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Hate

Jason Mick, what the fuck are you doing?

DailyTech?! I don't even...

Thursday, Jason Mick published a blog entry on DailyTech that provided a factual account on the arrest of alleged LulzSec spokesperson Topiary. However, halfway through the post, Mick cited completely unverifiable evidence accusing Daniel Ackerman Sandberg of criminal behavior. This complete collapse in journalistic integrity should not be tolerated. Mick appears to have made no attempt to contact Sandberg, instead posting unverified IRC logs and d0x which may be part of a misinformation campaign. Jason Mick needs to retract all evidence from his article which cannot be corroborated by a trusted source.

Sadly, the truth-seekers of Anonymous have taken this possible misinformation campaign at face value simply because they believe it supports their cause. For whatever reason, the appeal of invincible leaders has caused them to lose all sanity.

In related news, Anonymous has actively inflated the success of their PayPal boycott. Yet these lies are too transparent even for Jason Mick. By taking credit for a 3% drop in eBay’s stock and the closure of 35,000 PayPal accounts, Anonymous is not engaging in some kind of productive misinformation campaign. Instead, they are acting like complete fools, ready to repeat any piece of information that makes them feel more important – whether it is from a verifiable source or not. And that’s what Anonymous is all about, isn’t it? Anons desperately want to feel important, and facts come second.

When more information is released about the arrest of Topiary, the coked-up lemmings will all have a big laugh about their hilarious “misinformation campaign” that fooled Jason Mick and thousands of others by proxy. However, the rest of the world will just look at them as a hivemind of narcissistic and gullible idiots.

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Categories
Hate Trolling

Th3j35t3r Voluntarily Enrolls Himself in Dyslexia Clinic

Rule 34: Sabu and th3j35t3r

Due to his multiple moving violations confusing command hallucinations to tweet with stop signs, th3j35t3r has had his d0xing license taken away after a failed an hero.

Neoconservative DDoS faggot “th3j35t3r” announced on Thursday evening in a poorly written Pastee that he would begin seeking treatment “at the syldxiea clinic.”

“Ya I ben having lot sof conversations with my wifey Mach and we think thats the best thing for me at this time, rumers of me haveing downs are grately exagerated, I actually have asspurgers” Th3j35t3r wrote this in the Chronicle.SU comment section, which he frequents regularly during extended fap sessions, as he squats over a mirror for a better view of his gaping asshole. He elaborated, “I once read a publishers clearinghouse advertisement as a personal letter from my mother and bought 14.6 million dollars worth of subscriptions to fish and fowl.”

However, members of #jester told a slightly more sordid story.

“Basically he was illiterate,” said Chatterb0x, connoisseur of vegetarian Hot Pockets, which are for people who dont eat meat, but still want diarrhea. The j35t3rfag and Chatterb0x both frequent the same glory hole on every topic that no one gives a shit about. “He made me cam with him topless once and to brow beat me in to writing his Pastee entries, telling me “it rubs the hair gel on its nipples or it gets the DDoS again! I didn’t really understand. I felt so dirty and confused, and I had to wring my pillow out 3 times that night before I finally fell asleep.”

“The guy struts around in a women’s one piece french-cut swimsuit, a potato wedged in his ass crack to ward off the evil potates, wearing a full face latex los luchadores mask. Always comes up to me and asks ‘Chattie, do you think that I’m a baddie?’ Whatever the lord fuck that means. Dude has an awesome collection of Batman comics, though.”

Fans and beneficiaries of the j35t3r and his work include the Dept. of Justice, NAMBLA and Dell Computers.

Editor’s note:

 “I’m Adrian Chen, and I can’t see the humor in the Chronicle.SU and why they like to be ripping on The Jester (TM). I think the jester is a pretty cool guy. eh DDoS unintelligible jihad sites and doesnt afraid of anything.”

I’m Adrian Chen, and I endorse CP, among others that may or may not ring true.

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Categories
Entertainment Obituaries

Too Strong for a Warlock?

Due to her love of pork chops, the heavily tattooed corpse of 27 year old singer/songwriter Amy Winehouse was not buried in the consecrated Muslim territory of Great Britain. Instead, her corpse was cremated late Monday evening, causing a level 7 INES accident. Great Britain is in a state of emergency and a twenty mile exclusion zone around the morgue will be in effect for the next five years.

Charlie Sheen was rushed to Cedar Sinai Medical Center after allegedly hijacking a police helicopter to “bang a few grams” of Amy Winehouse’s cremated remains. After the pilot passed out from the cloud of toxic gas, Sheen crash landed the helicopter near the morgue and crawled through the wreak to reach Winehouse’s ashes. Within moments of smearing his gums with her remains, Sheen stripped naked, spouted several quatrains from Nostradamus, and claimed all of civilization was a mere game of chess strategically played by a race of 16 foot big headed aliens.

Giorgio Tsoukalous has been the first scientist to back Sheen's ideas.

Moments later, Sheen’s eyes glazed over, a small amount of drool escaped the corner of his mouth, and he collapsed to the floor. A frantic call to the police was made by an employee at the morgue who was too busy screaming profanity to give his name. “Please [expletive] hurry! I’m [expletive] positive that this is either one of the [expletive] Olsen twins or Gary [expletive] Coleman. Holy mother of [expletive] I’m [expletive] out of my mind, man!”

Hazmat crews arrived with hermetically sealing plastic coffins, assuming they would find only dead bodies. However, after a hose-down, Sheen reached into his front pocket and took a quick snort of what he had saved of Winehouse and perked right up. Sheen ripped open a worker’s chemical suit and declared victory. “Winning!”