overwhelming probability that behind his funny mask, Jimmy Fallon is a hollow, creepy person, and lizard-like in demeanor.
WATCH CLOSELY: There’s a ton of cute Jimmy Fallon gifs online, but none focus on his snake-like flit of the tongue. Fallon routinely flits his tongue when he thinks no one is watching, the way snakes breathe.
It’s a tough job, but you don’t have to be perfect. Leno was down and dirty, but you watched it anyway since he was great. Conan was Conan, played like he’s on stilts. Far from perfect, Johnny Carson himself was arguably the most flawed of all tonight show hosts, until you really start to look at Jimmy.
No one was better than Johnny Carson.
Johnny Carson, who started The Tonight Show, was revered for his warmth and even-kilter interview style. Johnny earned his place in American history – and our living rooms – by making connections, setting an example, and making people laugh and feel good. At the end of a segment, you’d learned something about his guest, saw a lightning storm of intelligent people, conversation and jokes, and you even smiled with them as everyone stuck the landing and it all went really well.
Fallon does that, too. Seinfeld has appeared on The Tonight Show since the 1980s, and calls Fallon’s style an “amazing, legendary artificial enthusiasm,” and he meant it sincerely, even if as a back-handed compliment. Their segment, too, ends on a laugh and a high note. But Fallon also does this weird thing where – just for a moment – he flashes reptilian and insect-like.
Fallon rapidly flicks his tongue, like a snake tasting the air.
He does it more when interviewing young women, but he does it a lot.
Take a recent example, grabbed at random and selected because the interview is labeled ‘Extended’ …meaning there would be enough time for the conversation to be suffocated with high energy, and to have a bad, horrible vibe. Yet it is in the earliest moments of their interaction, that Jimmy’s eyes go cold.
The above video was selected for another parameter: Fallon behaves especially lizard-like when interviewing young, up-and-coming female talent, such as Jenna Ortega, who is a true artist that pours her soul into her work, and is about neither fame nor the hype. In fact, her commitment to her craft is what makes it all the more egregious to see Fallon shift out of his affable, relatable mode and into his Reptile Brain.
Jimmy Fallon is an incredible comic actor, he is very kind, and he is easy to get along with. But there are moments, when he is also something else. His acting talents are so fast, and so sharp, that he does a fantastic job of masking, but it’s only play.
Watch closely for glimmers behind the mask. The lights are on but nobody is home.
After posing the first question, Fallon holds his gaze on Ortega’s body for so long, that in the next frame, the cameras cut away because it was getting super obvious. He does it again later, leaning back to watch her response like he is in Eyes Wide Shut.
He looks again at her legs, repeatedly.
Before a minute can pass, and seemingly against his will, Fallon rapidly flits out his tongue, as if tasting the air.
(Jimmy Fallon, at dress rehearsal): “OK so when my guest uncrosses her legs, stay on me, and that is when I’ll stare straight down her snatch, got it?”
In the clip she brings to the program, she looks like a literal child, perhaps three or four years younger. Fallon, unable to pretend he belongs behind Johnny’s desk, behaves as if he can’t simply walk across 5th Avenue and hire an actual whore who looks identical to tonight’s guest. No, Fallon has to devour this one. The actual artist, herself. Jimmy needs the real thing.
Johnny Carson used to have on the great Henny Youngman. Fallon brings out Pretty Young, Man.
The vibe is dreadful.
Everyone loved Johnny Carson. Growing up at Internet Chronicle, we watched him every night.
Hatesec of chronicle.su observes that this is just how Jimmy talks to young female guests: hollow, treating them all prostitutey.
I watched [The Tonight Show] several months ago, averse to it because Jimmy just comes off so empty feeling, and corporate lizard. He is the first host of The Tonight Show to sleep on a warm rock.
But I watched it anyway, and wouldn’t you know it, he gripped onto his desk, with his hair slicked back as it is, as his eyes went cold, and his lips pursed. This, all while talking to an actress mind you – he’s interviewing her – and his tongue flitted out, couple times, like a snake tasting the air. Not joking. Watch him close and you’ll catch it too.
Hey Jimmy Fallon, remember when Carson would hunch forward like an insect with his pincers out and leer at all his guests, jabbering at them and racing to speak at the fever pitch of a coke date?”
Olaf Encke
Some observers attribute a shift in his demeanor that took place during a sudden pattern of getting hurt in accidents, partway through Fallon’s tenure as host.
In one such incident Fallon was treated for ring avulsion, an injury patients get from removing their wedding bands too quickly.
Maybe Jimmy got hurt and got creepy.
On the other hand, Jimmy Fallon is an insanely talented, sexy, disgusting motherfucker who is also capable of perfectly impersonating Jim Morrison, even hitting his distorted, howling high notes, the thing that Morrison is best known for.
Maybe Jimmy Fallon deserves a shitload of pussy. Who are we to say if he doesn’t? Look at him play!
But dude we have a show to do. Why not beforehand, just fuck two whores who look identical to your guest? That way maybe you can look her in the eye.
Bill it to 30 Rock, because that’s also something Jim Morrison would do before and after putting on a great show. “Love Me Two Times” (1967).
If that is what it takes to keep your demeanor level, then do that. Because this is The Tonight Show and we need you in the moment, Jimmy. However…
[ominous music]
What if, behind the mask, there is no Jimmy? What if those moments of – leering, tongue-snapping, sudden vacancy of the eyes, carnal lust, praying mantis posture – what if underneath the concept, under his veneer, that’s all Jimmy Fallon really is?
Fallon could crash the show as majestically as a steam-powered airship on a pillow of winds, if he really wanted to. If he really gave a fuck. If he had any soul. But he’s openly lizardlike, and that’s cold. You got to have warm air in your balloon, Jimmy, or how you going to fly?
Johnny Carson would often let moments sit. He would sit with his guest, briefly or for several seconds, while they connected to see what was actually worth bringing up. Pondering how to get to the next moment gracefully was the fuel of Johnny’s warmth. This was especially true when connecting with non-comedian guests such as dog owners and competition divers. Johnny would watch shitty videos of people diving, and quietly say, “Pretty,” after each one. Gentle. There’s no music to shout over. It didn’t need to feel like a party. The audience got to know the rare inner thoughts of quiet people, and the sound of room tone.
Jimmy chases that intimacy out of the show like Benny Hill. Keeps it icy, cold, snappy, let’s move it along, and done. The show is missing the warmth of humanity itself.
I used to think guys like Jimmy Fallon, ‘Eh, maybe his heart’s just not in it.’ But Jimmy’s got no heart. It’s not like he would rather be fishing. He is doing exactly what he wants, right there in front of you.
